What to do if the devotee spouse is attached to family members?
A woman devotee (name hidden) asked like this:
“Pls hide name if you want post this. Hare krishna prabu. I married to Krishna devotee (not initiated). Eventhough i am not deep Krishna devotee before marriage, but i used to worship all gods including Krishna. After marriage, i cooking vegetarian food only without onion and garlic. Have started my chanting, ekadasi fasting and Bhagavad Gita reading slowly. As I am progressing in my spiritual path, I noticed that husband attached too much with relatives. For example, if there is temple programme/ festival same day with family functions he will choose to attend family functions. And he will spend much time on that and tend to skip temple programme or chanting. The function only 1 day but he wanted to spend more days with family, he never gives reasons to them. Since it’s a long journey when back to hometown, he will be tired after back home. Again he lost his focus for his job and god. He is trying to practise dharma, but when come to his family members he tend to not bother so much and follow what they said. If I advise, he says that family is important. Me too has many commitments but trying my best to give time for spiritual development. I worry that while I am progressing in spiritual path if he is not really serious as i said before it will cause problem. For example, I might want to attend temple program and he might want to attend family functions. How to solve this problem prabhu? Should i move slowly in my spiritual progress? Need your advice prabhu. Thank you.
REPLY:
(This reply is applicable to both the husbands and wives!)
Nothing to do. Nothing is dangerous with your husband. He is alright. You only are getting agitated.
Only because we take it offensive if the devotee spouse is attached to family members, there are more divorces among the devotee circles than the outside world.
Not following devotion seriously is not a crime. It is just negligence.
(My husband does not co-operate in my devotional practices! What to do? READ HERE!)
TODAY’s CASUAL DEVOTEES WILL BE TOMORROW’s SERIOUS DEVOTEES!
Tomorrow may be even next birth. Understand this reality!
Do not scold me for telling like this.
Why should you correct him?
Is he drinking or smoking or having illicit relations?
No….. He is just attached with family members.
That means, he has more material attachments. That’s all. He is not a person of bad character. So, feel happy for having a husband who values family relations.
Why should he hate or give less importance for his family members just because he loves Krishna?
(22 Tips to avoid differences if your husband is not interested in devotion! READ HERE )
If you advice like this, no one will come to the devotional path, particularly, Krishna consciousness.
Remember, only those relatives may clean your body for long period of time when you become bed ridden, not the people in the spiritual organizations.
We need not advice to be detached. When he starts to practice Krishna Consciousness, material detachment will automatically grow in due course of time.
And, you too are not a serious devotee, but, has just now started to follow. So, just because you have taken Krishna Consciousness, why do you expect immediate following by your husband also?
He took birth in a different environment and family structure.
So, he can’t be similar in accepting the devotional path like you. He can’t improve in devotion in the same speed like you.
Women are mostly emotional in nature. That is why, they improve fast in devotion compared to the male devotees. If you see in the temples, there will be more female devotees than male devotees.
(HOW TO DEAL IF THE “DEVOTEE HUSBAND OR WIFE” IS INTERESTED IN SENSE GRATIFICATION? READ HERE!)
This is the reality. Females easily take devotion. Males usually take long period to accept devotional path because they have comparatively less emotions and more diversions.
That is why, females are easily cheated. If you take the cheating by a finance company, most of the affected persons will be wives/ females. These cheaters first convince the wives about their bogus schemes and then the wives convince their husbands to invest in their firm. Finally, get cheated.
That is why, I am advising all, particularly the females NOT TO BE emotional in all their dealings. They should apply their intelligence, evaluate everything and then decide anything.
Your husband is not a sinner He is just loving to be with his relatives. If he comes to devotion seriously and deserts his attachment with you, then, you will cry saying your husband is not loving you.
(A Devotee wife and Non Devotee husband – How to manage? READ HERE!)
So, accept your life as it is and thank Krishna for not having given an immoral husband for you. First show your abundant love to husband and make him happy. Do not accuse him for being attached to family. Instead, ask him to attend temple with you, chant and then be with the family. Stage by stage, he will reduce his spending more time with relations.
In my opinion, this is not at all an issue. Just the husband has to be diverted more towards Krishna. That’s all. It will happen only slowly.
Only because he is a good husband, he is allowing you to practice devotion. This itself shows his greatness as the husband of a devotee!
So, appreciate him and encourage him to be with you in temples. Do not pressurize him to become like sanyasi even now. Everything will happen only as per the wish of Krishna.
So, be patient and try to make him follow devotion more seriously stage by stage and do not accuse him for spending time with relatives.
Hope you are clear about how to deal if the devotee spouse is attached to family members.
(How to make the husband a devotee of Krishna? A Bold and Powerful Trick! READ HERE)