Life becomes Robotic if we don’t have attachments! What to do?
A male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna. I have a question in Ratha Yatra day one of my very near neighbor go for his work but due to a road accident he died in the same day. Who has a child( both are below 5 years) along with old parents. The man who died was the backbone of the home. By his death a wife lost husband, children lost father and old parents lost young boy.
Already 2 days passed the family condition is very devastating. The man who died had grocery store now as a house wife how her wife manage it. His wife become faint after hearing the shocking news.
Here my question is if this type case happened with a devotee family how other family members keep patience. How much time mourning/crying is ok. People said is the deceased person come back if you cry and it is reality but automatically previous thought and emotions comes. We all know one day everyone have to go.
So question is: instead of knowing still we cry. Is it attachments? If attachments cause misery, then how to avoid attachments? if father kiss or hug small baby, is it attachments? If son sleep mother’s lap is it attachments?
If people think death come anytime and attachment cause of misery then relationship become robotic nature. Finally please reply what level mourning is ok and what level attraction is ok”
REPLY:
Before reading my reply to this question, read one of my previous posts given below that speaks about the differences between Love and Attachments:
(Love, Mercy & Attachment – Differences & Precautions! READ HERE!)
Let me now come to your question.
Crying for the death of a person is not necessary if we had done all our duties for the deceased person when he was alive.
I too have already written this in one of our posts. What is it?
I was keeping my mother right from my student age till she passed away in her age 90, for many decades.
Though I could not give a luxurious life because of my simple lifestyle and my financial position in the past,I gave her good care, respect, food, shelter, etc.
When she died, I did not cry. I was working near her body in Laptop updating the Post for the next day for our site.
I informed the death of mother to devotees, but after posting that day’s post that was typed by me sitting near the dead body of my mother.
Though I lost my mother, I did not stop even a single day’s post. Show was going on as usual.
How was it possible?
Reason is clear. I had done all my duties for my mother when she was alive for decades with all respects.
I usually did not speak dialogues to show my love for mother. My goals are very high and spiritual. So, I was keeping her as a duty of a son. I was ready to face my mother’s death at any time.
If we expect someone to live with us for ever, it is attachment.
I was aware that my mother will die at any time and I should keep her happy by being a disciplined and devotional son.
I did that nicely.
(How One suffers & falls due to attachments as said by Krishna? READ HERE!)
Though she had no comforts of AC, Car, etc when she was with me at that time, she was happy because she had no fear of getting deserted by me.
I sacrificed my own personal life to take care of my mother. But my satisfaction level was very high because I was doing my duty as a son.
So, when my mother died, some of my relatives asked me:
“Why are you typing in a Laptop sitting near mother’s body without even a single drop of tears? How is it possible for you?”
I replied:
“I have done my duties for her when she was alive. So, I have no guilt to cry. She has gone today; Tomorrow Me. This will go on… Death is common for all. No one is exempted.”
This is Love without attachment.
Being prepared to part at any time. Doing our assigned duties just as duties, without expectations.
This world will exist even after we leave. It was here even before we took birth.
Whatever you try, you can’t prevent death.
This world is a temporary shelter for us. We can stay for some period, spend our past karma and add new karma and leave to take new birth with suitable body according to the thoughts and actions in our previous births.
In this short lived life, why should we develop attachment with someone and then suffer being unable to bear their separation?
For a devotee, such attachments are the primary cause of slow growth in devotion.
Ok.
You have written that you feel like Robot if you don’t have attachments with persons and materials.
Why should you feel like a robot by keeping your heart empty without the attachment to the people?
If you keep your heart empty, it will be felt like a robot.
But if you instal Krishna in that empty space, the life will be blissful.
Instead of just deserting attachments, develop attachments to Krishna.
This will make your life blissful.
When you get Krishna, it will be permanent.
No separation; No death; No rebirth; But an eternal, blissful life.
If we keep getting Krishna as our goal of life, we will not develop attachments with the people and things.
In the cases mentioned by you, that husband has died as per his karma.
His family will not starve. They will get some good sources and opportunities as help for them.
Time will heal everything.
(Are Demigods subject to attachments and bad times? READ HERE!)
For a few days after death, the life may look like a dark zone, but time will heal everything and new ways will appear.
You have also asked the permitted level of mourning for the death of people.
It depends on the level of detachment of a person. If one is attached to Krishna and detached to the people and he has done all his duties for that deceased person, there will be no need to cry.
Only if we fail to do our duties for a family member, we will feel guilt and that guilt will bring more tears.
So, do your duties for your family members and boldly approach the life without any guilt.
Just performing our duties keeping Krishna in mind will make us well matured and eligible for getting Krishna that is the ultimate boon one should get.
Hope you are clear.
(Are Demigods subject to attachments and bad times? READ HERE!)