A devotee with Materialistic spouse – Tips to Manage devotional practices!
Qn. In detail from two woman devotees:
(1)
“sir. My husband is a materialistic guy and he always accused me for my devotion on krsna. We had quarrels frequently. So, I am thinking of leaving him and stay in temple. In my town, there is no center to follow krsna. I should travel more than 100 kms. In that temple, they don’t allow rare comers like me. What to do. Please advice. I am struggling in family”
(2)
“Hare Krishna Prabhuji. My husband accuse me to go to temple. I go to the temple for sathsangha, fighting with my husband. But, temples give lectures, arati, puja, etc. But, I cant speak with devotees to get consolation. The initiated devotees hesitate to associate with new comers like me. I have no happiness in home and temple. Please guide me what to do.”
REPLY:
A devotee wife need no leave her materialistic husband for the sake of following devotion.
Let us see how to manage with materialistic spouse:
(1) Actually, you should not expect perfection in this kaliyuga. We have to accept others along with their negatives. Otherwise, we will never get any relations. Remember, NO ONE IS 100% PERFECT IN THIS WORLD. Everyone has some defects.
(A Devotee wife and Non Devotee husband – How to manage? READ HERE!)
(2) So, my first advice to both of you is: DON’T EXPECT TO ASSOCIATE WITH THE PERFECT PEOPLE ALONE. Get whatever ‘level of goodness’ you can get from them and reject the ‘bads’ in them. Never become a victim of the ‘bads’ of others. However, you can not reject them as they may have good knowledge to deliver. Learn from them the goodness they have and neglect the bad qualities they have. So, like swan, derive good and reject bad.
(3) You have said that the devotees in your nearby temple are not exemplary. Remember, just because a devotee is an initiated or a senior devotee, it does not mean that he has learnt everything. Everyone is still learning and is delivering to us whatever he is learning. No one is FULLY LEARNED ABOUT KRISHNA in any organisation or temple.
(How to make the husband a devotee of Krishna? A Bold and Powerful Trick! READ HERE!)
Initiation means beginning of spiritual life, not the approval for completion. Initiated devotees means that the devotees who have pledged to follow Krishna Consciousness. Being an initiated devotee is not the certification that he is a scholar in the science of Krishna. Actually, initiated student means that he is a committed student to follow devotional way of life.
Without knowing this, some devotees get a kind of superior feeling after getting initiated. It is wrong. They should always be merciful to those who are new comers.
One can not become a scholar in Krishna Consciousness on his own decision. A scholar in Krishna Consciousness is exposed to the world by Krishna Himself in due course of time.
(Should a devotee girl live with a torturous non devotee father or husband? READ HERE!)
Krishna says that even Brahma could not fully understand the glories of Himself. Then , what about the humans? They are also learning till their end. So, derive whatever you need from them humbly. Never speak anything wrong against though devotees though they could not satisfy your expectations. They may have their own problems of managing everything. We should not accuse others without knowing their actual position. It may become a vaishnava aparath (Offense). So, beg Krishna to show a good guide. That is enough. Accept what is available in your local temple. Also accept the sources like me as shown by Krishna by driving you to this site service. Without the mercy of Krishna, you can not get a good, balanced guide.
(4) About your another comment that the devotees are very strict with non-devotees. In some cases, the temple authorities have to be strict in the case of new devotees or non-devotees as they want to maintain a certain standard of discipline in the temples.
(5 Conditions for a Krishna devotee to marry a Non devotee Meat eater! READ HERE!)
In the case of ISKCON temples, the male and female devotees are expected to be seated separately though they are husbands and wives, because the atmosphere of the temple must be neat. Girls and boys are not expected to unnecessarily discuss there except about Krishna. And, some new devotees might not be aware of the rules inside the temples. So, they may behave differently. There are security concerns also as now a days. So, such restrictions are inevitable in the case of new devotees/ non-devotees. So, view these things positively. If anyone truly ill treat any new devotee personally, inform this to the temple president/ manager politely.
(5) You tell that you have no one to properly guide you. You are living in the electronically developed world. So, you can use the technology to learn. All the speeches and writings of Srila Prabhupada are available online as well as hard copies. By reading them regularly, you will gain good knowledge about Krishna Consciousness. Clarify doubts from your temple devotees. Every senior devotee will be capable of explaining the doubts. They may not do so due to work load. In such cases, you can use the internet forums of devotees. If you try to learn through net, be vigilant as there are many negative preaching also about almost all the spiritual organisations as internet is an unregulated media. So, my best advice is getting the hard copies of Srila Prabhuppada’s all the books.
(A Devotee wife and Lusty Non Devotee husband – How to manage? READ HERE!)
(6) Bother only about what you can get from the temple. You need deity darshan, Kirtan, satsangha, guidance and books that are available in all the temples. A person needs nothing else from a temple.
(7) Your next problem: No support from your husband as you are a devotee with Materialistic spouse. Remember, more than half of the women devotees are practising Krishna Consciousness without the support of their husbands. Srila Prabhupada has said that the husband is the first guru for a wife. So, you are a devotee with Materialistic spouse and though your husband is not helping you in devotion, respect his position as husband. Do all the duties as a wife, mother and daughter-in-law. If you are a house wife, after sending your husband to the duty, start your devotional practices. If you are a working woman, you can chant and read while travelling or in break time in your work place. All you need is just 2 hours daily to chant and read. Your husband will be away from you for about 8-10 hrs daily. So, you can use that time for essential devotional practices such as chanting, reading, etc. During holidays, wake up very earlier and complete chanting before your husband wake up.
(Is it good for a girl devotee remaining unmarried instead of marrying a non devotee boy? READ HERE!)
The point is: Do all the household duties and follow devotion to Krishna in the gaps you get. Do not behave differently to husband showing yourself as a big devotee. By behaving normally with the husband, you will not face objection from husband.
(8) You say that you like to go out and settle in a temple. A devotee with Materialistic spouse is not expected to leave the spouse for performing devotion. You try to do from within the family itself. If you think that the life in temple will be peaceful, it may be wrong because problems will be there everywhere in different forms. Young women like you are not allowed to stay in temples as per the practice as the temple is a place where brahmacharis stay and do their service. So, be with your husband and practice devotion. It seems that your husband is not torturing you, but, just advising against devotional practices. So, manage there itself as he seems to be a good person though he does not like you involving in devotional way of life. He may fear that you will become a sanyasini and go out of home in future. So, remove his fear by being kind with your husband and consider him as the representative of Krishna in your personal life. Because, Krishna lives in his heart too.
(Should a wife serve a non devotee husband also? READ HERE!)
Just continue your devotional practices in the present set up itself. Pray to Krishna to make your husband also as a devotee of Krishna. Also pray to Him to give you good atmosphere to undergo K.C practices. He will do the needful definitely in due course of time.
In any case, DO NOT STOP/ REDUCE CHANTING. Follow as much rounds of chanting possible as per my above advice. Do everything while being kind with your husband.
Hope you are clear about a devotee with Materialistic spouse – Tips to Manage devotional practices! Let Krishna gives you a suitable environment to practice devotion peacefully. Let us also pray for that.
All the best.
(How can a wife remain detached in a family life? READ HERE!)