Fearing for marriage after initiation unwilling to part parents – Solutions!
“……………………Dasi” asked like this:
Hare Krishna prabhuji Dandavt pranams How are you doing? I have discussed my problems with you earlier. And you had given superb answers to them. And only by grace of God, it could happen.. They have finally disappeared from my life now.
Now that I have got initiated from my dearest guru maharaj HH ……………. swami maharaj.. He has adopted me like his own child and since then my life has been going on very smoothly… But since you are a great counsellor and like a good friend, sending a message to you has a purpose. Sought to having a solution to my next problem that stands in my life. Now prabhu in order to understand my problem, I will have to give a little background to it.
Prabhu, I have been a very loving child of my mother. She is kind and so caring and lovable. I have another sibling but I have always been preferred. I m provided all kinds of protection. Being a quiet kid.. I don’t know how to confront my issues head on and so she has been a companion in all my bad times. And the good ones too. She is the one responsible for getting me initiated. She puts forward my views in a group. She gives me guidance and suggestions. She is the victim when I get angry but in return I only get love and that love in turn melts my heart and makes me a kind hearted person… All this has made me a very sensitive kid. As she stands for me in all situations. I m a part of her prayers.. asking for my goodness, health and prosperity in my life and career.. and obviously bhakti too. So Now I have turned 23. I am still pursuing this course which is going to take another 1 year to complete and after that I m ready to be married.
Marriage. I just feel that after I get married – I Will Be Alone. Now the other side of my mind… which keeps on constantly consoling me inside that it is all Krishna’s love directed to me through her. It is only and only that she is acting as the medium to provide me that love that Krishna wants to give to me. What to do? I m getting mentally disturbed All because of I m not able to fix my mind on Krishna but how does all other girls do it without any problem at all. I m so sad at separating from her and always in anxiety that how everything is going to be in the next house that I go to . I m very much attached with the ways I m living in this house now.. and concerned what if I’m not able to adjust myself with new surroundings and new people.. what will I do? Will I go in depression? Again? Even if I don’t want to. But this feeling is not leaving me now. It has captured my mind completely and its like I m ruled by it. I m so sorry for such a long message. Hope that I will get an answer that satisfies me within Although one simple answer my mother gives to me is that don’t think much about all this and Krishna will take care of it all… Still I cant stop myself. Please help if you could.
In general, those who have a disturbed life without peace because of many reasons take up devotional service easily and seriously.
Disturbed Material life —> faster development in devotion.
Because, they will be thinking/ worrying how they can go out of such a hellish life. When an opportunity comes to serve Krishna through the mutts/ organizations like ISKCON, they find that appealing and take up devotional service readily.
If you note the life of many acharyas, they had very disturbed family life. Sri Ramanujacharya left his family when his Poorvashrama wife acted in a way that he did not cultivate. Srila Prabhupada left his family when his Poorvashrama wife did not understand his deep interest in devotion to Krishna.
Of course, these acharyas would have followed devotion even if their families had been cooperative to their devotion. But, the non-cooperation made them desert their families and become the head of the bigger family of devotees.
(Finding Match for marriage Satisfying both Parents and Krishna! Tips! READ HERE!)
Thus, material disturbances force a person towards devotion deeply. There is no doubt in it.
That is why, many people who are enjoying a temporarily happy life in their young age with their wives and families, do not show much interest when we speak to them about Bhagavad Gita and dedicating for Krishna’s service.
Take me. I too was pushed towards ISKCON when I was in serious distress with my business setbacks. Before that, I was leading a life similar to the youth of today. Had Krishna not given that setbacks, I might not have come to devotional organizations like ISKCON that have strict rules. These rules are better than the distress one has in his life. So, he readily takes up devotional service.
Distress alone is not the reason for one to take up serious devotional practices. Some gifted persons are ignited by their inner self to take up devotional way of life because the vasanas and samskaras from their earlier birth in which they were following devotion, naturally ignites them to take up devotional way of life to continue from the past life. They take devotion due to vasanas and samskaras from previous birth.
You must be one such case.
Because in your case, you are leading a smooth and loving life with your mother. Fine. It is great you took diksha from H.H…………. Swami in this young age though you had no pressures of distress. In spite of this smooth life, you have started devotional life under the guidance of a guru that shows that you have been following devotion in your previous birth(s) that has forced you to take up devotion to Krishna in this life.
So, feel happy that you have the blessing of Krishna who has given you a spiritual master to follow devotion in this young age.
Now, about fear for marriage parting your mother and sibling.
All the girls in India do that. If you remain unmarried, it will be a pain to your mother. Her relatives will ask her about that repeatedly.
For the parents, seeing their daughter getting married to a good guy will be the happiest moment in their life and they will feel that they have done their responsibility as parents.
You have not written whether you have any hatred about the physical relations. If you hate physical relations, you need not worry. If you marry an initiated-but sincere devotee boy, he will follow grahastha rules about physical relations. So, animal like relations may not be there.
(LEADING GRAHASTHA LIFE PROPERLY FOR DEVOTEES! 12 RULES! READ HERE!)
So, you can marry an initiated, sincere and mentally matured boy who is very decent with women and dedicated to Krishna’s service.
I have a well wisher and vibrant senior devotee in ISKCON and I have served Krishna for one year along with him. His initiated daughter married an initiated devotee boy and is now leading a grahastha life as she wished.
Thus, consult your guru or the in-charge of his office to register your name for matrimonial support from his office. Request him or his office to recommend you a sincere devotee boy to marry. This may work out. Or, register your name in your nearby ISKCON temple with which you are associated.
As far as parting mother and sibling after marriage is concerned, it will make them happy. If you are still hesitating, try for an initiated devotee groom from your city itself. Thus, you, sister and your mother can live in the same city and visit them every day or week. They too can come and meet you whenever both of you like.
If you do not get a devotee boy in the same city, try from a nearby city that is just an hour or two hours travel. This too will be helpful.
Avoiding marriage by girls is not much recommended unless there are serious reasons. I have written post HERE about who should avoid marriage.
You have to think of your last days and you may need some support during that period. So, marrying an initiated devotee boy in or near your city after thorough verification is a good option.
In this age of 23, you may have some kind of thoughts. In 32, you will have some other thoughts. When you cross 40, you may feel alone. Your mother can’t remain with you till you live. One day, she has to leave before you. At that time, you may need some other support. If it is a good devotee boy and your child, it will be fine.
Therefore, if you have serious hatred in marriage with valid reasons, avoid marriage. The reason mentioned by you is really weak and impractical because every girl has to leave her parents to settle in some other place after marriage. This is the system.
Instead of totally avoiding, take sufficient time to find a really good devotee boy in your city itself and marry. It will make your mother and sister more happy than your being with her till she lives.
Think practically keeping your aged days in future in mind.
I have to add one important point. Some devotees will have no marriage as per their horoscope. Such devotees can’t marry even if they try hard. So, try your best. If you get a good initiated devotee boy, marry him. If you do not get a boy like that in spite of your sincere attempts, then, think of avoiding marriage.
Now, start trying. You can use my horoscope services to know about them.
Hope this reply has freed your heart.
(IMPACT OF MARRIAGE & CHILD BIRTH IN LIFE BASED ON KARMA! READ HERE!)