20 POWERFUL TIPS TO CONTROL THOUGHTS ON OPPOSITE GENDER AND GO CLOSER TO KRISHNA!
Actual questions from a devotee:
A male devotee who requested anonymity asked like this:
“harekrishna sir. i want to ask two questions. how to bring mind in control by thinking of shri krishna and how to overcome bad thoughts on girls? i always try to overcome both mind and lust but it is impossible to do so. plz tell me how could i b loving to shri krishna. i m unable to concentrate on my chanting n lord krishna coz of thiz two reasons. plz dnt show my name with this post. HARE KRISHNA”
You may read about the four regulative principles from the following pages in our site:
(1) No meat eating : You can read the post about this HERE.
(2) No intoxication : You can read the post about this HERE
(3) No gambling : You can read the post about this here: HERE
(4) No illicit Affairs : You can read the post about this HERE
Every person has hunger to eat, urge to urinate, desire to see beautiful things, etc. Similarly, every person has that feeling on opposite gender also. Only if a person has such thoughts, he is a normal person. Otherwise, he may have some problems.
So, it is the part and parcel of our body. But, the problem faced by many is that they fail to regulate such thoughts. If we allow the such toughts to act as it is, they will overpower all our other thoughts and activities and we will be thinking only about that. It is very powerful and additive like liquor or cigarette.
Mind control is really difficult and at the same time it is possible by sustained practice as said by Krishna in Bhagavad Gita.
Among all the desires, this desire is the topmost one that disturbs the people a lot.
Why such desires on opposite gender disturb the people much? Because, they allow the senses to get dominated by those thoughts. First, an object is seen by the senses. Then, his mind induces him to use that object. Bhuddhi reminds us of the ill effects of using that object. However, our false ego gives a wrong encouragement to him: “Use that object. Enjoy. Who will find it out?”
So, he starts to use that object. That object may be even a person. Thus, though our buddhi warns us that it is wrong, we involve in that. When we involve in those activities for some time, it becomes a habit and we start to do that habitually and casually.
That is why, such desires must be regulated even from adolescent period. If it becomes habitual, it will be difficult to control it.
I can suggest 20 TIPS that should be followed all at the same period of time:
(1) Always be engaged in any work. That work may be for earning or for Krishna. But, keep on doing some work all the time. If you remain idle beyond a permissible limit, your thoughts go all over this universe and bring all the stuff to enjoy. Idle mind is devils workshop. So, never be idle.
(2) Does this mean that, we should never take rest? Not so. Work hard and concentrate only in that work. If your work permits, you can chant Hare Krishna Maha Manthra silently while working. If your work needs the application of intelligence, that close involvement in work itself will prevent your mind from wandering all over and hence there will be no need for chanting while working. Usually, when we work hard, we will fully involve in it. So, work with full attention.
(3) While working, you may need some break or rest for your body. At that time, sit on a chair comfortably, and close your eyes and chant for a few minutes silently. Or, you may also take some bonafied literatures or writings about Krishna and read. You may spend your rest time like this in Krishna’s thoughts.
(4) You can also spend your free time by going to meet sincere devotees of Krishna. Spend time with them discussing about Krishna, His lilas and also their developments in Krishna Consciousness. Thus, you can remain in the vibrations of Krishna Consciousness.
(5) I have told what to do to avoid such unwanted thoughts while working and resting in between. What about sleep? Yes, that is also important. THE THESE THOUGHTS DISTURB A PERSON MOST ONLY WHEN THEY GO TO BED FOR SLEEPING. Before he starts to sleep, he is disturbed by such thoughts. That 10-15 minutes must be very important.
Therefore, immediately after going to bed, start reading some literatures like Srimad Bhagavatham (or ) Krishna’s history and lilas, some small books on Krishna, etc. When you read 2-3 pages, the sleep will embrace you automatically with no efforts. You may also chant just one or two rounds of Hare Krishna Maha manthra before going to bed and then start reading the literatures. This is the best way to avoid lusty thoughts in bed.
(6) These unwanted thoughts disturbs a person in the early morning TOO when they get up during the odd times from bed. A survey says that one fourth of such activities happen in the early morning and three fourth in the night time. Therefore, you should not delay getting up from bed after you wake up. If you wake up from bed, get up immediately and go to clean your teeth and take bath immediately. This will control your body from unwanted thoughts in the morning. After bath, start chanting your regular rounds immediately. Thus, your morning time will go spiritually and productively.
(7) Never spend time or talk to opposite gender UNNECESSARILY. Because, unnecessary talks may lead to personal queries and later you will find out her problems and then develop an attachment with her that leads to the next stage of having physical affairs. Therefore, never be alone with a person of opposite gender. Always be in the group of many devotees of same gender.
(8) Don’t be alone. Most of the crimes happen only when the persons are alone. Voluntarily call and discuss with any of your spiritual friend of same gender. Discuss with your parents and sisters and brothers. Mostly, such thoughts distur today’s youth more because, they do not spend more time with parents.
In my teen age, I never remained alone as there will always be atleast 4-5 people in our family all the time and we will be frankly discussing about all the past generations, or, some spiritual or moral stories. We used to eat together. We even slept in a row, ie, all our family members will sleep in the hall in a row. Before sleeping, we will discuss many stories, cut jokes, etc. And, we will start to sleep one by one even while discussing.
Therefore, we never had the remarkable disturbance of such thoughts in our teen age. It was the golden period that are missed by today’s youth. Our next generation youth start to sleep in a separate room even after they attain the age of 12-13. They also have a computer and / or mobile phone near their bed. Then, how can they avoid such thoughts? Therefore, if possible, try to sleep with all the family members. Discuss with all the family members cordially.
(9) This is my guarantee:
If you spend more time with your parents, brothers and sisters discussing cordially, you will not be disturbed by these unwanted thoughts. Because, these unwanted thoughts disturb a person only if he/ she is thinking of it always. If you engage yourself with other activities, you will forget it and your unwanted thoughts will always remain dormant.
(10) These unwanted thoughts will never disturb you if you chant 16 rounds daily FROM HEART and WITH FULL CONCENTRATION ON EVERY SYLLABI, read THE BONAFIDE BOOKS ON KRISHNA, remain in the association of same sex devotees, stop using onion, garlic, intoxicating agents like cigarettes, liquor, coffee, tea, and take only prasadam, ie, the food offered to Krishna.
Chant thinking of Krishna and His lilas atleast 16 rounds every day. If you spend 2 hours for chanting a day, it will protect you during the remaining 22 hours also.
(11) AVOID BAD MEDIA:
Avoid seeing the websites, CDs, books, magazines, love/ sex stories, T.V serials, movies, etc that promote or induce such unwanted activities. Come out of the groups in social media and What’sApp that add such inducingcontents. Those things can be learnt after marriage from spouse.
(12) AVOID INDUCING NEWSPAPERS:
If you need to know the happenings around the world that will help your business or job or studies, you may read good, decent and self-regulated Newspapers that avoid ‘inducing contents’ totally and present the news in a moderate manner without sense inducements (Till today). Many other newspapers intentionally offer contents that induce today’s youth to involve in sense gratifications. So, avoid them.
(13) IN ADDDITION TO CHANTING, SINCERELY FOLLOW THESE DEVOTIONAL PRACTICES ALSO:
(i) Atleast a partial fasting on ekadasis.
(ii) Regular worship of Lord Krishna atleast for five minutes.
(iii) Regular offering of food to Krishna and honouring the prasadam.
(iv) Getting the devotees association atleast once a week.
(v) Reading THE BONAFIDE LITERATURES about Krishna regularly.
(vi) Following four regulative principles – No meat, No gambling, No intoxicatin and no illicit affairs.
(vii) If you are ready with the above, accept a bonafide spiritual master.
(14) ONION & GARLIC:
When we take more onion/ garlic and food that was not offered to Krishna, we in fact eat sins. That thamo and rajo guna food makes our blood circulation fast and hence we get disturbed on seeing girls.
That is why, acharyas advise us to avoid onion/ garlic and a heavily spicy foods to keep the senses under control. This is the material effort.
(15) Excessive thoughts on opposite gender is the result of our excessive attachment with material things. To conquer the senses, we have to strongly catch the hands of the MASTER OF SENSES Krishna.
Surrender to Krishna means total surrender with decisive efforts. Not involving in both devotion and sense related activities.
(16) A devotee should see the women except his wife as their mothers and sisters. When we see women like this, how can unwanted thoughts disturb us?
(17) And, when we start to practice the devotional way of life, all the impurities will come out more and more similar to the excessive dust that will come out when we clean the house after a certain period. So, practice of devotion is like cleaning our senses and purifying them.
(18) AVOID MEDITATIONS, YOGA, ETC WITHOUT KRISHNA AS TARGET:
If you MEDITATE or CHANT thinking of some empty Soonya space, you can’t enhance your concentration. Because, every one of us will naturally have impuritiess in our consciousness. If you like to clear the impurity/ dust, you need a powerful cleaner. So, target Krishna who is such a powerful cleaner of material dusts. Give up such untargeted meditational practices. If you like to meditate, Chant Hare Krishna SINGLE MINDEDLY. This is the TARGETTED MEDITATION targeting the Supreme Personality of Godhead Himself.
Thus, Chanting Hare Krishna will definitely help you to clear your impurities and thereby purify your consciousness. When your consciousness is purified, you will not have any distortions in mind and hence you will be able to concentrate well in any of your works.
(19) MATERIAL WAY OF SENSE CONTROL IS IMPOSSIBLE:
You MAY BE unable to control your mind and senses through ARTIFICIAL MEANS. No one can control his/ her senses through artificial or material means. Because, if you MATERIALLY CONTROL YOUR SENSES, they will explode as a big offence one day. So, do not fight for controlling your senses materially. Instead, regulate your senses in a particular direction and involve all your senses in the service of Krishna. How? Read further:
(20) If after all these steps, you are still disturbed by unwanted thoughts on opposite gender, please tell your parents to look for a good girl/ boy, marry her/ him and involve in regulated relations within marriage. It is allowed by the scriptures. Anyone can marry if they have crossed 20 and disturbed by lust. However, the above steps will help you till you get married and even after marriage to control excessive desires.
But, you must be ready to make the children as Krishna conscious. You should not produce animal like children, but, you should give devotee children to Lord.
Before fixing the marriage, discuss with her/ him about the Krishna Conscious way of married life. That is, having Krishna as the prime member and perform all the services and sadhanas together with wife.
These tips will definitely help you to control the lusty thoughts and actions, if you follow them sincerely.