Is a Husband marrying another girl for physical needs allowed?
A girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna prabhuji, dandvat Pranam I am sorry to ask you all about this, but I find no other way.
I have been married since …………with a person with who was very sincere devotee at that time, Strictly following all rules n all vaishnava etiquettes. very simple and honest person. n he used to care for me n love a lot. But since last few days he is saying that I want to marry some other girl, I don’t like you. I have been never attracted to you sexually n you have never satisfied me n you can never in future. We are sexually incompatible. He desperately want to marry again with another girl. This has started when He has gone to iskcon trip n he got attracted strongly to one girl. he justify his second marriage as he wants to do bhakti in life n for that he needs to have sexual stability n he says I can never give it to him coz he doesn’t like me. But he is telling me all this after 4 years of marriage n in all this year’s he has been very nice person n ideal husband. I was shocked when he said he liked another girl n want to leave me n marry second time. How to remove all negativity in his mind about me? N this second marriage thoughts? his second marriage thoughts very difficult to remove from his mind. He gives reason of bhakti so I have nothing to say. N he doesn’t feel that this is wrong. Please show me path.
He is mad behind that girl since last one month. Has forgot everything. He has proposed her for marriage. She denied. But still he is mad for her. N he doesn’t find it wrong. He says in shashtra it is given male can marry two girls n you don’t understand my feelings. I am doing all this for my spiritual progress.
Hare Krishna. Dandvat Pranam. Thank you so much prji. Please hide my name.”
REPLY:
As I have been warning in our media, our initiated and other devotees should follow the diksha rules honestly or else they should not take initiation (OR) they should not show themselves as serious devotees outside.
If you wear Vaishnava symbols, behave like a vaishnava. The devotees trust you blindly seeing your vaishnava symbols and showing as part of the vaishnava community.
If you behave like a low grade person after coming to the devotional way of life, it is a great offense against those devotees and authorities who trusted you seeing your appearance.
(Can a girl divorce the drinker & torturing husband after aborting the baby? READ HERE!)
In my decades of service in this devotee community, I have seen variety of devotees. That is why, I started this media to guide the devotees in these matters.
Let me come to your matter.
What you described about his qualities does not seem to be perfect because he is riding on two horses at the same time.
You say that he is following Vaishnava etiquettes, very simple and honest person. Is marrying another girl for pleasures a Vaishnava quality? Isn’t a Husband marrying another girl for physical needs a violation of Vaishnava etiquettes related to marriage?
As per the Vaishnava practices, both the husband and wife should gradually reduce such activities for pleasures and become more devoted to Krishna. Even after four years after marriage, he needs pleasures from another girl.
Does he expect sexual stability by involving in temporary, short term pleasures frequently with the new girl? It is not the Vaishnava quality. And, such satisfaction is not possible also.
(How a wife can be divorced for illicit affairs, since divorce is not allowed by scriptures? READ HERE!)
A Vaishnava should select an auspicious day for mating and mate after chanting the recommended rounds of Harinam, that too for the sake of getting a child and making him/ her another devotee.
In case, he is disturbed more with the sense disturbances, this may be relaxed to some extent. As advised by Srila Prabhupada, if the target is getting the children and making them devotees, the couples may involve in mating even for 100 times. But, the target should be – getting devotee children.
But it should be followed with the existing wife. A Husband marrying another girl for more and more physical needs is not allowed as per the scriptures.
If he needs sexual stability, he needs to advance in Krishna Consciousness. There are a set of recommended sadhanas and guidelines to advance in Krishna Consciousness. If they are sincerely followed, the sexual desires should automatically come down.
If a devotee is performing all the recommended sadhanas and worships, but, he is still addicted to sex, that means, there are some deficiencies in his sadhanas and his dedication to Krishna. He may be performing sadhanas ritualistically, without a taste.
The rituals recommended by the scriptures and the acharyas should be performed with a taste and involvement. Otherwise, they will be just rituals without any desired effects. Of course, that too may offer some results, but, it will take a very long period.
(Will Krishna reform abusing husbands if the wife likes to avoid divorce? READ HERE!)
For example, some devotees will be chanting while checking phone messages or reading the newspapers. How can he expect changes in his consciousness?
While chanting, we ‘must’ think of Krishna, His lilas and His preachings with love and excitement. We should consider that we are calling Krishna while chanting. Otherwise, it is just a filler of time and changes will take very long period to take effect.
Therefore, your husband may be just ritualistic and is not ready to give up pleasures. What is he going to find new in another girl that is not available in you? I do not know. Like an elephant throws mud on its own body immediately after bathing, he too is adding another girl for nasty activities after leading the grahastha life for four years.
A devotee should aim to control senses by practising devotional way of life. He should not aim to control the senses by supplying whatever the senses need.
Do anyone of the following:
(i) You may request the temple authority to discuss with him and stop him from adding another relationship in his life.
(ii) He can not marry her if you do not give divorce. He must give a valid reason for divorce. If there is no such valid reason, he needs to live with you.
(Should a wife serve a non devotee husband also? READ HERE!)
(iii) Let the temple authority (Manager/ president) explains him these points. If you feel that the temple president is not close and influential to him, find out which devotee is influential on him and seek his help.
(iv) Also inform this to the parents of your husband. Let them too advise him. If possible, talk to that girl and explain the ‘real purpose’ of your husband in marrying her.
(v) Since she has not okayed his proposal, your meeting may give a desired result and she may totally avoid him. Then, he has to come to you only.
(vi) When he comes, support him in all his needs including sex. A wife does not add any karma by giving sex to husband if he insists. It is his karma to have excessive sex.
(Devotee husband is torturing me having immoral friendships. What to do? READ HERE!)
(vii) In case he is adamant even after these efforts, let him act as desired by him. You do not need such an adamant husband. Let him go and face the consequences with another girl. You get relieved that you have escaped from an unstable guy. Apply for divorce stating his immorality. The court will accept this reason readily.
As per the scriptures, your husband can remarry only if he does not have a child for more than 10 years thru you. A Husband marrying another girl for having more pleasures is the violation of the regulative principles.
So, you too can proceed against him as he marries without your consent.
What else you can do?
Some times partings also can do good for us if all the efforts for union fails. Karma is so powerful that it will impose the reactions on us.
This must be seen as your purification. He may come to you again one day. Wait till that.
Hope you are clear now about what to do if your devotee Husband marries another girl for physical needs.
(Will Krishna reform abusing husbands if the wife likes to avoid divorce? READ HERE!)