22 Tips to avoid differences if your husband is not interested in devotion!
A woman devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
Hare Krishna Prabhuji. I am a married woman. Mine was a love marriage. My husband is a good man but after marriage i have observed so many changes in him. Earlier i was most important for him but now he enjoys everything which he used to ignore. He used to understand me but now if i complain about anything, he just starts shouting at me. If his family members do something wrong or complain about something, he tries to show me that why they are doing this but if i do the same thing, he says very bad things to me. We both worship Krishna. We dont eat onion garlic. I try to read BG & watch Prabhupada’s videos, I hear his lecture. I am working so I get little time to do these things. I dont chant regularly but i really wish too. Whenever I chant, my mind starts thinking about things which are disturbing me, or things that i have to do, my mind starts planning, thinks about the bad things that my husband says to me. I am just concern about his spiritual progress. Prabhupada says that a wife should see God in his husband. I try a lot but every time he does such things, i get disappointed. I ask him to read, hear lecture, chant etc but he doesn’t do anything instead he watches material videos and fb and tells me that at least he is doing puja everyday. I am happy that he is doing something but when i see him doing things which are of no use i feel sad & my mind gets very disturbed. Now he feels that he is living in a jail with me that he cannot do anything. I dont like when he spends time with his friends who are totally engrossed in material life. I am just insecure that he might not get influenced by them as maya is very strong. My mind constantly compares him with what he used to say or do before marriage. He still performs his material duties well. He takes care of me. but he is not able to understand my emotional needs. I think that it is my karma but i am really concerned about his spiritual progress. He knows everything, but still not able to follow. He is also very much pressurized by his job, very hectic schedule he has. So he thinks by watching some funny videos, fb & spending time with friends, will relax his mind. I am pregnant and same concern i have for the soul in my womb. I wish to give him a life where he can totally concentrate on Krishna but my current situation is not in so much favor. And because all these things I myself am unable to focus on my spiritual life. I am so disturbed and getting depressed. Please guide me how should I behave with my husband, how should I encourage him to concentrate more on Krishna, how should I see Krishna in him? How should I concentrate on my spiritual progress? Please hide my name.
This must be replied case to case only depending on the situation. However, let me give some common tips:
(1) You have to sincerely pray to Krishna to make your husband a serious devotee. Just because a wife is involved in Krishna Consciousness, she should not expect her husband too should involve to the same level followed by her. Differences will always be there.
(2) Your husband seems to be duty bound and is doing all his family duties. He does not have illicit activities. He needs relaxing moments from his material friends.
That’s all he is doing. All the problems are because you are in rush to make your husband a devotee of similar nature like you.
(3) If you continue to pressurize him like this, the differences between you and your husband may widen further.
This difference in the preferences exist in almost all the families. If everyone starts to make the relations complicated because of these differences, then, no couple can live together.
(4) In many families in which the wives follow devotion and others not, even the wives commit some mistakes by making herself distinct from others. This causes a strain in the relations.
The wives following devotion should keep certain things in mind:
(1) She should not skip her family duties. When the household works are affected because of involvement in Krishna Consciousness (henceforth will be called as KC), the family members get agitated and hence blame the K.C itself.
(2) If you like to perform K.C peacefully, you have to keep your house environment peaceful. When will your house be peaceful? Only until everything goes well. They should get their food in time; The house should be clean. The children should be sent to school in time. They should score good marks in exams. You should returning from temple in time without making the family members to wait. You should not impose too much of restrictions in personal affairs between husband and wife.
(3) So, if you do all your regular duties as a wife perfectly, and then involve in KC sadhanas, there will not be much objection from your family. Because, they will not have any point to raise. Because, nothing would have stopped.
(4) But, many wives find it difficult to balance between household works and devotional practices.
(5) Until the electricity is supplied promptly without interruption, the people will not think about the very big network working behind the electricity supply. They will be peaceful. But, when the electricity starts to interrupt frequently, the people start to accuse the government like anything.
(6) So, you have to maintain the regular show also perfectly. Then, in the remaining period, do the KC sadhanas.
(7) IF YOU ARE AN EMPLOYEE: If possible, wake up atleast two hrs earlier than your family members and silently chant, take bath, offer mangal arati to Lord. By this time, your husband and other will wake up and start household works.
(8) IF YOU ARE A HOUSEWIFE: Otherwise, if you are a house wife, do all KC sadhanas after sending the employed people to their work spots. Do the sadhanas during afternoon.
(9) If you thus manage both KC and family beautifully, stage by stage, they will start to appreciate you. In due course of time, they too may involve in KC. So, try to follow positive approach.
(10) Some wives who have non-devotees as husband speak very advanced concepts of KC in their home to show their knowledge and create inferiority complex among the family members. For example: “This world is maya. All of you are wasting your life. You are doing what even dogs do – like eating, matting, sleeping, defending” like that.
(11) Though their points are correct, their husband and family may not digest them because of ego. So, they may fear that their wives may become a sanyasini and fail to perform duties or leave the home. No one is required to leave home to do KC. So, wives must speak positively and eagerly involve in household activities also. They must speak sweet words to the family members. They must love their husband and children. KC is not a dull process. It is a vibrant and blissful process.
(12) So, be blissful; Advance in Krishna Bakthi. For that, don’t give up your family responsibilities as Krishna has advised us to perform our assigned duties.
(13) However, don’t develop too much of attachment with the material affairs. Do everything just as assigned duties keeping attachment with Krishna, like gopis. Gopis were very affectionate to Krishna and at the same time, they did all their household duties perfectly.
(14) Thus, Take care that your Krishna Conscious activities do not affect your relations with your husband and other family members. Keep begging Krishna for giving them enlightenment. One day, they too will accompany you in your K.C Sadhanas.
(15) Next, about arguments with husband: Usually, the relations will not be the same on all the days. There are always ups and downs in any relation. So, there is no meaning in expecting your husband to behave like the same as he behaved in the first 3-6 months of marriage. Initially, the couples will be in a joyful mood as they have just entered the life. After 3-6 months, they come to regular life and face day to day pressures. So, though they love each other, they do not express it frequently, as they did in the first 3-6 months. And, after getting a child, they face more pressures and hence there will be responsibilities that may curtail the frequency of close exchanges.
(16) So, understand the ground reality and accept your husband along with his pressures and strains. Arguments are natural between husband and wife, but, both of you should not allow that to affect your marital life. You must forget any words within hours. Otherwise, it will affect your understanding.
(17) In this kaliyuga, we can not find 100% perfect person. So, we have to accept a person along with his/ her weaknesses. This is the way for peace in life.
(18) The best way of making others devotees is by seeing your following devotion as well as duty-bound nature. If you balance the both beautifully without pressurizing others to follow your way of life, in due course of time, they themselves will change and start to follow devotion.
It may take months or years or even decades or in rare cases births. But, this VASANA, ie, SAMSKAR will make them follow one day.
Only this hope is our life. Let us hope for good. THIS Post will help you to make your husband a devotee of Krishna earlier.