Can a girl divorce the drinker & torturing husband after aborting the baby?
A woman devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“i m………. a married women.now i have very serious problem in my life n confuse abt wat z rt action for me now. i m 2 month pregnant now n my married husband does not take care me any way, rather torchered me various way n he wants divorce from my side. he z a addicted wine drunker n non vegetarian characterless who married me very dishonestly doing false promises n misrepresentation. i m only child of my old widow mother who z now taking care me. some people suggested me to abort the child after divorcing as there will b arise social n economical problems with this coming child n his identity. guru ji pls answer me soon wat should i do?
I was growing as a spiritual person and pure vegetarian devotee by knowledge, love and devotion for paramatma under the support of my family before marraige. I always hate wine, alcohol, smoking, meat eating and sacrifices many things as per my level possible for growing high in spiritual path, ignoring social material evil. But a spoilt evil person like ravana took Devi Sita, in ramayana, enter in my life by expressing his love for me n my views n thoughts and pressured begged me to extend my hand to help him for spiritual path by marrying him. He very dishonestly married me doing false promises n misrepresentation like ravana under the support of his family for rising their status economic fruitfulness. soon after marrraige they torchered me with combined ignorant strength n spoilt my life to live even normaly. I m suffering .pls help”——
Very pathetic situation. Tight corner situation too.
Though you abort the child, you have interacted physically with your husband. So, he has created an impact in your body and heart. it can’t be removed. The child is just an evidence of marriage.
I can not instantly recommend divorce and remarriage – they have NOT been recommended by the scriptures for women. Srila Prabhupada did not recommend divorce, remarriage, etc even for his own sister when she complained about the tortures of her husband to him. He advised her to be patient and pray to Krishna.
However, considering this cruel trend of kaliyuga, I recommend divorce and remarriage in some genuine cases of women who fights hard to follow devotion, but unable to follow because of her husband’s tortures.
So, even in your case, I have to advice you without insisting much on scriptures.
What you can do now?
Considering the serious situation, if you GENUINELY feel insecured, you may go for these three acts discussing with your parents.
If you had taken sincere efforts to correct him, but, he did not correct himself, then, there will be no other way than to part him. You too seem to have made up your mind for separation. And, living with a liquor addict and women addict is very difficult for a girl. So, I understand your feelings. So, In your case, I can not insist sastric advices. No other way because the situation is serious. I won’t support divorcing husband because of small problems and temporary and correctible issues, etc. But, I can not waste the life of a devotee girl by recommending her to adjust with a drink addict who beats and tortures his blessed wife. He has to pay for his mistakes. He has to feel the emptiness without his good wife.
(1) As per sastras, abortion is killing a child. No difference. However, if you like to marry another boy divorcing this serious addict, then, there is no other way to abort that baby. But, remember, you will incur some serious karma out of it. If it is ok, then abort it. Have consultation with your parents. But, I will never recommend abortion. Do at your own risk if you are ready to face the karma in the next birth. If you get a kind hearted man who will marry you with your child, get that child.
I usually do not recommend abortion because, it is also killing the baby within the womb. However, in your case, you say that you can not live with the man and are going to part him. So, if your are going to remarry another person, he may or may not accept you with baby. If it is the case, though it is sinful, you may find a logic in doing so, as you have to marry another man. So, I leave it to your own decision and your preparedness to face the karma out of it. You will definitely have rebirth if you abort your child to face that karma.
(2) If you have REALLY no desire for sense related pleasures (Do not lie and deceive yourself), and do not have an idea of another marriage after divorcing him, DO NOT ABORT that child, but get it. If you have earnings, live alone with your baby. That baby will be a protector for you in future. If you are a house wife, you will have to depend on parents for your living. Consider these things and decide.
(3) Before considering all these options, if possible, try to correct that man by admitting him in rehabilitation centers. First threaten him that you are going back to your parents’ home if he continues drinking and other unhealthy acts. If he does not correct, go to your parents once, twice or thrice. If he does not correct himself even after that, you may divorce him. I do not easily recommend divorce, as it is also against sastras. However, living with such addicts is very difficult and I am writing this considering myself as a devotee girl in your position. So, my fingers automatically type recommending the divorce as the LAST OPTION if you could not correct him at all. Take atleast one full year to correct him, not within a few days.
AND, IN YOUR CASE, HE ONLY ASKS DIVORCE, NOT YOU. SO, ALL THE KARMA GOES TO HIM, NOT YOU.
If you decide not to remarry, lead a decent life with parents and child and cut all the talks and relationships with the husband. If he has really corrected himself and has reformed, consider him again if the legal divorce has not come. Just give him many chances for his correction and then decide to divorce him.
(4) A woman may control her senses by seriously involving in devotion. However, consider remarriage with another person ONLY IF you are unable to control the sense disturbances even while practising devotion. If you do not have such disturbances, you may live alone instead of remarrying another person. In case a girl prefers to avoid remarriage, SHE MUST LEAD A DIGNIFIED LIFE. That is important.
I understand the pains of a girl devotee who is married to a liquor addict and torturing family. So, though you part your husband, Pray to Krishna to be with you giving you the encouragement and support.
I do not know what the actual magnitude of problem is as I have not seen in person. He may be an innocent victim of friends’ company. However, I am advising in general. Though I do not easily recommend divorce and remarriage for girls, in your case, if you are perfect, but, are tortured by husband, then, you may consider divorce if you have a desire of remarriage. Otherwise, get the baby and develop him and live alone with the child. When your husband comes after realization, consider him after evaluation.
Never decide these important things without discussing with your parents. But, before deciding everything, try sincerely to correct your husband. You may gradually involve him in Krishna consciousness by taking him to temples. I have seen reformed persons even from jails. So, if u take sincere efforts, you may succeed in correcting him.
All the best. Let Krishna gives peace of mind for you.