Can the devotees of different castes marry if they follow all devotional rules?
Two Questions from two devotees:
(1) A male devotee (Name hidden) asked:
Hare Krishna prabhuji , PAMHO. I think this very important question I’m asking now, please answer I’m trying to become a devotee and I’m doing 16 rounds daily and taking only krishna prasadam. Prabhuji, actually I like a devotee girl from past 3yrs (when she was not a devotee but she also doing 16 rounds and taking krishna prasadam) and we decided to marry to serve krishna together. But our parents will never allow us to marry as we both are from different caste. Neither my parents nor her parents ever allow us.(I can say it is impossible.) But we want to serve krishna together and follow devotional life. We also don’t want to make our parents unhappy and we want to serve our parents. What should we do. If we marry without permission of parents than we will never be happy and also it will ruin the image of a devotee (although I’m not a devotee but everyone thinks I’m a devotee). Please prabhuji help us and enlighten us through vedic knowledge so that we can progress in devotional life. Thank you prabhuji. Your servant
A female devotee who requested anonymity asked like this:
“Dear Sir, Can you please tell me that being a Brahmin gal can i marry a SC guy? Is it something wrong or do i hurt kanha by this? Please help me.”
No varna/ community is inferior because all are the children of God. And, no one can stop if a person wants to marry a boy / girl of any other varna. It is his/her free will.
Here, I am giving just the social order and reasons behind it.
Why the parents prefer the bride or groom from the same varna or community?
Actually, every varna has a different life style since their childhood and that will dominate in their nature. This character is maintained till the end of life usually because the character acquired by birth and through circumstances in which one grows can’t be changed completely.
So, if a girl and boy of different varnas marry, they may find it difficult to adjust between each other as their preferences in life will be different.
For example, a Brahmana will eat only after taking bath as a strict rule. A labourer may take bath after working under the sun.
A Brahmana may wake up before 5 AM. But, other varnas may find it difficult since it might not have been insisted for them in their past life by their parents.
The son of a Kshatriya may be aggressive in his approach. A person of another varna may be more satvic.
So, it was followed by the people to marry within the same varna to avoid their priorities in life to be different.
Ok, then, is there any other way for them to marry?
As said above, marrying within the same varna is to get the person having same preferences. Nothing else.
So, if both a girl and boy TRULY have the same preferences in their life, they can marry though they belong to different communities.
And, in the horoscopes of some persons, it would have been indicated that he/ she will marry out of his/ her community. Such persons will marry from other communities only.
In the case of devotees of Krishna, if the girl and boy are the casual followers of devotion as another duty every day, they would not have come out of the nature they acquired from the customs of their communities. So, they may face some difficulties in managing their day to day life.
However, there is a chance if you like to marry a person of another varna. Both of you involve SERIOUSLY in Krishna Consciousness and become vaishnavas. Then, the objective of life for both of you MUST BE THE SAME, ie, KRISHNA.
If both of you are serious in having Krishna as the only target of your life, then, this difference in your priorities may not arise.
So, those who are SERIOUSLY following Krishna Consciousness can marry each other irrespective of their community.
This MAY or MAY NOT apply for starting level neophite devotees that depends on their maturity in following Krishna Consciousness. This advice is only for matured devotees.
Now, evaluate both of you sincerely. If both of you have the same sincerity in following devotion having Krishna as a single target, both of you can marry each other.
If not, first try to become a matured devotee of Lord and then marry.
There is a type of marriage Gandharva marriage. This does not come under any rule. So, it is also an approved form of marriage that exists since thousands of years. So, love marriage or Gandharva marriage is not wrong.
But, to avoid the issues related to the preferences in life for both of you, I have advised above to come to the same target in life and then marry.
Talk to your parents through some influential relatives and convince them. It is always better to marry with the blessings of parents because they have developed you properly so far.
In case, you are unable to convince your parents, I always advise to try to convince them repeatedly. Your sustained efforts may offer fruits.
If all your efforts fail, you sacrifice for your parents and marry as they wish. I always avoid expecting others to sacrifice. Instead, I sacrifice my own choices for the elders. This is humbleness. Lord Rama is the best example for sacrificing His own choices for elders. In fact, He had not set any choices or expectations and acted as adviced by the elders.
Pray to Krishna for making your marriage possible assuring Him that both of you will serve Krishna together. He will help you.
All the best.