What to do if my devotee Husband marries another girl for physical needs?

What to do if my devotee Husband marries another girl for physical needs?

A girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:

“Hare Krishna prabhuji, dandvat Pranam  I am  sorry  to  ask you  all about  this, but  I  find no other  way.

I have  been  married  since …………with  a person  with  who was very  sincere devotee at that time,  Strictly  following  all rules  n all vaishnava etiquettes. very simple and  honest  person. n he  used to  care for  me n love a lot.  But since last few days he is saying  that  I  want  to  marry  some  other  girl, I  don’t  like  you. I have  been never attracted to  you sexually n you  have never  satisfied  me n you  can  never in future. We are  sexually incompatible. He desperately  want  to  marry  again with  another  girl. This  has started when He has gone  to iskcon  trip n he  got  attracted strongly to one girl. he justify  his  second  marriage  as he wants to do bhakti  in life  n for  that  he needs to have  sexual stability n he says I  can  never  give  it to him coz he doesn’t  like me. But  he is  telling  me all  this after 4 years of marriage n in  all this  year’s he has  been  very  nice person n ideal  husband.  I was shocked  when  he  said  he liked another girl   n want to  leave me n marry  second  time. How  to remove  all  negativity  in his  mind  about  me? N this  second  marriage  thoughts? his  second  marriage  thoughts very  difficult  to  remove  from  his mind.  He gives  reason  of bhakti  so I have  nothing to  say. N he  doesn’t  feel  that  this  is  wrong. Please  show  me  path.

He is  mad behind  that girl  since last one month. Has forgot everything. He has  proposed  her for marriage. She  denied. But  still  he  is mad  for  her.  N he  doesn’t  find  it  wrong. He  says  in shashtra it is  given  male can  marry two  girls n you  don’t  understand  my  feelings. I  am  doing  all this  for  my spiritual  progress.

Hare Krishna. Dandvat Pranam. Thank you so much  prji.  Please  hide my name.”

REPLY:

As I have been warning in our media, our initiated and other devotees should follow the diksha  rules honestly or else they should not take initiation (OR) they should not show themselves as serious devotees outside.

If you wear Vaishnava symbols, behave like a vaishnava.  The devotees trust you blindly seeing your vaishnava symbols and presence in the vaishnava community.

If you behave like a low grade person after coming to the devotional way of life,  it is a great offense against those devotees and authorities who trust you seeing your appearance.

(Can a girl divorce the drinker & torturing husband after aborting the baby? READ HERE!)

In my three decades of service (as in March 2021) in this devotee community, I have seen variety of devotees. That is why, I started this media to guide the devotees in these matters.

Let me come to your matter.

What you described about his qualities does not seem to be perfect because  he is riding on two horses at the same time.

You say that he is following vaishnava etiquettes, very simple and  honest  person.  Is marrying another girl for sex a Vaishnava quality?

As per the vaishnava practices, both the husband and wife should gradually reduce sexual activities for pleasures and become more devotes to Krishna.  Even after four years after marriage, he needs sex from another girl.

Does he expect sexual stability by involving in sex frequently with the new girl?  It is not the vaishnava quality.

(How a wife can be divorced for illicit affairs, since divorce is not allowed by scriptures? READ HERE!)

A Vaishnava should select an auspicious day for mating and mate after chanting the recommended rounds of Harinam, that too for the sake of getting a child and making him/ her another devotee.

In case, he is disturbed more with the sense disturbances, this may be relaxed to some extent. As advised by SrilaPrabhupada, if the target is getting the devotee children, the couples may involve in sex even for 100 times.  But, the target should be – getting devotee children.

If he needs sexual stability, he needs to advance in Krishna Consciousness.  There are a set of recommended sadhanas and guidelines to advance in Krishna Consciousness.  Once it is achieved, the sexual desires should automatically come down.

If a devotee is doing all the recommended sadhanas and worships, but, he is still addicted to sex, that means, there are some deficiencies in his sadhanas and dedication to Krishna.  He may be performing sadhanas without a taste ritualistically.

The rituals recommended by the scriptures and acharyas should be performed with a taste and involvement.  Otherwise, they will be just rituals without any desired effects.  Of course, that to may offer some results, but, it will take a very long period.

(Will Krishna reform abusing husbands if the wife likes to avoid divorce? READ HERE!)

For example, some devotees will be chanting while checking phone  messages or reading the newspapers.  How can he expect changes in his consciousness?

While chanting, we ‘must’ think of Krishna, His lilas and His advices with love and excitement. We should consider that we are calling Krishna while chanting.  Otherwise, it is just a filler of time and changes will take very long period to take effect.

Therefore, your husband may be just ritualistic and is not ready to give up sexual pleasures.  What is he going to find new that is not available in you, in another girl?  I do not know.  Like an elephant throws mud on its own body immediately after bathing, he too is adding another nasty relation after leading the grahastha life for four years.

Do anyone of the following:

(i) You may request the temple authority to discuss with him and stop him from adding another burden in his life.

(ii) He can not marry her if you do not give divorce.  He must give a valid reason for divorce.  If there is no such valid reason, he needs to live with you.

(Should a wife serve a non devotee husband also? READ HERE!)

(iii) Let the temple authority (Manager/ president) explains him these points. If you feel that the temple president is not close and influential to him, find out which devotee is influential on him and seek his help.

(iv) Also inform this to the parents of your husband.  Let them too advise him.  If possible, talk to that girl and explain the ‘real purpose’ of your husband in marrying her.

(v) Since she has not okayed his proposal, your meeting may give a desired result and she may totally avoid him.  Then, he has to come to you only.

(vi) When he comes, support him in all his needs including sex.  A wife does not add any karma by giving sex to husband if he insists.  It is his karma to have excessive sex.

(Devotee husband is torturing me having immoral friendships. What to do? READ HERE!)

(vii) In case he is adamant even after these efforts,  let him act as desired by him.  You do not need such an adamant husband.  Let him go and face the consequences with another girl.  You get relieved that you have escaped from an unstable guy. Apply for divorce stating his immorality. The court will accept this reason readily.  As per the scriptures, your husband can remarry only if he does not have a child for more than 10 years thru you.  So, you too can proceed against him as he marries without your consent.

What else you can do?

Some times partings also can do good for us if all the efforts for union fails.  Karma is so powerful that it will impose the reactions on us.

This must be seen as your purification.  He may come to you again one day.  Wait till that.

Hope you are clear now about what to do if your devotee Husband marries another girl for physical needs.

(Will Krishna reform abusing husbands if the wife likes to avoid divorce? READ HERE!)

Author: RAJAN

RAJAN from Tamil Nadu, India, a Life Patron and an Initiated Devotee being in ISKCON for nearly three decades, serves anonymously to avoid Prominence and crowd as an insignificant, Humble and Neutral Servant for all the devotees of Krishna! He promotes Social media forums and this blog-website as e-satsangha (e-forums) blessed with Lakhs of followers, to give Spiritual Solutions for all the Material Problems of the devotees since 2011! He writes friendly and practical tips to practice devotion (i) without hurting the followers of other paths, (ii) without affecting the personal and career life, and (iii) without the blind, superstitious and ritualistic approach! He dedicates all the glories and credits to his Guru and Krishna.

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