Can a girl devotee remain unmarried instead of marrying a non devotee?
ACTUAL QUESTIONS FROM TWO GIRL DEVOTEES:
Hare Krishna Prabhuji. Is it better to remain unmarried than marrying a non devotee? Especially for a girl.
Hare Krishna prabhuji……. I am …………………. Of 19 years old…. I have not taken dikkha but I do obey all rules and regulations…… Of what vaishnavas do….. And I am really feeling happy to accept myself to be the eternal servant of lord Krishna…… But my doubt…. I am studying B.com final year…………..
But I usually see that my fellow friends getting married…. And also at my home my mother certainly speaks that women are ought to get married…. But I myself have surrender to my Krishna… And don’t want myself to get indulged with material attachment……….. So…
Is marriage is important……. Can you please explain me sir because I am feeling satisfied from your teachings and I would happy if you accept me as your sishya?
Sir since I aim to be an lecturer so I can earn money and could serve my parents…. Can a girl devotee remain unmarried in these conditions? So why marriage is required sir……. Please guide me?
Both the cases are genuine, but, you can take any decision after thoroughly reviewing your real mindset, willingness, your safety in the selfish society, etc.
If you are not willing to marry a non devotee boy, fight with your parents and marry a devotee boy. Make it a condition to them and try your best for finding a devotee boy. Instead of doing so, why should you skip the marriage itself?
A girl devotee can remain unmarried in genuine cases. But, Whatever you think in this age may not sustain in future and you may get another view later. Our view points always change in the course of age. This is a proven fact.
If you decide something based on your views fixed based on your little or no experience in this age, you may regret later when you get realization after experiencing this material world.
(Horoscope (Kundli) Matching for marriage: Do Acharyas recommend it? READ HERE!)
Just review the past decisions you took in your age of 10-12. They may seem funny now. Similarly, any emotional decisions taken in this age of 17-20 may seem wrong in your 30-35. So, do not develop a decisive mindset now itself. Allow more time and balanced thoughts.
Some wrong decisions can be corrected even after many years. For example, if you decide not to use any refrigerator now, you can change that decision even after ten years and buy new one.
Whereas, some other decisions can not be corrected in future. If you decide not to go to any jobs now, you can not get a right job later in your age of 30-35.
Some devotees take a decision of settling in temples as full time devotees in their teen age itself. Many take such decisions really after evaluating themselves. However, some devotees join the temples as full time devotees in their teen age without evaluating their nature, preferences, etc, properly. Then, they change their decisions after years because of certain situations and like to go to study or go to job. At that delayed age, they find it difficult to find a good job for them that makes them regret.
See, for some devotees who have severe domination of Rajo and thamo gunas, reformation will take very long period. So, though they follow devotion, reformation may take more time. Those who have less contamination will get reformed fast.
(GUIDE FOR DEVOTEES : WHO SHOULD COMPULSORILY MARRY? WHY? READ HERE!)
Studying well and getting a good job must be done in young age. If you decide to serve the Lord as a full time devotee and change your mind in your age 40, you can not get right education, job and spouse in that age.
Therefore, you should initially balance and serve the Lord while studying or going to job. Then, if you feel the same preference of of full time service in your age of 30-40 also, then, you may enter into full time service.
Same applies for marriage also. If you wish for full time service now or taking care of parents now and remain unmarried, in case you need to marry in your age of 40, it will be difficult for you to find a right match for you.
I do not say that remaining unmarried is wrong for girls. In exceptional cases, it is also ok. If you try for marriage and do not get married throughout the life, its alright. Atleast, you have taken efforts for marriage. But, if you develop a hatred in marriage without valid reasons, there are chances that you may change your decision in later parts of life and at that time, it may be difficult.
(GUIDE FOR DEVOTEES: CAN GIRLS AVOID MARRIAGE AND STAY IN THE TEMPLES? A TEST FOR YOU! READ HERE!)
First think yourself what is the reason for your wish to remain unmarried for ever. If you like to work, earn and take care of your parents, you can help them even after your marriage getting the consent of your husband. You may request the groom to allow you to help your parents after marriage. If he agrees, you may marry him.
How can you be a full time servant of Lord by working as a lecturer? So, your decision is not backed by practically feasible considerations. If you work as a lecturer, you may have to develop a desire to marry in your later age. So, you may not get a proper groom at that age.
To avoid this, review your decision in this age itself. Girls are usually beautiful in their teen age. That beauty may continue till a certain age. So, it is advisable for them to get married before a certain age. In case you change your decision later and marry in later age, you may not have sufficient strength to cultivate your children and give them a good life.
Acharyas like Srila Prabhupada strongly recommended marriage for girls because there are many difficulties in remaining unmarried for girls. They may have to face many disturbances in the society. In general, they may feel loneliness in their old age and they may not have anyone to manually support them in their old age.
(GUIDE FOR DEVOTEES: WHO SHOULD AVOID MARRIAGE? WHY OTHERS SHOULD MARRY? READ HERE!)
Other than the cases in which a girl devotee remains unmarried instead of marrying a non devotee, some devotees develop a hatred in marriage after coming to devotional way of life. They just hate marriage in a fear to face the burdens or because of love failures or seeing the free nature of full time devotees.
Only one side of the life of the unmarried persons can be seen by us. There may be the dark side also. Charlie Chaplin, a popular comedy actor of Hollywood had a dark personal life. We see his comedy only.
There was a very beautiful actress in South India namely Soundarya. She was very beautiful. But, she unfortunately died in a helicopter accident.
Many villain actors of cinema has been sincere devotees in their real life. At the same time, many heroes have a dark personal life.
Therefore, every person may have another side also. We can’t judge based on seeing their single side only.
There may be many problems among the devotees even in full time services to the Lord. Even many unmarried persons are struggling in their life.
(SHOULD A DEVOTEE NEEDS MARRIAGE WITH ANOTHER PERSON SINCE KRISHNA IS THE ONLY PURUSHA HUSBAND FOR ALL? READ HERE!)
Therefore, there are problems in all varnas and ashramas. We have taken birth in this material world to face problems as well as some temporary pleasures. Therefore, wherever you go, you will find the people with some kind of problems.
Even settling in temples need not be a permanent solution. Sathsangas or spiritual organizations can not protect terminal patients. They will keep them only until they can perform some duties.
Think of these points. Decide practically. Devotional service can be performed even from the set up of marriage.
Try for a devotee boy who can help you to continue your devotional services after marriage. If you try for such a groom praying to Krishna, He will help you get one. Marry him and continue your devotional services to Krishna. You can also help your parents by getting permission from your husband.
In case you like to remain unmarried even after considering these advice, make all the arrangements to safeguard yourself during your old age. Because you will need more money to spend your last period of life. Earn and save something for your old age. Now a days, you need more money even if you decide to stay in the homes for the elders.
Hope you are clear about whether a girl devotee can remain unmarried instead of marrying a non devotee.
(Is marriage necessary or unnecessary? READ HERE!))