HOW TO DEAL IF THE “DEVOTEE HUSBAND OR WIFE” IS INTERESTED IN SENSE GRATIFICATION?
A woman devotee asked like this (Name hidden):
“Hare Krishna Prabhu. I am chanting 16 rounds daily. I am trying to follow a devotional life. But, my husband is also a devotee but he is pulling me into sense gratifications more. I am not willing to cooperate with him. So, problems arise between us and he does not allow me to go to temple. Please advise me what to do in this situation. Thank you Prabhu”
In many families, the husband or wife may be following Krishna Consciousness seriously and hence she will naturally become less interested and hence be reducing physical relations. But, the spouse will be very much interested in physical relations though he/ she is also chanting and doing rituals.
In such a situation, following the spiritual life may be difficult for that devotee husband or wife. In some cases, even separation happens. The devotee may like to see his/ her spouse also become less interested in physical relations so that both of them can follow devotional rules peacefully and co-operatively.
We can not expect that the devotee husband or wife will be equally controlled in such matters though both of them are following rituals and devotional practices. It is natural. All the fingers are not alike. Both of them have different level of interests in sense gratification.
Then, What to do if one partner is interested in that and another is not though both of them are devotees?
Let us see Srila prabhupada’s suggestions now:
(1) CHANT MORE SINCERELY! SENSE DISTURBANCES WILL COME DOWN!
syat krsna-nama-caritadi-sitapy avidya-
pittopatapta-rasanasya na rocika nu
kintv adarad anudinam khalu saiva j usta
svadvi kramad bhavati tad-gada-mula-hantri
“The holy name, character, pastimes and activities of Krsna are all transcendentally sweet like sugar candy. Although the tongue of one afflicted by the jaundice of avidya [ignorance] cannot taste anything sweet, it is wonderful that simply by carefully chanting these sweet names every day, a natural relish awakens within his tongue, and his disease is gradually destroyed at the root.”
Srila prabhupada during Morning Walk, May 14, 1975, Perth:
“Srila Prabhupada, how can the position be reconciled if in Krishna consciousness one of the two, the husband or the wife, wants to enjoy sense gratification, but the other does not? Should there be separation then?
No… They should be trained up. Sense enjoyment means not advanced in Krishna consciousness. As soon as one is advancing in Krishna consciousness, his sense enjoyment spirit will be reduced. That is the test. Bhaktih pareshanubhavo viraktir anyatra ca [SB 11.2.42]. The test is, how you are advancing in Krishna consciousness is the proportionate diminishing of sense enjoyment. That is the test. Just like cure of the disease means diminishing the fever, temperature. This is the test.
Devotee (1): What if that (material) fever is not being diminished?
Then he should try to chant Hare Krishna mantra, instead of sixteen rounds, sixty-four rounds. That is the way. Sixteen round is the minimum. Otherwise Haridasa Thakura was 300,000. So you have to increase. That is the only remedy. If one has got determination, he will make progress without any trouble. That determination is very difficult, that determination, “I must be Krishna conscious fully.” That determination. Dridha-vratah.”
What is the solution recommended by him?
If your senses disturb even after you follow sadhanas of Krishna Consciousness, no need to go to a doctor.
DO NOT STICK WITH THE MINIMUM RECOMMENDED NUMBER OF ROUNDS OF CHANTING.
JUST CHANT MORE AND MORE AND MORE THAN 16 ROUNDS.
CHANT AS MANY ROUNDS AS POSSIBLE BASED ON YOUR AVAILABLE FREE TIME! WHENEVER YOUR SENSES DISTURB MORE, CHANT 64 ROUNDS.
The chanting should be done with focus on Krishna and with utmost sincerity with full faith in Krishna.
IN DUE COURSE OF TIME, YOUR SENSES WILL START TO CALM DOWN.
Simple, though it takes a few hours a day.
What to do?
Sense control is that much difficult as agreed by Krishna Himself in Bhagavad Gita.
In addition to that give your husband as much association as possible with the devotees of Krishna. Because, insufficient association may give more sense disturbances.
Reduce masala (spicy) materials in the prasadam.
However, in another angle, do not suddenly stop cooperating him in sense gratification. It will make him aggressive and frustrated. As per the stri dharma, it is the duty of a wife to satisfy the needs of her husband.
This slight relaxation just for husband will not add violating karma for you. While giving him some cooperation now and then, engage him in the devotional practices seriously.
Make your home itself like a temple and arrange some sathsangha programs in your home itself every week that will give him extra association with the devotees.
He will be like this for a few more years only. Once he crosses 45 years of age, he will automatically come down in his desires. Following the above tips will make his reformation faster, say, even in 40.
Since he is also a devotee, do not think of breaking relations with him and he can be regulated as soon as possible.
Be hopeful in life.