Is Senior Devotees giving solution for personal problems of devotees right?
Actual Question from two male devotees (Names hidden):
“Can a temple President promote n advice people to divorce without consideration of both. Husband n wife??”
Dear Prabhu. You are giving amazing counselling services. But, Can you encourage the devotees to come to you with their personal issues? Are you aware of the risk of being dragged towards maya for you if you hear more and more problems of the devotees? I am curious to know how you manage this”
You have written about this counselling services thinking from my side.
I am happy about it.
Yes, the devotees may not know the difficult situation for the devotees giving solution for personal problems of devotees.
If you ask the psychiatrists, they will tell how they too become like a psychologically affected person treating the psycho patients regularly. I have heard a psychiatrist saying that he is unable to manage his relations properly because of the side effects of his psychiatrist profession.
(Why devotees call others as Prabhuji as only Krishna is Prabhu? READ HERE!)
I too suffer with such effects. For the past 10 years, I have counselled more than 2200 devotees as posts in our media. Other than them, I have also given brief tips through messages to hundreds of devotees if those messages are not fit (or) too personal to publish.
I have clearly understood the real meaning of Krishna’s description of this material world as Dhukkalayam and Aasvatham, after having functioned as a genuine counsellor. There were some devotees who have got advice for even the most personal issues that can not be imagined.
I did not call for questions in the beginning. Reading my practical advices in our media, the devotees started to ask for right solutions for their problems. As a responsible counsellor, among 1000s of counsellings, I have not allowed not even a single case of misuse or development of my personal contact with anyone.
Some devotees may have realized how severely I would have been disturbed/ pained hearing the serious problems of others. I did not earn even a single rupee when I gave those counsellings for the first 8 years. Only when my personal life was financially affected, I started Horoscope services and getting voluntary support without compulsion from those who understand the need to take care of me.
By repeatedly attending the personal queries of hundreds of devotees, I have become a good sanyasi even without any sanyasa diksha (!!!). I am fully reformed hearing the pains of others.
So, being a dedicated counsellor is definitely affecting the psychology of the counsellors. I am the best example for that. I can humbly call it as a sacrifice for the devotee community. If they truly realize that sacrifice, it may reduce my pains to some extent.
(BOOK DISTRIBUTION – WHY IT IS THE BEST SERVICE FOR DEVOTEES? READ HERE!)
Ok, next, let us see whether we can give counselling for others’ issues.
Usually, it is not advisable because of the reasons mentioned above as t affects our devotional practices. But, a counsellor should focus on sadhanas more than others to avoid getting carried away by maya. I am doing that. I honestly chant, read and follow the vidhi bhakti sincerely. So, I am protected by Krishna sufficiently.
However, if, except the leader, all the others are inexperienced devotees, the leader can give some tips from the scriptures keeping both the husband and wife together in his presence. That’s all.
If he starts to hear and mediate the problems of the couples, he too will have the risk of falling in the materialistic way of life.
A spiritual leader/ preacher is expected to preach for the purification of soul. If the soul is purified, most of the problems related to body will vanish because that person will not give importance for body related pleasures and pains.
Therefore, it is always good for a spiritual leader/ devotee to stop just with the preaching of great spiritual/ devotional facts. The Devotees giving solution for personal problems of devotees is like walking on the edge of a sharp knife.
(How to bring more people for your Krishna Conscious House Programs? READ HERE!)
If any couple comes to him conveying their personal problems, he can just advise to focus on God and give less importance for those silly issues.
Why I am telling like this?
Because, if he gives a solution, it can’t satisfy both the parties. One may be pleased and the other may be displeased. Thus, he will lose the faith of a devotee.
As far as marital issues are concerned, we can’t satisfy them easily. One may exaggerate the activities of the other. No one will accept his own fault. He/ she will put all the accusations on the other person. Giving a correct judgement is very difficult.
Even if he gives a judgement, it will affect one party.
The spiritual leader/ devotee should speak about spirit only, ie, soul.
A boy may be a non devotee before marriage. After marriage, he may embrace a devotional path. After that, he may start to hate marital relations. This change of consciousness may create many issues in his married life. The innocent wife will be crying because of the change of preferences of her husband.
(How Krishna reacts to one’s preaching of false concepts and manthras? READ HERE!)
What is her mistake? Nothing. He married her and was living happily. He got a chance to embrace devotional life. After that, he changed his preferences in his life. The wife became an unwanted burden for him. Therefore, he starts to find faults in his wife.
He may consult some spiritual leaders about his inability to manage life with his wife.
In this episode, the wife may be a victim if the spiritual leader advises him to divorce his wife. For no fault on her side, she will be suffering after the divorce.
Therefore, though the Senior Devotees giving solution for personal problems of devotees can be allowed the counsellors should refrain from involving in the personal affairs of the devotees.
Then, how to regulate the people from disciplinary matters?
(1) He can give general instructions of managing a married life while following devotion. As a preacher, I am doing that only. I give general tips for following devotion after marriage. I don’t ‘directly’ involve in the personal affairs of the couples. I just guide them and forget the episode.
(What is maya and whether all the non-Indians are under maya? READ HERE!)
(2) He can give general advice to all in a common platform or medium that he/ she should be patient in life and accept the spouse with his/ her negatives also.
(3) He can also give general advice that a husband or wife should avoid divorce for silly and correctable reasons. Just because one is advancing in devotion, he/ she should not divorce his/ her innocent and cooperating spouse.
(4) He can generally advise publicly that unless a person is unchaste, uncaring and torturous, a husband or wife should not go for divorce.
Thus, he can give some general suggestions. The couples should try their best to follow these general advices.
In case they are not able to cope up and like to go for divorce even after trying to follow these general advices, they should not come to the spiritual leaders or preachers. They themselves should decide on marital problems and divorce.
My request to the devotees: Approach the spiritual leaders only for spiritual reasons, not for material reasons. Just hear their public advice and try to follow them.
(How women preachers of Krishna are successful and how should they manage the preaching? READ HERE!)
So, my answer to your question is: The spiritual leader or temple manager need not involve in the issues of both the parties. Instead, he should totally avoid involving in such marital problems, but, he should just guide them using the scriptures. This will ensure that he helps others without losing his spiritual standing.
Why I am giving counselling?
Without the will of Krishna, even a single leaf can not move in air. Whatever skill one has is given by Krishna only to get some works done.
In my case, Krishna has sent thousands of suffering devotees to me and has given me opportunity to help them. This is the will of Krishna. What makes me really happy is that Krishna also gave me to guide others without developing personal attachment with them. I am every grateful to Krishna for this great boon. Nothing is my performance. Only that of Kriishna. This is my firm view.
Hope you are clear about whether Senior Devotees can give solutions for personal problems of devotees.
(Advising the erring person or leaving the spot – which is good for devotees? READ HERE!)