Whom should I marry after treating all girls as mother?
A male devotee (Name hidden) has asked the above single line question.
Yes, The scriptures and acharyas like Srila Prabhupada advice for treating girls as mothers. They request us to maintain our mindset like that when we see other women. This does not mean that they are mothers by blood.
(Are women Priests, Sanyasis and Gurus allowed in Sanathana Dharma? READ HERE!)
It is said that we should honour our gurus like honouring Krishna. This does not mean that guru and Krishna are equal. When we approach a guru, we should have the bhava of approaching Krishna.
Similarly, we should adopt the practice of treating all girls as our mother. But, they are not equal to our mother. Once we select a girl and marry her, we should treat her with dignity like we maintain with our mother. A wife shows all kind of bhava with her husband. She is a mother when he is distressed. She is a private companion when he is disturbed by senses. She is a friend when he is confused. She is a dhadhi (nurse) when he is diseased. She is a child when he appreciates and gifts her something. She is a father who encourages him when he faces a setback.
Thus, a wife shows many kinds of relations with her husband simultaneously. If it is possible for her, is it hard for the men to maintain motherly approach to all the girls? Nothing wrong in such bhavas.
Actually, one will have only one ACTUAL mother from whose womb he came. But, we must TREAT other women LIKE treating our mother.
Because, mother – son is the only relation where there is no contaminated activities. Mostly, the relation between mother and son is pure one. So, the scriptures and Srila Prabhupada told so to develop a self protecting attitude within the minds of males from involving in ilicit activities with other women.
(Why the dress codes for women though even the girls of vedic period were wearing skirts only? READ HERE!)
If you marry a girl, have sex with that girl only. Others should not be disturbed. Other women are the “wives” or “would be wives” of some other husbands. Your wife alone is your wife assigned for you from among crores of women in this world. If you disturb a married girl, that means, you are trying to take the wife assigned to another husband. If you try to disturb an unmarried girl, you are trying to take the daughter of a father who is caring his daughter with love. So, we have no right to approach her. If a girl is unmarried, his father has a choice of to whom he must give his daughter in marriage. That is final.
So, both married and unmarried girls/ women are related to someone else. Krishna has allowed more than 400 crores of men and 400 crores of women in this world equally. (With slight ups and downs). This itself shows that He expects that one boy should stop with only one girl. If he takes another, he STEALS the “WOULD BE” or “WIFE” of another man. So, the man-woman number balance is affected. You are entitled to have only one girl. That girl is your assigned wife. Another girl is another’s assigned wife or daughter.
(Why Arjuna blames only women, not men in Bhagavad Gita 1.40? READ HERE!)
So, don’t hesitate to treat ONLY ONE GIRL as wife. It is approved. Treat others LIKE mothers. That will be a respectful look. If there is no control like this, the boys will dare to disturb whatever girl they see. There will be chaos in this world.
Srila Prabhupada says about treating all girls as mother in a morning walk on 25.10.75 in Mauritius:
Yes. First of all be yourself a cultured man, a gentleman. You are worse than animals. What animals cannot do, you are doing. Hare Kr.s.n.a. (break) …man is defined by Canakya Pandit:
yah. pas’yati sa pan.d.itah.
Here is culture. First thing is, any woman except one’s own wife.
(How should a devotee treat and behave with the women? READ HERE!)
What is that, Srila Prabhupada?
Any woman should be looked upon as mother. This is culture. Except his married wife, all women should be treated as mother. The brahmacaris were taught like that, “Mother.” This is culture. Simply they are trying to elope other’s wife, other’s woman, exploit them. And they’re cultured. There is no culture at the present moment. Ma-tr.vat para-da-res.u para-dravyes.u los.t.ravat: “And others’ money should be treated just like pebbles in the street.” Nobody cares for it. So they are simply making plans how to grab others’ money. And A-tmavat sarva bhu-tes.u: “And if you feel pains and pleasure, you should consider for others also.” If your throat is cut, then do you feel very happy? Why you are cutting the throats of the poor animals? Where is culture? There is no culture. Simply rogues and thieves and rascals and fools. Where is culture? They do not know what is the meaning of culture. Here is culture, three words:
yah. pas’yati sa pan.d.itah.
He is cultured.
(HOW SHOULD WOMEN LIVE PERFECTLY AS PER THE SCRIPTURES? READ HERE!)
Pusta Krsna: Otherwise just animal.
Prabhupada: Simply animal.
Pusta Krsna: It is very logical.
Devotee: Srila Prabhupada, should we call all the women “mother”?
Prabhupada: Yes. And treat it like mother. Not only call, but treat it like mother.
Except your present or future wife, SEE … CONSIDER…. TREAT other women as mothers.
After marrying one, treat her in many relations as explained above as a wife, mother, as a friend, as a nurse, as a father, etc. These are all the roles she plays.
You too can play many such roles with your wife after marriage. No issues in it.
Hope you are clear now about treating all girls as mother and then marrying them.
(Why the scriptures give more restrictions to women than men? READ HERE)