Can a Girl divorce her husband as per the Laws of Manu?
A woman devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“i m………. a married women.now i have very serious problem in my life n confuse abt wat z rt action for me now. i m 2 month pregnant now n my married husband does not take care me any way, rather torchered me various way n he wants divorce from my side. he z a addicted wine drunker n non vegetarian characterless who married me very dishonestly doing false promises n misrepresentation. i m only child of my old widow mother who z now taking care me. some people suggested me to abort the child after divorcing as there will b arise social n economical problems with this coming child n his identity. guru ji pls answer me soon wat should i do?
I was growing as a spiritual person and pure vegetarian devotee by knowledge, love and devotion for paramatma under the support of my family before marraige. I always hate wine, alcohol, smoking, meat eating and sacrifices many things as per my level possible for growing high in spiritual path, ignoring social material evil. But a spoilt evil person like ravana took Devi Sita, in ramayana, enter in my life by expressing his love for me n my views n thoughts and pressured begged me to extend my hand to help him for spiritual path by marrying him. He very dishonestly married me doing false promises n misrepresentation like ravana under the support of his family for rising their status economic fruitfulness. soon after marrraige they torchered me with combined ignorant strength n spoilt my life to live even normaly. I m suffering .pls help”——
REPLY:
Very pathetic situation.
Though you abort the child, you have interacted physically with your husband. So, he has created an impact in your body and heart. it can’t be removed. The child is just an evidence of marriage.
I can not instantly recommend divorce and remarriage – Divorce has NOT been recommended by the scriptures for women except in a condition where her independence and security is at threat. In other conditions, a Girl can not divorce her husband as per the Laws of Manu.
Srila Prabhupada did not recommend divorce, remarriage, etc., even for his own sister when she complained about the tortures of her husband to him. He advised her to be patient and pray to Krishna.
Srila Prabhupada calls divorce and remarriage as ANIMALISM, ie, having pleasures and then part their ways after some period.
(Why Tara, Mandodari, Damayanti and other women married twice or more? READ HERE!)
Manu is very clear in allowing a wife to leave her husband in only one condition:
According to Manu Smriti, a wife, whose independence is threatened by her husband and family members’ narrow-mindedness or shrewdness, must be right to leave behind her relationships and begin the process of discovering herself. Manu Samhita 9.79 says that if the man is mad, an outcast, destitute of manly strength or under punishment of a crime, these are exceptions.
This means, after leaving the husband, she should involve in Self realization and God realization, ie., should become a dedicated devotee. She should avoid marrying again.
Srila Prabhupada clearly says that if a girl divorces and remarries, she is preventing an unmarried girl getting married to that man.
However, in some cases, Srila Prabhupada exceptionally allowed non initiated girls to desert her husband and then take initiation and then marry a devotee man. Because, once she is initiated, it becomes her new birth. Divorce was the affair of previous birth. Only in such a condition, a Girl can divorce her husband and remarry.
He says in Srimad Bhagavatam Lecture on Sept. 13, 1969:
“… In India still, the system is follow(ed) in conservative families that a widow cannot marry. There is no widow marriage in India. They, the… Manu-samhita, the law-givers, the saintly persons, Manu-samhita… Why widow marriage is prohibited? The idea is generally, everywhere, in all countries, the female population is greater than the male population. So the idea is that she has become widow. She was once married. Now if again she is married, another virgin girl, she does not get the chance of being married. Therefore there is no widow marriage according to Hindu scripture. And a man is allowed, if he is, I mean to say able man, he can marry more than one wife. Not that simply marry. To get more than one wife does not mean sense enjoyment. The wife must be maintained very respectfully. She must have good house, good ornaments, good food, good servants.”
He says in Srimad Bhagavatam 7:11: 28, Purport:
“Although the duties of a woman are different from those of a man, a chaste woman is not meant to serve a fallen husband. If her husband is fallen, it is recommended that she give up his association. Giving up the association of her husband does not mean, however, that a woman should marry again and thus indulge in prostitution. If a chaste woman unfortunately marries a husband who is fallen, she should live separately from him. Similarly, a husband can separate himself from a woman who is not chaste according to the description of the sastra. The conclusion is that a husband should be a pure Vaisnava and that a woman should be a chaste wife with all the symptoms described in this regard. Then both of them will be happy and make spiritual progress in Krsna consciousness.”
However, considering this cruel trend of kaliyuga, sometimes, it is inevitable to avoid divorce and remarriage in some genuine cases of women who faces insecurity and also fights hard to follow devotion, but unable to follow because of her husband’s tortures. However, as much as possible, a woman can take up devotion after her marriage fails. If she needs remarriage, she should take initiation and marry a devotee boy.
What you can do now?
Considering the serious situation, if you GENUINELY feel insecured, you may go for these three acts discussing with your parents.
(Will Krishna reform abusing husbands if the wife likes to avoid divorce? READ HERE!)
If you had taken sincere efforts to correct him, but, he did not correct himself, then, there will be no other way than to part him. You too seem to have made up your mind for separation. And, living with a liquor addict and women addict is very difficult for a girl. So, I understand your feelings. No other way because the situation is serious and insecure. I won’t support divorcing husband because of small problems and temporary and correctible issues, etc. But, I can not waste the life of a devotee girl by recommending her to adjust with a drink addict who beats and tortures his blessed wife. He has to pay for his mistakes. He has to feel the emptiness without his good wife.
If you divorce him, take initiation from a bonafide guru and marry a devotee boy.
(1) As per sastras, abortion is killing a child. No difference. So, if you abort, remember, you will incur some serious karma out of it. If it is ok, then abort it. Have consultation with your parents. But, I will never recommend abortion. Do at your own risk if you are ready to face the karma in the next birth.
I usually do not recommend abortion because, it is also killing the baby within the womb. However, in your case, you say that you can not live with the man and are going to part him.
At first stage, I do not recommend the women marrying again in all cases except the condition mentioned above because Manu recommends her to follow Self & God realization after parting husband. So, if your are going to remarry another person, he may or may not accept you with baby. If it is the case, though it is sinful, you may find a logic in doing so, as you have to marry another man. So, I leave it to your own decision and your preparedness to face the karma out of it. You will definitely have rebirth if you abort your child to clear that karma. No excuses in aborting babies as it is killing.
(2) If you have REALLY no desire for sense related pleasures (Do not lie and deceive yourself), and do not have an idea of another marriage after divorcing him, DO NOT ABORT that child, but get it. If you have earnings, live alone with your baby. That baby may be a protector for you in future. If you are a house wife, you will have to depend on parents for your living. Consider these things and decide.
(How a wife can be divorced for illicit affairs, since divorce is not allowed by scriptures? READ HERE!)
(3) Before considering all these options, if possible, try to correct that man by admitting him in rehabilitation centers. First threaten him that you are going back to your parents’ home if he continues drinking and other unhealthy acts. If he does not correct, go to your parents once, twice or thrice. If he does not correct himself even after that, you may divorce him. I do not easily recommend divorce, as it is also against sastras. However, living with such addicts is very difficult and I am writing the karma involved in it also. So, the divorce as the LAST OPTION, as Manu says, in insecure conditions, if you could not correct him at all. Take atleast one full year to correct him, not within a few days. A girl can divorce her husband in insecure situation after making all her attempts to correct him.
AND, IN YOUR CASE, HE ONLY ASKS DIVORCE, NOT YOU. SO, ALL THE KARMA GOES TO HIM, NOT YOU.
So, in such insecure situation, a Girl can divorce her husband as per the Laws of Manu. If you decide not to remarry, lead a decent life with parents and child and cut all the talks and relationships with the husband. If he has really corrected himself and has reformed, consider him again if the legal divorce has not come. Just give him many chances for his correction and then decide to divorce him.
(4) A woman may be able to control her senses by seriously involving in devotion. If you do not have such disturbances, you may live alone instead of remarrying another person. In case a girl prefers to avoid remarriage, SHE MUST LEAD A DIGNIFIED LIFE. That is important.
I understand the pains of a girl devotee who is married to a liquor addict and torturing family. So, though you part your husband, Pray to Krishna to be with you giving you the encouragement and support.
I do not know what the actual magnitude of problem is as I have not seen in person. He may be an innocent victim of friends’ company. However, I am advising in general. Though I do not recommend instant divorce and remarriage for girls, in your case, if you are perfect, but, are tortured by husband, then, you may consider divorce. Otherwise, get the baby and live alone with the child. When your husband comes after realization, consider him after evaluation.
Never decide these important things without discussing with your parents. But, before deciding everything, try sincerely to correct your husband. You may gradually involve him in Krishna consciousness by taking him to the temples. I have seen reformed persons even from jails. So, if u take sincere efforts, you may succeed in correcting him.
Hope you are clear about whether a Girl can divorce her husband as per the Laws of Manu.
All the best. Let Krishna gives peace of mind for you.
(Why Divorce is not allowed in Indian Scriptures? A Crystal Clear Explanation! READ HERE!)