Is a devotee who had lusty thoughts in the past eligible to serve?
A Girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare krishna prabhuji. I am a female devotee pls hide my name. I used to properly practise devotional service to krishna and radha rani and also went to vrindavan dham. But these days everything is gone. I no longer feel the bhakti in my heart. I was watching YouTube the other day and saw a male devotee , I got lustful thoughts about them purposely and looked at them in a lustful way. Even though I knew it was wrong. This happened many times with many devotees. I don’t want to offend anyone though.
Please help me prabhuji I don’t know what to do as I don’t feel any devotion in my heart. I don’t want to leave the service , should I continue my service . I do not even know the devotees to ask for forgiveness. I am willing to take any punishment that Krishna gives me but I don’t want to leave seva. Pls help me prabhuji. Hare krishna”
REPLY:
Why not?
You are not a criminal.
You were just a victim of sense disturbances!
Many of the current devotees have some past violations. Even Valmiki who wrote Ramayana had a bad past as a robber.
(20 Tips to control if the Lusty thoughts affect the devotees of Krishna! READ HERE!)
If a robber can become eligible to write the life history of Lord Rama Himself, why can’t the ordinary devotee who had lusty thoughts in the past become eligible to serve the Lord and His devotees?
Senses are very powerful. Unless we engage them in the service of Krishna, they will drag us to serious violations of discipline that is expected from every devotee.
Though we engage our senses in the service of Krishna, unless our service is not done with full involvement, the senses will keep on dragging us towards violations.
That means, serving the Lord without involvement will not protect us from violations. In such cases, we will be serving and at the same time will be involving in violations.
This is very dangerous. Other devotees will be affected by such violating servants.
So, one should serve Krishna with full dedication. Then, his senses will not disturb him.
To escape from the disturbances of senses, one should FULLY engage them in ANY PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITY.
For example, if you ask a popular scientist or researcher, he will say that he has no time to even think of women or marriage.
(If Sex is only for getting child for devotees, why should he marry? READ HERE!)
A reporter asked Dr.APJ Abdul Kalam why he did not marry.
Kalam replied that he had no time because he used to return from duty at 4AM and again go to work at 9AM.
So, he was very busy and hence he had no time to think of marriage.
That engagement should be productive like Kalam did or spiritual engagement like we do.
Whether it is a productive material engagement or spiritual engagement, it should be done with full involvement. This is very important.
To have full involvement in any productive assignment, we should not focus on unproductive activities while working on productive assignment.
Srila Prabhupada would translate the scriptures till early morning. In the day time, he would do preaching services and congregational development services, etc.
(Is an initiated devotee taking Potency treatment allowed? READ HERE!)
So, he was fully in the thoughts of Krishna.
He is the best example for serving with full dedication.
For example, I am unable to think of any other thing except the service to Krishna, His devotees and value added services I am providing to the devotees that engage me for 16 hours a day. Then, my sadhanas, reading, little sleep, etc.
I myself feel that engaging seriously in productive works and spiritual services will make us busy and we will not be able to think of unproductive things.
That is what I am advising you.
In your case, you have desire to serve. That is good.
But desire alone is not sufficient. You should stop focusing on unwanted thoughts and works and should fully engage yourself in serving Krishna in any manner suitable and comfortable for you.
Use any skill or talents you have to serve Krishna.
(HOW TO DIVERT THE MIND AND SENSES INTO KRISHNA’s SERVICE? READ HERE!)
Then, think of earning activities to take care of your living needs.
Whatever you do, do with full involvement. Be aware that careless involvement will make us oscillate between sense disturbances and services.
So, engage your senses in the service of Krishna most of the time. Also focus in your own maintenance activities.
This will make you busy in serving the Lord and in protecting yourself to serve the Lord.
Day by day, your senses will start to calm down.
When you engage in the higher thoughts and actions, lower thoughts and actions will gradually go.
So, the conclusion is: A devotee who had lusty thoughts in the past is definitely eligible to serve if he follows purity in thoughts and actions hereafter.
Try and tell. Hare Krishna.
(Why should one be pure till marriage as most of the people are violating? READ HERE!)