Should the devotees avoid physical relations after initiation?
A woman devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna Prabhuji, Dandvat Pranam. My question is related to initiation, I searched all the related posts but could not find a reply hence I am asking it here. Prabhuji, me and my husband are preparing ourselves for initiation. We strictly follow all regulative principles and chant 16 rounds. I wanted to ask if physical relations with the husband are completely prohibited after taking initiation? Is there any such strict rule that after taking diksha you can have physical relation with the husband only for child bearing, otherwise not? We have 2 kids and we won’t plan for a third child so wanted to know if we should completely leave the physical relations? Please guide prabhuji as our decision on how to proceed with initiation will be based on your reply.”
REPLY:
See, Once you get initiated, it is the new birth and start of a new DEVOTIONAL LIFE for you.
This new life is meant for taking steps to go back to Krishna. Materialistic approach is discouraged after getting initiated.
So, take initiation only if you can follow the rules.
Avoiding physical relations not for child, is the highest standard expected to be followed after initiation.
If you are not sure that you can follow the diksha rules, please avoid taking diksha till you become confident that you can follow the rules.
(Avoiding & Repenting for violations with women after initiation (diksha)! READ HERE!)
I did not take initiation in twenties, but took only after performing decades of service in ISKCON.
Though I had no physical barriers, I had some other duties and hence I had doubts that I could not follow the rules properly. So, I delayed and took diksha only after I was convinced that I can follow the rules. Because, I was careful that I should not live with the guilt.
In your case, you say that you have no idea to have a child further.
So, you feel that you can never have sex if you take diksha now.
Mating is definitely allowed with regulations to get children and make them devotees. Mating for pleasure alone is to be restricted.
(Grahastha Rule of ONLY ONCE A MONTH relations and Childlessness! – A Case Study! READ HERE!)
This is the highest standard expected from the devotees. It is advisable to follow and both the husband and wife should have proper understanding to follow this.
If the spouse is unable to cooperate, better to delay taking diksha.
However, your spiritual master can give you any permission in exceptional, unavoidable cases. But, avoiding mating without the need to get children is the highest standard expected.
So, my first advice is that you should postpone the diksha till you and your husband attain sense control or naturally retire from sex life.
If you plan to get as many children you are given, and make them devotees, you can mate even after diksha.
If the target is not child, then, you may not be able to follow the advice of mating for child only.
Though some devotees violate some rules silently, I can not recommend you to violate after diksha.
A devotee should aim for following this highest standard of avoiding mating without the need to get child.
(Is Sense Gratification without getting children possible for devotees? READ HERE!)
At the same time, whenever you are disturbed severely by senses, instead of violating, having mating with the spouse is better.
As per the Stri dharma, a wife should help her husband whenever he is sexually unstable, and Vice versa.
So, keep the highest standard in mind; Try your best to follow; Act according to the ground reality in your house. Because the needs and levels of all the males and all the females are not the same. So, aim to achieve the highest standard.
Having sex for entertainment or enjoyment is discouraged after initiation. At the same time, husband and wife living like friends with mutual love and respect is welcome.
But, I can honestly advise you to postpone diksha till both of you retire from sex or develop sense control. This is the better option.
(Is Grahastha life Impure & Inferior? Can a Grahastha go back to Krishna? READ HERE!)
This is not a new rule. In fact, all the rules stipulated by Srila Prabhupada were existing in vedic scriptures. Srila Prabhupada simplified them and gave like a capsule.
All such mating rules are existing among the brahmana families already.
Even among other brahmanas, monthly once rule is there.
Onion , garlic restrictions are there.
Meat eating restrictions are there.
Illicit sex restrictions are there.
(What to do if my devotee Husband marries another girl for physical needs? READ HERE!)
Krishna Consciousness is the elevating process.
One should not ride in two horses at a time – Both Krishna and Attachments.
It will not give desired results.
So, wait till you and he attains sense control.
Or, discuss to ensure that you can manage the mating rules without fail and then take diksha.
If you do not approach this issue properly, you can not avoid issues between you and him in future after initiation.
So, do not be blindly emotional. Evaluate your situation and take decision accordingly.
Hope you are now clear about physical relations not for child after initiation.
(No Mating or Mating to get devotee children – Which is good for devotee couples? READ HERE!)