Should women wear Thali Sindhoor metti to show marital status?
A Girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare krishna prabhu ji! I am a girl who is studying in high school. I was watching a video lecture on significance of marriage according to the scriptures (not an ISKCON video) . The speaker said “a lot of people who support pda (public display of affection like holding hands, hugging etc between boys and girls) highly oppose the symbols of married women ( mangalsutra, sindoor, metti etc) by saying why should the woman show off that she is married? It is oppresive etc. The reason we do so is because our scriptures and guru says so. Why should we give a scientific explanation for everything?
Unfortunately, even in a country like India, such traditions are looked down as oppresive, conservative, old fashioned, it has no meankng and what not. People are giving their own interpretations. No one values these things anymore with love and respect. Even if we tell the girls that the scriptures says so, they will not be satisfied. They will find more ways to bash the age old traditions.
My question is why do the scriptures and guru advice married women to wear it? Is it so that her dignity and honour is protected? Looking forward to your reply. Kindly hide my name. Haribol”
REPLY:
See, the women are given high standard to be followed because they are the pillars of a family.
Women are expected to uphold Indian tradition.
Women alone are not given symbols to show as if she is married.
(Why the dress codes for women when the men walk half open publicly? READ HERE!)
Men too have such symbols.
A section of people are expected to wear Sacred thread around their waist.
The sacred thread has three strands.
A bachelor wears only one sacred thread with three strands;
A married man wears two Sacred threads containing six strands;
If the man has married and also has fathered a child, he wears three sacred threads that contains nine strands.
So, others can find whether a man is married and has children by seeing his Sacred thread itself.
Similarly, the women too wear thali Sindhoor Metti, etc.
See, Indian tradition believes that only a woman, ie, a wife can uphold the family tradition.
(Can women worship Shaligram Shila & deities at home? READ HERE!)
Because, the women have been given extra responsibilities for women like bearing and getting children.
So, the Indian culture did not fix tough religious practices for women because they should focus on their family duties and cultivation of children.
Only if the women are allowed to lead a peaceful and dedicated life, they will be able to raise the children properly.
Unless the children are raised properly, the whole generation will get corrupted.
Primarily, when the women wear thali Sindhoor metti, etc, other men will not wish to marry them and leave them free.
When she shows that she has been married by a man, she can put a full stop for the expectations of men to marry her.
This is good for a regulated society.
You may ask why such symbols are not made compulsory for all varnas, but only for a section of people?
The men are allowed to marry twice if he did not get a child or male child through his first wife for nine years after marriage as per the Manu samhita.
In those days, men died in war and hence more number of women was there. So, men were allowed to marry more than one girl.
(Do the Scriptures promote inequality among men and women? READ HERE!)
So, the symbols were made optional for men. Some sections of men also wore metti ring on their leg fingers.
However, it was made mandatory for women because women were given as dhaan to men. That is why, the generation is decided based on the hierarchy of male children.
The women were allowed to marry only once as per the Indian tradition.
So, during those days, it was necessary to show that the women is a married women.
Not only that, every knot in a thali binds the husband with his wife reminding a responsibility.
Seeing the thali, the husbands will always remember that protecting his wife is his duty as assured by him thru mantras at the time of marriage.
Wearing Thali Sindhoor Metti, etc protects the women from the disturbance of other males also.
All these aspects have been fixed with good intentions by our elders.
Nowadays, such tradition is getting diluted since whatever men do are done by the women too in the name of equal rights.
So, a girl and boy marry. After a few months or years, they divorce each other. Then, that wife marries some other man and the husband marries some other woman.
The sufferers are the children got by them.
(Why Arjuna blames only women, not men in Bhagavad Gita 1.40? READ HERE!)
The men and women are not ready to be regulated or controlled by any custom or system.
So, the boys and girls who like to lead a traditional life, started to avoid marriage because they find it difficult to find a like-minded bride or groom who also like to follow a traditional way of life.
During those days, the women wore those symbols happily and they had better life style than the present women.
Now, we have come to a stage of no security for the dignity of women in this society. Anyone can live in whatever way they want.
Because the courts have declared that it is not illegal to keep a secret companion even after marriage.
So, if you like to lead a traditional way of life and if your spouse too fortunately happens to prefer a traditional way of life, follow these customs like wearing Thali Sindhoor metti, etc.
Otherwise, Let the God bless you.
(Is friendship between Girl & Boy devotees allowed in devotional life? READ HERE!)