Devotees marrying Devotees only – Things to be kept in mind!
ACTUAL QUESTION from a Girl devotee:
“Radhe Radhe Prabhuji, Prabhuji my mother is worried because I dont wanna marry with a person who drinks,eats meat and do clubbing and all. I want a guy who doesn’t even eat onion and garlic and is dikhshit from my Guru Pita only and he is spiritually advance and can help me too in developing love for Krishna. I want him to be serious and strict devotee. She is worried what if I don’t find a guy I will not marry then how will I live after them? I trust Krishna most I know whatever he does is just to wake up from this maya so that we can be back in our home. But how to tell muma? She knows everything but when it comes to me she is little bit tensed. This is what I feel from her gestures. What should I do? I wanna join some NGO and want to do something for Rama Jans. What should I do? Pls guide me and thank you for resolving my problem. Pls keep me anonymous. Radhe Radhe Hare Krishna
It seems that you like to marry a boy who is (1) avoiding meat, liquor, clubs, etc; and (2) an advanced devotee.
Be strong in your first decision. But, be flexible in your second decision.
(After coming to devotion, I hate and avoid non-devotee family and others that makes them angry. Why Krishna allows this? READ HERE!)
Let me tell why.
It is my firm view that a girl should never marry a boy who has the habit of drinking. Even if he uses only on week ends or only during parties or just a small quantity every day, say “NO” to him.
The reason is simple.
Though a person drinks only limited quantity now, he has 90% chances to become a habitual drinker in future.
He may even become a big addict in future who drinks and lies unconscious on road side.
Only a small percentage of the drinkers recover from that habit in due course of time.
Therefore, in my opinion, the habitual drinkers do not deserve marriage at all. They can better avoid marrying a girl since they can not keep her happy.
(A Devotee wife and Lusty Non Devotee husband – How to manage? READ HERE!)
The girls too should clearly say NO to a boy who drinks even casually.
Marrying a drinker is like taking the maximum risk in life.
Therefore, I advised you to be strong in your decision of not marrying a drinker.
As far as marrying an advanced devotee is concerned, you need to have some flexible approach to know the reality and decide accordingly.
In my observing the devotee community, I have observed a fact that two devotees should marry only if both of them are in almost equal stage in devotion.
If you are not an initiated devotee, you should not marry an initiated devotee.
If you are very serious in devotional practices, you should marry only a guy who is also serious in devotional practices.
(I, a devotee, am unable to marry a devotee girl because of the nature of my job. What to do? READ HERE!)
If you too are an advanced devotee, you can marry an advanced devotee.
Advanced devotee means the one who have sufficiently developed material detachment. For him, only Krishna is the life and his spouse is also a servant of Krishna. He prefers only Krishna in life.
If a devotee marries another unequal devotee or non devotee, that marriag has the risk of separation.
For example, if a serious male devotee marries a casual girl devotee, what will happen?
The husband may totally avoid watching television whereas the wife may like to watch television.
(5 Conditions for a Krishna devotee to marry a Non devotee Meat eater! READ HERE!)
The wife has just started to follow devotion and is in a starting stage. Therefore, she is still involving in mundane acts like watching movies, TV serials, etc.
The husband is following devotion for many years and hence he has quit all the mundane acts.
If they marry just because both of them are associated with a temple as devotees, it may not be an equal match.
Just because a person comes to the temple and looks like an advanced vaishnava with all the symbols, it does not mean, he/ she is a serious devotee.
They may even be casual devotees or new devotees.
(Should a wife serve a non devotee husband also? READ HERE!)
That is why, I have said that in the case of the devotees marrying devotees only, it is better to marry a devotee who is in an equal status like you.
To know this, you should watch that devotee’s activities closely and visit his/ her home and know his/ her way of following devotion. You should discuss with that devotee about his preferences in life.
If you feel that you can adopt that life style, you can marry that person.
Therefore, in your case, first know yourself and then marry a boy who is almost in the same level like you in devotion. Do not be firm in marrying only an advanced devotee. To marry an advanced devotee, ensure that you too are an advanced devotee.
Hope this helps to deal with the family issues when first generation Devotees marrying Devotees only!
(Is it good for a girl devotee remaining unmarried instead of marrying a non devotee boy? READ HERE!)