Is expecting a devotee spouse considered as expectation?
A Girl devotee asked like this (Name hidden):
“hare krishna pravuji..without assosiation of devotee my devotion is going decreased day by day what to do???i am just hoping that once krishna give me a devotee husband i will be devotee by his assosiation.. is this expectation right or wrong??? what to do to get a devotee husband???? is it right in this yuga depend on husband for devotion????? i want to serve my husband as my sikhsha guru but how to get that type of husband????”
Here, there are two cases in expecting a devotee spouse:
(1) DESIRE FOR SPIRITUAL CAUSE
If you are expecting a devotee spouse to serve Krishna better as a wife of a devotee, such expectation is welcome and it is not a material wish, but spiritual because you like to serve Krishna better along with your husband.
Any desire that is aimed to serve Krishna is allowed.
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But, it is conditional. Both of you should (i) sincerely follow a devotional way of life, (ii) follow regulative principles and (iii) follow the rules of grahastha ashrama.
If you follow them, it will clear your karma; If you don’t follow them, it may add new karma.
For example, If I have a desire of setting up a center for practicing Krishna Consciousness. This is a genuine and spiritual desire and is allowed.
Because, such desires will help many devotees to come up in devotion.
You may like to live in Vrindavan or Mayapur for ever. Such desires are also not material and are allowed. But, you should understand the reality that one should not escape from his duties to settle in the holy places. He has to perform his duties properly and then settle in such holy places after they finish all their duties for family. And, a girl / woman should live under the protection of father or husband as said by the scriptures and also the acharyas like Srila Prabhupada.
Or, he can take entire family to Vrindavan if he can manage without a job. He has to decide in such a way that does not make anyone suffer in his family.
He should not take decisions in haste. He should evaluate all the pros and cons and then decide.
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You may like to help the vaishnavas. Such desires are encouraged because instead of stopping with just getting their blessings and services, one should help the vaishnavas and brahmanas to lead their service and life so that they can continue to do their service without difficulties. The sanyasis, full time devotees and brahmanas depend on the grahasthas only for their survival as recommended by the scriptures. Therefore, you should try your best to support them as much as possible without affecting your life. In older days, In India, a grahastha will not start eating in a day unless they donate food or needs to atleast a single person. So, helping the genuine needy people, including the bakthas is the first duty of every grahastha as per the scriptures.
Thus, your desire of marrying a devotee boy is good if your motive is to serve the lord together with spouse and if you will not show too much of interest in materialistic way of life.
(2) DESIRE FOR MATERIAL CAUSE
If you are expecting a devotee spouse to engage in physical sense gratification and to lead a life of enjoyments, this will add new karma.
A devotee should be married ONLY TO make him a better devotee by helping him.
(Finding Match for marriage Satisfying both Parents and Krishna! Tips! READ HERE!)
Our scriptures do not recommend difficult devotional practices for women and the women may just support their husbands in their devotional practices and they (wives) too can get all the mercy received by their husbands. So, a wife is expected to encourage and support her husband to come up in devotional way of life.
In case she pulls him from devotion and involve in sense gratification more, it is an offense against the Lord.
Even if a wife forces a husband who is not interested in luxurious life to buy luxurious things, it is also an offense against the Lord because she corrupts the mind of her husband from a simple way of devotional life.
In case the husband involves in prohibited acts though he has a chaste and helping wife, the reactions of his sinful acts will not affect the wife. She is insulated from his bad activities. But, his devotional practices take the wife also to the Lord along with him.
That means, the husband’s bad acts will not affect his wife, but his devotional services will help his wife too.
This is the total security/ protection given by the scriptures to the women. So, a woman should help her husband if he is a devotee. In case he leads a sinful life, she remains insulated from his sins. Though she does not divorce him, she may follow devotion on her own by following chanting, reading and following regulative principles.
(KARMA AND MARRIAGE: CONDITIONS TO VIOLATE THE KARMA OF MARRIAGE! READ HERE!)
Now, the conclusion is, your desire is allowed and encouraged if your aim is to serve the Lord in all the situations. Just take steps to get a boy like that by talking to the temple manager or president of your nearby temple and request him to recommend a devotee boy. Take your parents with you while talking to him. It is the proper way.
Yes, Good boys are available even now who are looking for good girls. If you have good devotional standing, you can get a boy of good devotional standing.
If you have too much of material goals after marriage, sorry, please spare the devotees and marry any other person who believes in God.
Again I say: A devotee should seek to marry another devotee to serve the Lord together. Not for any other material goals.
If you pray to Krishna with such a great goal of serving the Lord as couple, Krishna will definitely show a right boy to you.
To get that mercy, you too should become qualified as a sincere devotee.
If we are not sufficiently sincere in devotion, you may end up in getting an insincere devotee.
The best devotees deserve the best and will be blessed to get another best devotee.
Hope you are clear about expecting a devotee spouse to marry.
(12 TIPS TO FIND A MATCHING DEVOTEE BOY OR GIRL FOR MARRIAGE! READ HERE!)