KARMA AND MARRIAGE: CONDITIONS TO VIOLATE THE KARMA OF MARRIAGE!
A male devotee asked like this:
“Hare krishna prabhu. One thing i didn’t understand prabhu. Why do you insist others to get married? In most of your counselling, at one point or other, you have insisted on getting married.
Even in the circle of devotees, its hard to get a chaste girl who can be trustworthy.
In many of your counselling, devotee girl has confessed that they did illicit acts before and after marriage.
Anyway, it is bound to happen as written in the beginning pages of Kalki purana.
I implement and accept your all idealogies except your viewpoint about marriage. Please clarify this prabhu. Beautiful were the previous yugas where men and women know their LIMIT and MARYADA. How can a man marry a girl who has involved in violations before marriage?”
You have set your mind to a particular view about marriage and then expect my answers to match with your views. I should be a balanced writer and I usually give all the pros and cons of a topic. Though I suffer in anything, I want others not to suffer. So, I always give all aspects of an issue and leave the decision to the readers.
Every person has an opinion based on his experiences. But, I never wrote my own views. I always stick to the scriptures and acharyas. Only in a few genuine cases such as divorce, considering the present pressures of devotees, I give some relaxations, but with a condition of involving in devotion seriously. Thus, I help the devotees to escape from karma.
Srila Prabhupada clearly said that every girl should get married. So, she needs a boy. Krishna has given almost equal number of males and females. That means, every boy should also get married if all girls should marry.
As per the karma, some men and women do not get the marriage in this life. So, such persons may abstain from marrying. No comments. But, they too would have tried for marriage. That is understandable.
I never insisted to marry. I always say just try to get married if you have atleast some taste in that. Then, things will happen as per karma.
My point is, try your best to get married. If you do not have marriage even after your sincere attempts, remain a brahmachari serving the Lord.
If everyone starts to avoid marriage, there will be only singles and even our sisters can’t go out and come back safely.
Even in the west where the divorce rate is high, everyone gets married. If they face some issues, they get divorce. But, they do not fail to try marriage life.
I too encourage conditional divorce as the last step if all your sincere efforts for an amicable solution fails. But, I put a condition that you should seriously involve in devotional way of life.
I never insisted getting married. I just encourage the devotees to go with the karma.
If you are destined to suffer in marriage, you can’t escape from that. The situation will push you to enter into the marriage.
If you have no marriage, you can never get married.
So, we are bound by the karma.
You may speak dialogues. But, the reality is different.
A person would have taken steps to get married. But, he may not get married because of his family problems. That means, karma network has prevented his marriage by giving birth in a big family with problems and poverty.
I just said if you have interest in marriage, just try for that. If you get a matching girl/ boy, get married after thorough evaluation.
You have written why one should get married since the girls are not like the past and they too involve in violations.
Once a group of people brought an immoral woman to Jesus Christ telling that she should be stoned. Jesus Christ straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8.7)
Just like anyone else, even the immoral women have the opportunity to receive salvation and eternal life from God, to be cleansed of all their unrighteousness and be given a brand new life! All they must do is turn away from their sinful lifestyle and turn to the living God, whose grace and mercy are boundless. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Although immorality is sinful, these immoral women are not beyond God’s scope of forgiveness. The Bible records His use of an immoral woman named Rahab to further the fulfillment of His plan. As a result of her obedience, she and her family were rewarded and blessed (Joshua 2:1; 6:17-25). In the New Testament, a woman who had been known for being a sinner of immorality —before Jesus forgave and cleansed her from sin
This means that everyone of us has committed some kind of sins. We are not pure. Atleast we have committed some sins through thoughts though not directly. As said by Krishna, even thinking of sinful acts is equal to committing those sins.
So, no one is pure. But, we expect others to be pure. This is what happening in this society.
Of course, living with an immoral spouse is hellish. Manu says that one can desert an immoral wife. So, in such cases, you can divorce the spouse. It is permitted. Read these laws of Manu on divorce.
But, considering all women immoral is a very serious psychological setting. You should change this view. I have taken birth with 6 sisters (two dead). All of them never had unwanted discussions or love affairs with anyone. They are married and are leading their lives with husbands with full dignity.
My mother never came out of home alone. She too led such a life dedicated to my father. How can I blame women? Behind the violation of every woman, there is a man and vice versa.
How can I consider all women sinful?
It is a serious mindset that you should change.
Even now, in India, only 30-35% of people are involving in violations. In the west, it may be high.
More than 50% of children are atleast slightly abused. Who is responsible for this? We, the men.
Again I say, behind every violation of a woman, there is a man. (And, vice versa also)
In most of the cases, the men utilizes the weakness of women. In some cases, the women induce men. That’s all.
When men and women study or work together, such violations may happen in some cases, but, not in all cases.
Just because there are road accidents, are we avoiding road travel?
Just because there are violations, should we avoid marriage?
Why can’t a man try for a well known girl who is well principled in her approach with men?
If he is particular about marrying a chaste girl, why can’t he find a good girl from his known circles, relatives, etc?
Such violations existed even in treta yuga and dvapar yuga. In the treta yuga, Ravana took Sita devi that is the base of Ramayana. In the dvapar yuga, draupati was insulted in the public. This is the trouble given even for the avatars and their devotees. So, such issues should have existed for common man also.
So, such violations are not new. Even when Krishna returned to Dwaraka after finishing the Mahabhatha war, so many call girls welcomed him. Krishna too has visited the house of such a woman to bless her because she was a devotee of Krishna and was waiting to meet Him.
So, immorality existed even during Krishna’s descendence to earth.
I do not support immorality, but, if anyone with immorality stops it and surrenders to the Lord, he is forgiven. This is the point.
I always discourage keeping a single view. Every coin has two sides. There will always be some good people in this society. Even in this kaliyuga, there will be 25% of good people.
So, I do not push my personal experiences to the readers. I think in all angles and then advise.
So, if you are very much worried about the purity of spouse, take sufficient time and select a girl who has good principles in life.
If you assure that you will never get agitated with the senses, you need no marriage. But, you should evaluate yourself honestly.
Instead of avoiding marriage, but thinking of girls and pleasures, trying the marriage is the good option.
If you do not get married even after sincere attempts, avoid marriage understanding that it is your karma.
In case the spouse becomes a violator after marriage, you can desert her.
Or, if you truly have no interest in marriage, avoid and lead a life of dignity.
But, just because you does not require marriage, do not think that others may also do not require marriage.
If they skip marriage and involve in violations, they will be adding severe negative karma.
If anyone skips marriage, there may be some genuine reasons. Skipping the marriage just because we do not have good opinion about the girls and boys, is not possible because if you are destined for marriage, it will happen.
If a person is destined for marriage and issues, he can’t avoid that. Though he avoids the marriage, he will take birth again and again till he marries and faces the issues.
So, if you do not believe that there are good people also in this society, and if you like to avoid marriage, you should do the following two things to avoid further births:
(1) Lead a fully devotional life without thinking of women and pleasures. You should not have even a trace of material attachments like desire of wealth, women, fame, etc.
(2) If you are not confident of doing this, just try for a good girl from your known circles and take steps to marry. If you are destined to marry a good girl, the marriage will happen and your married life will be happier. If you are destined to face a divorce, it will happen. If you are destined no marriage, it will never happen.
Since we are bound by karma, I just tell the readers to just try for marriage. Other things will happen as per their karma.
One thing is clear:
If you are destined to marry, but you avoid marriage, and also do not seriously involve in devotion to Krishna and do not have material detachments, you will have next birth just to marry. The marriage will be pushed on you by giving births again and again till you satisfy the karma of getting married.
Sri Ramanujacharya too wanted to avoid marriage. But, he had to marry for her mother’s compulsion. However, his marriage too ended in separation. But, he became a pure Acharya.
Srila Prabhupada too married and parted his wife for her insulting Srimad Bhagavatham.
Sri Caitanya Maha Prabhu too married twice and then took sanyasa to lead a fully devotional life.
Thus, even the great acharyas had to face the marriage and separation, but, they used that sanyasa to serve the Lord, not to lead a sinful life.
Similarly, you too can avoid marriage. But, do not think of women and do not involve in prohibited acts. Become a serious and pure devotee of Krishna. Be honest to yourself.
If you find it difficult, marry and face the karma.
This is my clear view about marriage.