Is Loving a devotee getting attracted by his performance wrong?
A Girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna Prabhu Ji . I have been struggling with this thought since a month. Please enlighten. I’m a non-initiated Iskcon devotee. I follow 4 rules and chant mahamantra as well. I have fallen in love with one devotee guy ( he seems to be 20-21 of age ) . He is expert in playing musical instruments. He might be a Brahmchari, I don’t know. He wears white kurta & dhoti all the time. So basically , Is this feeling okay ? If yes , How should I approach him? If not , How should I get over it ? Please enlighten me & help me in getting my mind at a peaceful state again. Hare Krishna”
REPLY:
Ha Ha. I was thinking that it is long time since I replied a question on the topic of “Love” in devotee community. Your question about loving a devotee getting attracted by his performance, has ended that gap.
See, wherever the boys and girls mingle, definitely one or two girls and boys may fall in love.
That is why, unlike in other temples, in the ISKCON temples, the male and female devotees are grouped separately.
Unwanted discussions are discouraged.
The devotees are encouraged to shave their head, make their appearance devotional, wear a Vaishnava cloth and call the women as matajis meaning mother.
(Is loving full time brahmachari devotees wrong? READ HERE!)
Why these practices?
If the devotees reduce their pulling material outlook, he may have less disturbance from the persons of opposite sex. Others may see his shaved head, tilak, white or safron clothes and think that the guy is a dedicated devotee to serve the lord and hence we should not disturb him.
So, the Vaishnava clothing itself is to reduce the material disturbances.
If a girl falls in attraction seeing even the Vaishnava clothes, what to do? How to make the boy least beautiful?
No chance at all.
Though a boy devotee wears safron, a few girls may fall in love with him seeing his neat way of wearing safron (!!!) and they will call it as spiritual love.
So, the external change of appearance may not fuuly stop the devotees from getting attracted and diverted.
The devotee you have mentioned is wearing neat white dhoties. He plays Mridangam in kirtans nicely.
(Is it good for some devotees wearing indecent clothes publicly? READ HERE!)
These two dedicated services by a 21 years old male devotee attracts you.
See, it is not wrong to choose a devotee for marriage. But, we should not be weak like the outside people and we should not fall in love easily even without any discussions between you and him.
If this is the situation, how can the temples and sathsanghas maintain discipline?
So, in this case, you have just got attracted and you are decently approaching me to know whether you are right in having such a feeling about that boy.
I can’t say it is wrong, but, I can say that it can be avoided in devotional life.
If you feel that that boy is attractive in clothing and playing Mrutanga, these two alone are not the indicators that he can be a good husband.
(Will selecting a devotee for marriage seeing appearance work correctly? READ HERE!)
A devotee in Vaishnava dress may even hate married life. He may have an idea to fully dedicate to the service of the Lord as brahmachari staying in the temple. He may be practicing for that now.
So, without knowing his inner ideas about becoming a Grahastha, you should not disturb him.
If he too shows some interest and indicates that he likes to marry you, then you can say YES or NO to him and proceed further. That too, by engaging your parents to access his standing and preparedness to enter into the grahastha life.
In my astro experience with thousands of devotee horoscopes, I have observed that most of the devotees come to the devotional life after hating the material life outside.
So, most of the devotees may not have deep interest in love, violations, marriage, etc.
(How should devotee couples follow rules in Public Places? READ HERE!)
They wanted to lead a life different from the materialistic people that have driven them to the devotional life.
So, atleast one out of two devotees in ISKCON may be with a mind that has been frustrated with the material world.
So, they may like to remain unmarried for ever.
So, without knowing the actual mindset and preferences of that boy, do not develop any feelings for him.
Let them be free from diversions.
I usually give this suggestion. You may inform a senior mataji in your temple and request her to enquire the boy to know whether he has interest in grahastha life. She can ask. You should not.
If he gives positive reply, then tell that senior mataji to tell the temple president / manager about your choice of that boy. Then, the temple president/ manager may discuss with that boy. If he shows interest, then, request your parents to meet the parents of that boy.
If everything goes well, you can marry him.
Without following the safe procedures like this, do not develop unwanted emotions. It may affect his sincere practice of devotion. It may affect your devotional standing also.
Hope you are clear now about Loving a devotee getting attracted by his performance.
(What is called Pure love? Is it possible in this material world? READ HERE!)