Why should one be pure till marriage as most of the people are violating?
A male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“All of my friends are engaged in premarital relationships, all the people I see around me have been in atleast one premarital relationship.
Then why should I restrict myself till marriage?
What is the guarantee that the woman I will get in marriage, would be pure and wouldn’t have engaged in any premarital relationships.
I live in Bangalore, and I’m often chastised by friends for being orthodox.
I have also noticed that almost all women have been in atleast one relationship before marriage.
It is said that, people invite unwanted troubles into their life, by engaging in premarital relationships, but all of them seem happy.
Sir, so can you please tell me in detail:
(1) Why should one stay pure till marriage, without engaging in premarital relationships.
(2) What are the consequences one will face, for engaging in premarital relationships, in this life time, in hell, as well as in the afterlives.
(3) How to stay away from the thoughts of engaging in premarital relationships, since everyone nowadays are engaged in it. It seems normal and I think why don’t I do it as well, what is the harm?
(4) I have been chanting from one month, but even then I have lusty desires.
(5) What is the guarantee I will get a pure woman, if i save myself till marriage?
Thank you prabhuji.”
REPLY:
Very sensitive worries. If you keep these types of thoughts, you will never take any further steps in life.
See, the simple reply for your questions is: You can’t escape from the karma.
All the events happening in our life is controlled by our karma.
Until we live in this body, We are controlled by our previous karma.
(VIOLATIONS BETWEEN GIRLS AND BOYS – HOW TO AVOID IT? READ HERE!)
Getting a chaste wife is possible even now.
You can’t say that all the boys and girls are violating. Such views will hurt the hearts of the boys and girls who are following principles.
However, I agree that the violators are increasing.
Such violations happen openly nowadays. The fear to violate is coming down.
More violations are there, but not all are violating.
See, even our mothers, sisters, daughters, etc will also feel if you consider all the women like that.
In this kaliyuga, there will be more violators. We can say that about three fourth may be pretenders.
However, still one fourth will be those who lead a principled life.
When there is a chance, many will violate; However, some people will keep restraint.
Nowadays, there are more chances for interaction between the boys and girls. So, such violations are increasing.
Every boy and girl is in a situation to accept the better one among the available options.
(Can a devotee having past illicit violations get the mercy of Krishna? READ HERE!)
Now, your questions:
(1) Why should one stay pure till marriage, without engaging in premarital relationships?
Because, you are a human and you should not behave like dogs. A man is expected to follow the discipline throughout his life. Because, if we involve in premarital relations, we are violating with the future wife of another man. If you make her unchaste, you are making her impure. So, as a result, in your next birth, you will get an unchaste spouse. This cycle will continue birth after birth.
(2) What are the consequences one will face, for engaging in premarital relationships, in this life time, in hell, as well as in the afterlives?
In this lifetime, he may enjoy and escape from the punishments. But, if he continues this two chances are there: One, he will lose his reputation if one of the violated girl reports to the police with ulterior motives. If he violates with ten girls, all those ten girls may not go silently. One or two girls may have ulterior motive and tear your image in the society. Second, you will get serious punishments in the hells and also in the next birth by getting a violating spouse who will spoil your image in the society.
Read about the types of hells in THIS POST
(3) How to stay away from the thoughts of engaging in premarital relationships, since everyone nowadays are engaged in it. It seems normal and I think why don’t I do it as well, what is the harm?
(and)
(4) I have been chanting from one month, but even then I have lusty desires.
(Encouraging Tips for Chanting without Offenses! READ HERE!)
Others are depositing sins for getting the returns in their next birth(s). We are intelligent persons. So, we should not behave like others.
If we are aware of the real purpose of our life, ie, to get the mercy of Krishna and to prepare to go back to Krishna, we will not bother about these temporary attractions.
Of course escaping from these attractions is not easy. Only if we have strong conviction in the fact that Krishna is the most powerful attraction and it is eternal, then, we will not go for these temporary attractions that lasts for just a few minutes.
Your desires can’t be satisfied in material ways because they keep on inducing you to enjoy more and more. A stage will come in which you won’t be able to enjoy. Then, you will feel useless in life.
To avoid such disappointments, it is good to practice restrictions and discipline right from now.
By being disciplined, we can avoid disappointments in our old age.
You say that your lusty desires did not go after just one moth chanting. Chanting, if done from the heart sincerely, will help you to gain sufficient sense control.
Krishna is the master of senses. To achieve sense control, one should seriously surrender to Krishna and perform his duties just as duties without attachments.
(Can a devotee having past illicit violations get the mercy of Krishna? READ HERE!)
Chanting without taste will take long time to give results. So, come to the stage of chanting with taste.
(5) What is the guarantee I will get a pure woman, if I save myself till marriage?
If one is destined to get a violating spouse, it will happen. Had you lived a disciplined life and treated your wife with dignity in your previous birth, you will get a chaste wife in this birth. What you sow, you will reap.
Just find a girl from your known devotee circle from a good family background after checking her horoscope and matching with you.
Most of the people may have some kind of violations in the past lives before they got reformed.
So, we have to accept this fact.
If one is leading a disciplined and principled life, we have to accept him/ her.
No other way.
If you have the karma of getting married, marriage will be pushed on you. You can’t escape.
So, choose from the best available choices.
Hope you are clear about why one should be pure.
(If a devotee boy tells a girl to stay with him, Should she marry him? READ HERE!)