If the wife agrees to husband’s Sex needs helplessly, will she fall?
A Woman devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna. I have a question. Please help me. And please make my name anonymous.
Just a quick background. I am a devotee of Lord Krishna since I was a little child. I quit meat eating when I was about 7-8 years old. This year in January 2025, I even quit pastries and other food items that contain eggs, such as cookies, cakes, bread, chocolates, etc. I also want to add that I am from the US. So some food items such as chocolate, pastries and breads contains eggs. Most are made with eggs so I have stopped eating since January 2025.
I am really serious about my spiritual journey. My husband on the other hand is materialistic. He is thinking about the present. I told him I am serious about my spiritual journey and want to avoid s*x life but my husband wants to experience s*x and get enjoyment from it. I told him that I am serious about my spiritual journey and Krishna consciousness. I even told him that s*x enjoyment is forbidden for Krishna Consciousness and is written that it is forbidden in the Bhagwad Gita and that s*x should only be for producing children and making them Krishna Consciousness. But my husband is materialistic and wants to enjoy s*x and get enjoyment from that. Please help what I should do.
On the other hand I am serious about my spiritual journey and Krishna Consciousness. I think even agreeing to make my husband happy and having s*x is a sin in itself. Also, if I have s*x enjoyment for the sake of my husband, will it affect my Krishna Consciousness journey? I understand it may affect me mentally. But will it create any disturbances in my spiritual path? Will I have to restart from the beginning and will Lord Krishna be upset at me? I told my husband I also want him to quit eating meat and we should walk on the spiritual path together. But he wants to enjoy s*x life first and then get into the spiritual journey. I just worry that it will affect my spiritual journey. I will take care of how it affects me mentally. I am strong minded so nothing can stop me from being Krishna Consciousness. I just fear that it will create disruptions in my Krishna Consciousness journey and I will be left behind just because of pleasing my husband for s*x enjoyment.
Please help. I am in a tough situation. How can I please my husband as well as remain strong minded in Krishna Consciousness journey? Thank you. Hare Krishna.”
REPLY:
You need not fall down or need not go to hell or need not start from the beginning.
I agree that having S…x if you don’t have interest in it will be a difficult experience.
But, it is the seva for your husband.
You should have married a devotee boy. But it did not happen.
(What if a devotee husband or wife needs more sense gratification? READ HERE!)
Sometimes it happens because both the husband and wife might be materialistic persons during marriage. On a later period, the wife or husband would have advanced in devotion to some extent because of the association and efforts, but another would not have come to the path of Krishna Consciousness.
This inequality in the status of both the husband and wife will cause some issues in their day to day life.
The husband may prefer Onion Samosa; The wife may run away hearing the name Onion. But she will be unable to refuse to cook for her husband. If she does so, there may be break between them in due course of time.
So, the wife is advised not to take onion, but prepare onion samosa for her husband alone.
Let her offer a separately prepared food to Krishna without onion and garlic.
That’s all she can do.
(My family members do not support me avoiding onion and garlic. How to manage? READ HERE!)
Of course some violations may happen in the kitchen while preparing two dishes for Krishna and for her husband. Krishna is the best understanding person and hence He will understand her difficulties.
Since changing the husbands is not good for traditional women, she is expected to live with her non devotee husband because he is not a devotee, but he is not a torturing husband as well. His only weakness is taking any food available to satisfy his tongue.
He can be gradually corrected if the wife serves him delicious prasadam dishes daily.
So, she need not divorce him and marry another one.
Srila Prabhupada too insists the women to live with their husbands. He did not advice even his sister to divorce her husband when he was behaving like an irresponsible guy. Since his sister remained patient praying to Krishna, one day her husband came and seek her pardon for all his acts so far.
So, time will change everything. Patience is needed for the devotees.
In your case, you have restricted s…x but your husband has not.
Food can be cooked separately, but where can he go if he is denied s…x?
Srila Prabhupada says like this in his Letter to: Gargamuni, Calcutta, 13 November, 1967:
“My Dear Gargamuni,
Please accept my blessings! I am in due receipt of your letter dated Nov. 8, 1967. You have written to say that your wife and you have a problem on which you require my help. The whole world, beginning with the highest planet to the lowest in this material world is facing this problem. Combination of husband and wife is a necessary satisfaction of the sex urge. The foolish people see everyday this problematic situation, still they are not intelligent enough to avoid it. Training of brahmacari life is especially meant for this purpose, and a student is advised not to indulge in sex life just to avoid these problems. It is very difficult to satisfy a woman by a person who has no good income, neither very good health. The woman as a class wants sufficient means to eat, and decorate and at the same time full satisfaction of sex. Any husband who cannot satisfy his wife by these three items, namely sufficient food, sufficient dress and ornament, and sufficient satisfaction of sex, must meet all these problems. And as soon as one becomes engaged in solving these problems it is very difficult to make any progress in Krishna Consciousness.
If one is serious to make any success in the matter of Krishna Consciousness, one should avoid the association of woman as far as possible. Married life is a sort of license to the incapable man who cannot avoid sex life. On this statement, you can understand your real position. I do not agree with your wife’s statement that New York is unfit for human habitation. A real Krishna Conscious person can adjust things nicely even in hell. A fully Krishna Conscious person is always in transcendental position and he is not afraid of any place which is so called, unfit for human habitation. A Krishna Conscious person is always satisfied whether in Vaikuntha or in hell. His satisfaction is not the particular place but his sincere service attitude towards Krishna. I have no objections if your wife and you go to San Francisco and live there peacefully as man and wife concentrating your attention for Krishna Consciousness. Hope you are well
Your ever well-wisher
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami”
Unless there is a satisfaction in fulfilling the needs of either husband or wife, there will be issues in the married life.
However, one can’t easily throw the husband or wife like throwing an object. Brilliant adjustments are necessary to run thye married life without such issues.
In your case, he is a good husband but not a serious devotee and he needs s…x from his wife. He did not ask any other women. So, he is a good materialistic husband. That’s all.
Stri dharma is more important than any other dharma for wives. Similarly, Pati dharma is more important than any other dharma for husbands.
That means, if the husband needs s..x, the wife can give to him and she will not incur any negative karma by obeying her husband’s needs.
While giving him what he expected, she should keep on speaking to him about the greatness of being a devotee following the regulations.
She need not enjoy, but just obey her husband’s needs.
However, you can get 2-3 children by obeying him and make them good devotees.
After a certain age, he will start to reduce his compulsion to have s…x.
Meantime, take him to ISKCON temples along with you. Let him come with you and gradually gain interest.
In these following posts, I have boldly explained how to make a non devotee husband a devotee by following some bold steps AND also for wife. Read them and get tips to manage the situation.
(How to make a non devotee husband and ‘would be’ as devotee? Powerful Tricks! READ HERE!)
(Making the materialistic wife a devotee of Krishna! 10 Practical Tips! READ HERE!)
So, involve in some increased matings; Get children; Take your husband to the temple with you; Give him the small books of Srila Prabhupada and then Bhagavad Gita; Give him delicious prasadam.
In due course of time, your husband will become a nice devotee.
I have seen such husbands in many cases.
He is a good guy. Can be corrected gradually.
Don’t lose hope. Follow what I advised in this Post and the above link also.
(22 Tips to avoid differences if your husband is not interested in devotion! READ HERE!)