Risks of a devotee marrying Non-devotees, Meat eater, Drinker, etc!
ACTUAL QUESTION FROM TWO GIRL DEVOTEES:
“Hare Krishna prji danvat pranam Prabhuji actually this question is asked by a friend and I’m not able to answer , so I’m asking you the question, please be merciful and answer it. So the question is ” She is a nice devotee and following devotional service from 1 yr i.e. 16 rounds and 4 regulative principles. Now she wants to continue devotional service after marriage. But her father wants her to marry with a boy who drinks and eat meat. Actually in her caste, meat eating and drinking is normal. So she is refusing this boy but her father forcing to marry because he is a rich boy. So Prabhuji what should I do… Should I marry a devotee going against to my father? Please help . ASAP.”
“HARE KRSNA…. I GOT LINK OF DIS PAGE FRM A DEVOTEE……….regarding abt marriage.. THOUGH, i m hesitating to share these things to u bt at dis time i don’t have any other option….. i m really tensed.. actually my problem is dat, my parents want me to get marry sooner. bt at in my caste in my country it’s too hard to get a devotee guy. in dis cndtn wht do u think wud be better for me to do, get marry wid a non devotee or there is any way to search for a devotee?? pls help me,i xtrmly need suggestions frm senior devotees. am so confused.. ur srvnt.”
Let us read all the aspects of this matter:
(1) BEST CHOICE FOR A DEVOTEE TO MARRY!
It is good for a devoteee to marry a devotee who is in the similar standing like him/ her. For example, initiated devotee and another initiated devotee. Try your best for that.
(Read THIS POST in our another site: What are the duties of husband in a marriage life?)
However, as there are more initiated girls than boys, there will always be deficiency for grooms in our devotee community. In such cases, the girl may marry a groom who is in the initial stage of Krishna Consciousness (or) she may marry a boy who atleast believes in God and is ready to cooperate her in her sadhanas.
In case she marries a non devotee, ie, an atheist, a meat eater, a drinker, etc she may have to give up her devotional practices. In case he is impressed by her devotion, he may become a believer, but, there is no guarentee for that and hence she need not take risk.
(2) A DEVOTEE MARRYING A DRINKER
No. I never support a devotee marrying a drinker. She should not marry a drinker and a non devotee if she likes to follow devotional way of life. Her husband will definitely add disrepute to the family and the wife herself.
(Should a wife not divorce even a drinking, smoking and abusing husband? READ HERE!)
A drinker will be unstable in the preferences in his life. He will live in a separate world and he will have a different set of friends who are involved in drinking.
He may tell you that he uses just a small quantity of liquor only during some occasions. Whatever it may be, he has a chance to become an addict in near future if he gets opportunities.
He will find fault on her for everything and he may also develop doubts on her since he may develop impotency in due course of time.
(Horoscope (Kundli) Matching for marriage: Do Acharyas recommend it? READ HERE!)
3) A DEVOTEE MARRYING A MEAT EATER
This will also cause problems in life. A devotee girl should marry a meat eater only after he quits meat eating for atleast 6 months honouring her words by involving in devotional practices.
Do not trust his promises that he will quit meat eating after marriage.
Therefore, in your case, clearly say NO for the groom your parents have arranged for you, if you like to lead a devotional way of life.
Stop that arrangement at any cost. If they are adamant, seek the support of any of your relatives to speak to your parents and convince them. If they refuse to stop the arrangements, stop eating at home till they agree for stopping that arrangement.
(Do animals have soul or not and can they be killed since they have no soul? READ HERE!)
(4) WHAT SHOULD BE DONE TO MARRY A DEVOTEE BOY?
We have seen the effects of a devotee marrying Non-devotees, Meat eater, Drinker, etc. Now let us see how to find a devotee person to marry. I do not know, what you mean by the word “Marrying devotee”. Is it generally a devotee or particularly ISKCON devotee? As it has not been given, let me reply for both:
(i) If you are not a serious devotee of Krishna, and need just any devotee to marry:
If this is your need, you can marry any boy having good character and just a belief to Krishna (or) atleast demigods. No problem. Ensure that he is not an atheist. That is enough. Eventhough he is a devotee of Ganesha, Shiva, Etc, but, you are just a moderate devotee of Krishna, that will also work out. No problem.
So, marry atleast a believer of God who has fear in sinning. That is enough. After marriage you can slowly cultivate that boy to the same level like you. There are some political leaders in our state Tamilnadu who are atheists, but have wives having faith in God and going to temples publicly. So, if your husband is an atheist, but, very kind enough to send his wife to temples and sathsangha and allow her tom follow spirituality in home, he is also a good husband only who will become a devotee on seeing your devotion to Lord and cooperation to him.
(How to cook for Krishna in a non veg family? READ HERE!)
(ii) Next, if you need ONLY an ISKCON devotee:
In Nepal, there are ISKCON centres. You can give your horoscope and bio data to the temple presidents concerned either in Nepal itself as well as in nearby cities. They have good arrangement of finding matches for devotees. You can register there also. Also tell the temple president or the concerned official about your spiritual standing.
The temple presidents will help you by suggesting some available male devotees who had registered with him for marriage. This service is available in almost all ISKCON centres. So, instead of selecting on your own, if you go through the temple presidents, they will help to find a match with the same LEVEL of spiritual standing. So, take efforts now.
You can also advertise in the local journals released by local ISKCON temples. Most of the temples run a monthly news letter that are circulated among the devotees. You can advertise in that also. This is also a good idea and ISKCON will also get some revenue through that advt.
You can advertise in Our Site itselfthat has ONLY THE DEVOTEES. Visit THIS PAGE for details!
Hope you are clear about a devotee marrying Non-devotees, Meat eater, Drinker. Hopefully try. You will get a devotee to marry.
All the best.
(Is Marriage between a vegetarian and non vegetarian devotee advisable? READ HERE!)