Avoiding & Repenting for violations with women after initiation (diksha)!
Question in detail:
An initiated male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
Hare krishna prabhuji, I am ……….. yrs old male and have taken harinama diksha year ………….. I am very seriously following 4 principles and chanting 16 rounds daily. But I had very bad history.. I had 4-5 extramartial affairs before following Krishna consciousness. I have left all my bad habits after joining this movement. Everything was going well till March …….. One girl in my office trying to come close to me and I have applied all my resistance to keep her away from me.. but unfortunately in March this year I lost my control and had physical relation. Since that day I totally shattered internally and feeling guilty, nervousness. Whenever I remembered my mistake, my eyes filled with water as I didn’t keep promise made to my gurudeva. Now I stopped talking to that girl and clearly told that I’ll have relation only with my wife. But, wrong things has happened and I am feeling totally ashamed. I didn’t touch the feet of my gurudeva in this vyaspuja cause I considering myself as very very sinful person. I have heard that due to mistake of disciple, his gurudeva health affected. I am so sinful person that because of my mistake my gurudeva will also suffer. I am telling you this cause I kept this things in minds many days and want to tell someone. You are 1st person to I am sharing this. Everyday I asked Krishna to forgive me and no harm should occurred to my gurudeva. I promised Krishna that it will not happen again and I’ll follow KC very seriously. Previously I used to eat onion n garlic outside as sometimes I went out of town due to office work. In home, my family have proper Krishna prasadam only. After this incident I changed totally and following KC seriously. I am always thinking about my crime and that make me disturbed.. Prabhuji please help me if any way to come out from this.
This is definitely a violation for an initiated devotee. No doubt.
But, you can repent for that. Don’t worry.
Yes, if an initiated devotee commits immorality, his/ her guru will get affected. Because your guru has taken the responsibility of preparing you to go back to Krishna. Though Repenting for violations with women is an option, we should aim for our 100% purity.
(HOW TO INCREASE OUR FAITH IN OUR GURU? READ HERE!)
This is not an ordinary responsibility.
This is the big difficulty in being a guru.
Many think that the guru is leading a life comfortably with plenty of disciples.
But, the fact is that more disciples, more responsibilities and more pains for that guru because of the accumulation of their karma.
A guru suspends the karma of disciples until that disciple follows all the vows made to him.
Suspension means, he bears the karma of the disciples on their behalf.
(How Can a disciple reduce his guru’s Karma? Wonderful Tips! READ HERE!)
That is why, while taking initiation/ diksha, a disciple should resolve to dedicate his life to work for Krishna and maintaining physical as well as mental purity.
By being pure, we can avoid or atleast minimize the sufferings to our guru.
Still, they accept the disciples because they have merciful heart. That’s all.
Some gurus are facing severe physical problems because of the heat of the karma of disciples.
The guru – disciple relationship is a subtle “give and take” relationship.
You will give purity and surrender to your guru.
Your guru will give Krishna to you.
Therefore, a disciple should be very careful in following the vows taken while taking initiation from his guru, instead of repenting for violations with women.
(INITIATION (DIKSHA) VOWS & CHALLENGES IN FOLLOWING THEM! READ HERE!)
LIMIT FOR MINGLING WITH THE PERSONS OF OPPOSITE GENDER
This is very important aspect a disciple should follow.
A disciple may have to study, work and earn for his living. In his college/ work-spot, he may have to face the women. This can’t be avoided.
But, how we deal with the women can be controlled by us.
When we see a girl/ woman, we should see her eyes and speak. Anatomical analysis of the opponent is dangerous. Some may be very beautiful. Some may speak very attractively. Even the calm nature of some women may attract us.
Thus, there are definite chances for attraction between a man and woman.
The entire world is populated only because of this ‘male–female ‘attraction.
(QUALIFICATIONS TO BE A GURU AND A DISICPLE – FROM THE SCRIPTURES! READ HERE!)
Therefore, a man or woman should be very careful while mingling with the person of opposite gender.
I have seen during my college days some girls would go the boys (and vice versa) and ask subject doubts. The class had almost equal number of boys and girls. There were many brilliant girls and boys. If a girl wants to clear doubts, she can consult her fellow girl student and a boy can consult his fellow boy student. But, the girls would go to the boys and vice versa to discuss subject doubts.
Why this happens?
Because of natural preference as fixed by maya.
(Why Krishna made maya strong to make us conditioned? READ HERE!)
I have also found some of those girls and boys fell in love and a few involved even in immoralities.
They started as subject discussion. But, they discussed other mundane things also. Hence the fall down.
That is why, a male and female in institution or office should discuss only about the academic or official things that are necessary to manage their studies or work.
If they go beyond this Lakshman Rekha, other things can happen. There will commit and then go for Repenting for violations with women.
(How do the boys and Girls fall to each other? READ HERE!)
In your case, that girl could make you fall in her hands only because you allowed her to speak excessively. Had you stopped just with official matters, this could not have happened.
In many cases, even the males stand as the cause for the females to develop attraction on him. The males speak with very caring words to the women and console for their personal issues. This gives a wrong impression in the minds of some women. They feel a consolation in your discussion and hence starts to expect you further.
These things can be avoided if you just discuss only the official matters with the fellow women employees. If any woman staff tries to share her family issues, gently advise her to discuss with her fellow women staff.
Be more with the male staff. Or, if you get a free time, read the books on Krishna or chant Lord’s names. Thus, you can engage your mind only in Krishna that will prevent involving in mundane acts. Instead of Repenting for violations with women, we should try to avoid the violations.
HOW TO COME OUT OF GUILT OF PREMARITAL VIOLATIONS?
Since you are an initiated devotee, you can take two steps:
(1) If you have boldness, get an appointment with your guru for a private meeting. Meet him and frankly submit to him that you accidentally committed such a violation that is paining you. He will definitely understand you because he has faced many such submissions form his disciples. Assure him that you are now following the vows sincerely and will do the same in future. Beg for his Pardon. He will definitely forgive you appreciating your open submission. Once he forgives you, you can become relieved. Because, he is the authority for you. This is the best Repenting for violations with women.
(Should I tell about my premarital violations to my guru before taking diksha? READ HERE!)
(2) If you do not have boldness to talk to your guru about this, speak to the deities in the temples and assure Krishna that you will not involve in such acts in future and beg Him to forgive you. You should pray from heart with tears. Beg Krishna not to allow the health of your guru to be affected. This too will help you to come out of your guilt. Chant atleast 16 extra rounds for this purpose alone.
Then, start to lead your spiritual life along with your job and family.
Until you are following your promises to your guru/ Krishna, you will be forgiven. If you violate again, I think, you will make your guru suffer further.
Pray directly to your guru, or, pray to Krishna for your guru. The first one is highly recommended if possible. Otherwise, follow the second process.
Be relieved. You have the good heart to accept your faults. Krishna will forgive such submissive persons.
No need for any doubts in this.
Hope these tips for Repenting for violations with women are very useful.
(Scientific reasons for honouring Gurus, Vaishnavas and Cows though they are humans and animals respectively! READ HERE!)