If a devotee involves in illicit relations, is he still a devotee?
Hare Krishna Prabhuji I am 38 years unmarried girl having x relation with 56 years man. We are in relations from 15 years. He is married he has two kids they are now abroad. Vitthal Bhakti my family is doing from many generations. We have vigrhah of Vitthal Rukmini at home . I am keeping fast of Ekadashi more than 15 years. Because of this my good fortune, I came in contact with one temple but they are saying no illicit sex is one of the principle others I am following. I told to my friend now about this. But we decided earlier that I will not get marry till we continue this. He is very good person. When I was 23 years, my father passed away. He helped me lot. He has support me for my higher education and made me independent. Now you tell me- can I follow Krishna Bhakti ?
See, anyone can follow devotion. It is advisable to follow VIDHI BHAKTI (Vaidhi Bhakti) during the initial stage of getting purified stage by stage.
Vaidhi Bhakti means, following devotion while following the disciplinary rules and as per the recommended procedures.
Though Loving Krishna is superior to Vaidhi Bhakti, I recommend Vaidhi Bhakti for those devotees who have not yet got purified sufficiently to develop prema with Krishna.
(Why the devotees should avoid offenses strictly? READ HERE!)
What I mean is – though you have given your heart to Krishna and are showing your love to Him, unless you follow VAIDHI BHAKTI or PURITY, there are chances for the fall down from devotional status as this kaliyuga is full of inducements.
Say, you are studying school final. You have sharp brain and memory power. Fine. Even if you read a chapter just once, you can remember.
This does not mean you need not read that chapter again.
Unless you revise that chapter again and again, there are chances of forgetting the chapter at the time of examination.
Because, our brain has a nature of forgetting anything unless it is properly revised.
Same applies in devotion also.
You may love Krishna. You may feel a closeness. Fine.
This may even be the outcome of dry emotional output.
For example, I know a teen girl of 17 years who was telling me that she is chanting 32 rounds a day. I felt ashamed about myself that I myself am unable to chant that much. I thought that I too should come like her one day.
But, after about six months, I heard the news that the same girl ran with a boy and married.
I could not believe that.
(How to repent for not following the Vows given to Guru? READ HERE!)
But, alas, that was true that I found later.
Why this happens?
How can a girl who chanted 32 rounds can run away against her family’s wishes?
After that, she came to me one day.
I asked her why she did so.
She said: “Prabhu, I chanted 32 rounds, but, I did not do it properly from my heart. Therefore, I failed in controlling my senses. My senses disturbed me and hence I had to marry him as my family won’t agree for love in the age of 17. Had I chanted with taste and sincerity, I would have controlled my senses and avoided that marriage that was against the wish of my family”
This is what I am telling for very long period.
(If One involves in illicit relations as per karma, why it adds karma again? READ HERE!)
‘Do not perform the devotional practices without a taste in it. Do not be mechanical. Do not do just because others do. Chanting and other rituals should be done with taste. Otherwise, you can’t control your sense disturbances.’
Why I have given these examples?
To show that VAIDHI BHAKTI is also important in this kaliyuga to purify our consciousness, though we love Krishna.
Anyone can love Krishna. But, only a few will be ready to do sacrifices for Him.
Sacrifices means, what?
Spending time, energy and care to serve Krishna by following the devotional practices and services recommended by the scriptures and acharyas.
Unless we follow this VAIDHI Bhakti, we will be under the risk of fall down at any point of our life. In other words, devotion without discipline is cheating. A devotee means, he is pure or he is on the way of purification.
(I, an initiated male devotee committed violation with my co-staff, ALSO violating guru. What to do? READ HERE!)
In your case, you are in physical relation with a married and elderly man for 15 years.
This is clearly an illicit relation.
You say that you are loving Krishna, worshiping His deities and following ekadasi fasts also.
Good. You are half the way in your devotional practices. I appreciate that.
But, unless we follow the VAIDHI of four regulative principles, all our efforts in devotion may go in vein in future. You may fall seriously in the materialistic way of life.
From your message, I understand that you are dominated with emotional way of devotion without any efforts to avoid the violation of regulative principles, not a proper way of devotion.
Though Krishna will show mercy on you too, our target of going back to His kingdom may not be possible unless we follow the disciplinary rules.
A person who is following illicit relations can’t enter into Krishna’s kingdom. Because, illicit relation is also a prohibited materialistic sinful activity.
(SPIRITUAL TIPS TO AVOID WATCHING SENSE INDUCING CONTENTS AND ITS CONSEQUENCES! READ HERE!)
Because, You can’t dedicate that sinful activity to Krishna. Only if we do all our activities for Krishna, we will be out of karma.
How can we dedicate our illicit relations for Krishna?
Therefore, my advice to you is:
STOP THIS RELATION THOUGH HE IS THE BEST GUY IN THIS WORLD. HE IS NOT A GOOD GUY TO HAVE RELATIONS WITH YOU HAVING HIS WIFE ALSO – WHATEVER THE REASON MAY BE.
Therefore, do not say that he is a good guy.
If he is a good guy, he would have helped you with dutiful mind and maintained decent relations with you.
If a girl comes to me seeking a financial support, what should I do as a good guy?
I should help her, bless her and forget it.
(Memories of my past sins disturb my present life. What to do? READ HERE!)
What he did?
He helped you and also developed relations with you.
How can this be good?
Therefore, I can’t accept that he is good in helping you.
PLEASE COME OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. TELL HIM CLEARLY THAT HEREAFTER YOU WILL NOT CALL HIM or MESSAGE HIM AND ARE GOING TO INVOLVE IN DEVOTION SINCERELY AND AS PER THe RECOMMENDATIONS.
After cutting this relation, go to Krishna in that temple and beg for His forgiveness for your past activities and assure Him that you will not involve in such activities in future.
Follow that in letter and spirit.
If you do that, you too will definitely grow fast in devotion. You can even go back to Krishna if you develop material detachment also.
If you simultanelously and willingly involve in devotion as well as illicit relations, please either stop illicit relations or calling yourself as a devotee.
Let other devotees be safe. Devotion and illicit relations should not coexist.
All the best.
(How to repent for our past illicit activities? READ HERE!)