How to follow Krishna Consciousness in an irresponsible family?
Actual Question from a woman devotee: (She has written all her problems):
“Hare krishna prabhuji, I have this question stuck in my mind like a stone stuck in throat.. To my understanding this is obviously not good behavior of human, but want to know from higher authorities.
How do we call in-laws who portray these behavior:
– day and night they literally sit, eat and work in dark room, they don’t believe in lighting lights. Does when someone is coming over their house.
-the elderly lady of that house nvr believes doing Pooja in mandir. Does very rarely on occasions like Diwali etc.
– they don’t treat well their samdhi’s from whom they demanded high dowry and whom daughter is lakshmi of their house.
– the elderly lady doesn’t believe in cooking regularly for family, she does for sake of doing. Not interested in cooking or eating good quality food.
– they eat meat and taught their children to eat meat too.
– the elderly lady not interested at all doing household work like managing cleanliness of kitchen and other areas.
– the elderly lady manage her time mostly while sleeping, watching TV, listening bhajans on TV.
– they never correct their unmarried young son for commiting mistakes, the son do anything and every silly thing under their consent. Like smoking in house secretily, comes late at night getting drunk, bringing his girlfriend to house to meet her, etc.
– they didn’t even pay any attention at the time of their daughter in law wedding with their son, on all occasions of marriage they were totally lost with their own relatives, not even participated fully on phera ceremony. Didn’t attend bride’s relatives or parents the way they treated their relatives. At the time of phera the groom father was willing to drop his own parents to home (coz even Dada dadi weren’t interested in wedding ceremonies)
– they say bad about their samdhi’s and concluded that they say newly bride to misbehave in her in laws house, in reality my parents was unaware of what struggle im going through in this mad house. They were totally innocent.
– they spoiled my every first function coz of their ego and ugly thoughts that happens after marriage like every festival, occasion u name.
– well I don’t believe money materialism, just to know they didn’t even welcome me nicely at the grah pravesh ceremony. As usual they were lost and didn’t even know what ceremonies to do with me.
– been 3 months of the marriage, the elderly man asked his newly wed daughter in law to leave the house if u have so much of problem in adjusting according to them.
These are just 50% of features. Have no more energy to write more. But prabhuji kindly answer me,
what should I think of them? how should I maintain my devotion for krishna, as these things day and night stress me.
In brief, you got married in an irresponsible family. No one knows their responsibilities. Every member of the family leads the life in their own way.
But, you have not written that they prevent you from chanting or following devotion.
In such a situation, there is no need to worry.
We can not expect that all people should be responsible in their life.
This world is the mix of variety of people.
Everyone will be unique in their character and activities.
Three gunas determine the nature of every person.
In every person, these three gunas are present in a mix.
Based on the percentage of every guna in that mix, he will act in his life.
Some persons may have Rajo Guna more and other gunas less.
Some persons may have Thamo Guna more and other gunas less.
Some persons may have Satva Guna more and other gunas less.
Some others may have any two gunas more and one guna less.
That is why, we can find some goodness even in a thief. A thief may steal the things of others because of the domination of Rajo and thamo guna in him, but, he too may be loveful to his wife and children and protect them well, because of some presence of satva guna in him.
If Rajo Guna is dominated in a person, he will act very aggressively in his every action. He can not be advised and controlled. He will act as instructed by his senses.
If Thamo Guna is dominated in a person, he will be lazy, foolish and he will not take any initiative with interest. He will have ‘starting trouble’ in every activity. He will not have any higher goals in his life to elevate himself.
If Satva Guna is dominated in a person, he will act wisely and see the truth in every activity. He will always have higher goals in life. He will be merciful and fearful to commit offences.
Thus, there can be different types of people even in a family.
You have written the activities of every person in your family.
When I read them, I could understand that the mix of gunas is effectively present in them.
If you expect all your family members to be similar to you, it will be foolish.
We should learn to live among the persons of contrary nature.
If you like to live among like minded devotees only, you have to settle in a temple as a full time devotee.
Even there, there will be the devotees with different approaches. Some will be lazy, some will be active, some may show anger and some may pretend as if he is working.
Thus, in any forum, the mix of gunas are present.
If this is the case even in a devotee community, how can you expect all your family members to be similar to you in nature?
Such a nice devotee Prahalada had his father as a demon.
Lord Rama too was asked by mother herself to go to forest.
Therefore, do not become upset seeing different kinds of people in your family.
See the positives in your life.
You have not written any negatives about your husband. Therefore, he must be alright.
And, your family members are ignorant. Let them be.
You are an individual. You can show your devotion to Krishna as an individual.
You can chant in free time, cook some bhoga separately and offer to Krishna and make some worship.
No barrier for that.
You can attend the temple whenever you get some time.
No one can prevent you from thinking of Krishna from within heart. You can do that and keep Krishna always in mind.
Remember, most of the devotees in any sathsangha are following being a member of non cooperative family only.
The devotion to Krishna has no boundaries. Your mind can go to temple even in imagination. No one can prevent that.
Therefore, don’t care if others are irresponsible.
You remain a responsible wife, daughter-in-law, mother to your kids and of course a sincere devotee.
If they are fortunate, they too will realize the real goal of life when they advance in their age.
Pray to Krishna for their realization.
That’s all you can do in this situation.
Hope this helps.