I like to quit marriage as I love my parents only and a devotee boy wants to live with me without marriage. What to do?
A girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna I am a girl. I completed my graduation in Economics honours. Currently am not doing any job nor am studying. I also don’t want to get married. Because of some economic and personal problems I could not study further. I joined a job for one month but could not continue it because of the atmosphere. The seniors used to abuse the juniors and shout at them. I could not bare the rude, harsh and illtreatment my colleagues where going through. As I was new I personally did not have to face that but it was like a torture for me to see those things so I had to quit the job. I don’t find myself eligible for marraige as I want to serve Radha Maa and Krishna. I love to have devotees’ company. Marraige involves much more duties and this will detach me from Krishna bhakti. From a young age I have always seen my mother as my top most duty given by Krishna to me. And since I consider this as a duty given by krishna to me so I want to stay with my parents and help them. But as parents worry for us, my mother is worrying for me like what will happen to me in their absence. Since I love to be with devotees and my mother worries for me so I thought to make friends with devotees so that I also get a company and my mother may also stop worrying. I know a devotee guy whom I have said I don’t want to get married. Knowing this he still wants to stay with me and remain unmarried forever. His only wish is if my parents ever made me to get married then I should marry him only. My parents are financially strong. They don’t need my earned money. This is also a mercy I got from Radha Krishna and so I could spare my time for knowing myself, Krishna and His devotees and really am so much happy and satified with my life. But since my mother is worrying so am a bit confused about what should be my next step. I have told my mother my that guy but she does not believe he will stay for me forever. I am not an initiated Krishna bhakt. I am the sole person in my whole family who is trying to be a krishna bhakt. I spend my time by helping my parents, I read and listen Bhagavad Gita. I water my plants daily and chant in front of the plants so in this way I also get a chance to chant Hare Krishna Mahamantra and the plants could also hear the transcendental words. I sing bhajan, do krishna kathas, tulsi prayer and so on for a small whatsapp group. I read articles by prabhujis and matajis and shrila prabhupad over facebook on shrimad bhagavad, padma puran and so on. Please prabhuji tell me what should I do? Please help me. I sometimes feel sad thinking with whom I am staying they may not be happy with me and worrying for me. Though I have an elder brother and sister-in-law but my mother fears that they will not come to my help in my parents’ absence if I need anyone ever plus they are doing jobs in a different city. Please help prabhuji. Please. Hare krishna Radhe radhe. Hari bol. Thank you for sparing your precious time prabhuji.”
The angle in which you are thinking seems to be wrong.
You have given three reasons to quit marriage:
(1) You prefer devotional way of Life.
(2) You like to take care of parents.
(3) You fear for new responsibilities after marriage.
The third reason must be dominated one since, now-a-days, the boys and girls like to remain free from responsibilities.
Actually, you are in a confused state and you are not clearly thinking of your future.
If you take such a decision to quit marriage for all or any of the three reasons, there are more chances for them to go wrong.
If you quit marriage for serving the Lord, you mean that the grahasthas in ISKCON or any other ssathsanghas are not serving the Lord. So, this is a weak argument. The best solution will be to marry a devotee boy with good character and lead a devotional way of life along with him. This will also ensure a good social standing and safety for you. Without trying for marrying a devotee boy, thinking of quitting of marriage is not good.
And, the boy you mentioned seems to be risky one. You have said that he likes to be with you even without marriage and if you marry, you should marry him only. This is nonsense. Who is he to say that you should live with him without marriage? Is this a mindset of a devotee boy? He seems to be a pretender. So, just cut all your relations and friendship with that so called devotee boy. I am very much worried about the presence of such boys in the devotee community. He likes to live like outsiders with a girl even without marriage. A devotee will never tell like this. I think you are unnecessarily having talks with him. Just cut this dangerous devotee. Don’t hesitate for that.
If you quit marriage to take care of parents, who will take care of you after their demise and in your old age? No person is expected to avoid marriage to take care of parents. A wise girl will make a precondition to a boy whom she marries that she will have to take care of her parents even after marrying him, either in their home or in a nearby home within the same street or apartment. This will be the best solution.
Instead of thinking like this productively, if you think of quitting the marriage itself, it is a clear foolishness. If you take sincere efforts for marriage and it does not work out, it is alright and we can take it as your karma in this birth. But, if you do not wish to take efforts to get married is a clear escape from the responsibilities.
If you escape from marriage by fearing to take new responsibilities, you are forgetting two things:
(i) You yourself have to take care of yourself, your safety, your diseases, old age, food, etc., throughout your life.
(ii) If you marry a devotee boy, you will have another person to share your responsibilities. Therefore, you can easily bear any problems or responsibilities. When we deal with the life as a single, it may be difficult. If you face as two people, it will be easier. Just because a few marriages fail, you need not skip the marriage itself.
(4) You tell that you can spend your life in temples. Are the temples ashrams to keep you throughout your life? I think that no temple will dare to keep the young girls there as full time devotee permanently. A temple is a place that is managed by brahmacharis and sanyasis. If they allow young girls to stay there, I am sure that it will lead to many unwanted happenings. So, I WILL NEVER SUPPORT IF ANY TEMPLE GIVES SHELTER FOR GIRLS TO STAY AS FULL TIME.
In a very few very big temple head quarters, they may have hostel facilities for young girls. But, all unmarried girls can not be allowed there. Only some exempted girl devotees who happen to serve the Lord for long period in those big temples can be allowed to stay there.
Therefore, stop thinking in this angle. First cut all the talks with that boy. Then, look for a devotee boy to marry. Marry him and lead a good devotee life. With the permission of your husband, keep your parents with you or keep them near your house.
Girls too can quit the marriage ONLY IF ALL THEIR EFFORTS TO GET MARRIED FAIL THAT CAN BE TAKEN AS THEIR KARMA. But, the reasons you have given are weak. So, think again wisely.
Hope this has helped you.