My taste in chanting reduced after marriage since I don’t get Prasadam there. What to do?
Actual Question from a girl devotee:
Hare krishna prabhuji mujhe aapse kuch puchna tha…I m basically from vaishnav family n got married to a non devotee family where i have to eat veg food. i want to ask u one thing is that when before i used to do chanting it was a different realisation …but now i chant but realisation dont come anymore now. is it coz my food habbits have changed? before i used to feel closer to krishna. now no realisation comes as such…y is this change so…is it coz now i dont offer bhog to krishna n eat? i dont offer it now coz that is made with onion, garlic…now i dont feel such attractions. what should i do to improve my realisations towards Krishna….prabhuji i know that only u can give me answer to this….n whatever solution u will give will only go to that path…pls guide me…hare krishna..dandavat pranam
This happens in many cases because the girls start a new life in the husband’s house after marriage. She can’t expect the same situation that existed in her house before marriage.
I have great respect on women because they are subjected to many testing times in their life time because many customs in our culture are against the women.
For example, when a marriage happens, the boy happily remains in his home itself with his parents. But, the girl has to leave her parents, brothers, sisters, etc and go to the place of the boy and start a new life with new people.
How difficult this system is for the girls? She was spending all the time with her parents and brothers and sisters for about 20-25 years. Now, she has to leave everything and go to a boy’s house trusting that he will be a good boy and his parents will also be good and caring.
The parents of every boy should understand this risk taken by that girl and treat her with love and care. She must be allowed to regularly visit her parents house. She must be treated as the prime member of that family and she deserves all the honours.
The girls are given as dhaan to the boys during the marriage. That is why, the marriage is called kanniha dhaan. After giving that girl to the boy, the parents get relieved and the girl is expected to take care of her new family on her own.
Alas! This society is male centric. That is why, all the customs are against women.
In addition to these things, naturally given problems for the women. If she attains a certain age, she has to manage her monthly periods. She has to bear the child for 10 months and then feed the child for one or two years.
If a boy gets remarriage, the society takes it easy. But, if the women marries again, it is seen with big eyes.
If a boy commits a sexual violation, he does not see any changes in his body, whereas if a girl commits a sexual violation, it is recorded in her body.
These are all just a few samples. If you note twoman, she is facing so many challenges and discrepancies in her life till she dies.
Though there may be reasons for everything, overall, the women are great because they are living in spite of all these challenges.
Considering all these challenges faced by the women, every man should give due respect to the women, particularly his wife, mother, etc.
All the above examples are material examples.
Even in the case of devotional practices, the girls have to face difficulties to continue their devotional practices after marriage.
If she gets a devotee family that is serious in following devotional practices, she is fortunate.
If the things go otherwise and the boy’s family happens to be highly materialistic, a devotee girl is unable to have the same comforts in following her devotional practices.
What to do in such a situation?
She need not worry much because the scriptures do not impose strict devotional practices for women. If she helps her husband in his devotional practices, she too gets the same status that her husband gets.
But, what if the husband happens to be a non devotee as in your case?
Even now, you need not worry. Every day, you will spend atleast one or two hours in your personal room in the afternoon or night. Chant as much as possible in that time. Make the best use of that time when your family members are sleeping or chatting with others.
You can also chant in the open terrace, veranda, etc. You can chant when the food is boiling. You can chant when others go to bed at night. Or, you can wake up before they wake up and chant in the Brahma Muhurtha time.
If you decide to sacrifice your time for Krishna, you can manage chanting in every gap you get in your day to day life.
In addition to chanting privately inside the room, you may also chant within mind even while doing your household works. Thus, you can remain in the thoughts of Krishna all the time.
At the same time, do not miss any duties to be done for the family like cooking, cleaning, serving them, etc.
WHERE THERE IS A WILL, THERE IS A WAY. Just customise your devotional practices according to the situation that exists in your husband’s home.
If you don’t get a food item without onion and garlic, just offer curd rice to the Lord.
If possible take charge of cooking from them. Then, cook very delicious dishes without onion and garlic and offer them to the Lord and then serve that prasadam to your family members. If your preparation is delicious, they will enjoy it and hence will not insist you to cook with onion and garlic.
Have you honoured the prasadam in ISKCON temples? They offer the tastiest prasadam to the devotees without onion, garlic, etc. You too can cook the food like that.
(Here, I request the devotees to send the daily recipes that can be prepared in a delicious taste to offer to the Lord. It should be your original recipe, not anything copied from any source. The title may be the same, but, send only the recipes that your tried. If you send the pictures of that recipe, it will be fine. If not, its alright. They will be posted with your name. Send to email@example.com or to the inbox of our facebook page. Don’t write in comments.)
Thus, take charge of cooking from them. Don’t allow them to cook. Then, the kitchen becomes your kingdom. Do whatever you want there for Krishna.
The additional benefit in taking charge of your kitchen is that they will become the devotees of Lord by continuously tasting your delicious prasadam without onion and garlic. This will degfinitely happen.
Of course, if you do not take prasadam, your consciousness will change materialistic. Because the food is directly connected with the consciousness.
Thus, you can manage your chanting and prasadam.
Try and tell me. All the best.
A sincere advice to the husbands:
If your wife likes to perform devotion after marriage, you must consider yourself as very fortunate. Please give all the support, love and encouragement to your wife to follow her way of devotional life. Your home will become a temple if she is a devotee. If possible, follow devotion with her. If not, atleast encourage her in her devotional practices. Don’t pull her from devotional way of life. She does not need gold or properties from you. Just a simple cooperation in her devotion. Can’t you give that to your lveful wife who came to you after leaving her loveful parents?