My mother is worried since I like to marry only a devotee with good habits. What to do?
Radhe Radhe Prabhuji, Prabhuji my mother is worried because I dont wanna marry with a person who drinks,eats meat and do clubbing and all. I want a guy who doesnt even eat onion and garlic and is dikhshit from my Guru Pita only and he is spiritually advance and can help me too in developing love for Krishna. I want him to be serious and strict devotee. She is worried what if I dont find a guy I will not marry then how will I live after them? I trust Krishna most I know whatever he does is just to wake up from this maya so that we can be back in our home. But how to tell muma? She knows everything but when it comes to me she is little bit tensed. This is what I feel from her gestures. What should I do? I wanna join some NGO and want to do something for Rama Jans. What should I do? Pls guide me and thank you for resolving my problem. Pls keep me anonymous. Radhe Radhe Hare Krishna
It seems that you like to marry a boy who is (1) avoiding meat, liquor, clubs, etc; and (2) an advanced devotee.
Be strong in your first decision. But, be flexible in your second decision.
Let me tell why.
It is my firm view that a girl should never marry a boy who has the habit of drinking. Even i9f he uses only on week ends or only during parties or just a small qualtity every day, SAY “NO” to him.
The reason can be simple.
Though a person drinks only limited qualtity now, he has 90% chances to become a habitual drinker in future.
He may even become a big addict in future who drinks and lies unconscious on road side.
Only a small percentage of the drinkers recover from that habit in due course of time.
Therefore, in my opinion, the drinkers do not deserve marriage. They can better avoid marrying a girl since they can not keep her happy.
The girls too should clearly say NO to a boy who drinks even casually.
Marrying a drinker is like taking the topmost risk in life.
Therefore, I advised you to be strong in your decision of not marrying a drinker.
As far as marrying an advanced devotee is concerned, you need to have some flexible approach to know the reality and decide accordingly.
In my observing the devotee community, I have inferred a fact that two devotees should marry only if both of them are in almost equal stage in devotion.
If you are not an initiated devotee, you should not marry an initiated devotee.
If you are very serious in devotional practices, you should marry only a guy who is serious in devotional practices.
If you too are an advanced devotee, you can marry an advanced devotee.
Why I advise like this?
Because the devotees marry another unequal devotee or non devotee, such marriages have the risk of separation.
For example, if a serious male devotee marries a casual girl devotee, what will happen?
The husband may totally avoid watching television whereas the wife may like to watch television.
The wife has just started to follow devotion and is in a starting stage. Therefore, she is still involving in mundane acts like watching movies, TV serials, etc.
The husband is following devotion for many years and hence he has quit all the mundane acts.
If they marry just because both of them are associated with a temple as devotees, it may not be an equal match.
Just because a person comes to the temple, it does not mean, he/ she is a serious devotee.
They may even be casual devotees.
That is why, I have said that it is better to marry a devotee who is in an equal status like you.
To know this, you should watch that devotee’s activities closely and visit his/ her home and know his/ her way of following devotion.
If you feel that you can adopt that life style, you can marry that person.
Therefore, in your case, first know yourself and then marry a boy who is almost in the same level like you in devotion. Do not be firm in marrying only an advanced devotee. To marry an advanced devotee, ensure that you too are an advanced devotee.
Hope this helps.