Love between two devotees & non devotees! Differences!
A Girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna Prabhuji, I am 17 years old girl I was in relationship from last 5 years… That time my bf was not a devotee.. But in my ignorance I considered him my life.. Now he become a pure devotee bramhchari he broke up relationship 3 months ago .. I m trying hard to come in devotion.. I m doing 16 mala regularly.. Trying to follow srila prabhupada’s principle.. But in that last 5 years in foolishness I always goal to follow Sita Mataji and consider my bf as pati parmeshwar but forgot that we are not married. I know all this thoughts may be foolish. I have done big sin. I m feeling much guilty for my foolishness.. Now facing a lot mental pain due to seperation from that guy but I want to be true devotee what can I do plzz prabhuji tell me. And we had no physical connection and we already promised that we will not have it life long.. But my attachment with is mentally .. Please prabhuji direct me.. I don’t want to disturb that guy and become obstracle in his spiritual path .. I just want to be a pure soul.. Thanks for giving us your precious time .. Hare krishna”
REPLY:
Love between two devotees & non devotees have vast differences!
Two non devotees love for satisfying each other!
Two devotees love to satisfy Krishna together as husband and wife!
That is it!
If the love starts before becoming a devotee, it may face strain or separation if anyone becomes a devotee!
Because that person starts to review whether the person chosen before coming to devotion is suitable for devotional way of life.
In your case, both are devotees, but he wanted to take full time service to Krishna!
If a Girl-Boy love breaks after one becomes a devotee, it is not a break up. It is an elevation. Good things are happening.
When you were loving him, he was not a devotee. After coming to devotion, he broke up relations with you. You too became a devotee. He could forget you; but, you are unable to forget him.
This is called bondage and conditioned state.
Material love always creates bondage. After loving you, he has got sudden awareness and left you without bothering how deeply a girl will be hurt.
First of all, your case is not at all love. Now in the age of 17, you say that both of you are in relationship for the past five years. That means, your love started in the age of 12.
(Is the love of two devotees material or spiritual? READ HERE!)
How can we accept it as love in the age of 12? It is just an adolescent attraction called infatuation.
He has maintained some kind of attraction with you in his innocent age. Now, in the age of 17-18, he got some awareness and became a devotee. So, he easily left you as it was not deep love, but just infatuation.
This is the trend of kaliyuga. Boys and girls start to develop some confused form of relationship, getting induced by the harmone effects.
So, your relationship is childish. When he attained some maturity, he realized his mistakes and escaped.
In such situation, how should you take and act?
The best solution is just leave him free to follow devotion as a brahmachari. When a boy likes to lead a brahmachari life, a girl should never disturb him. Because he has declared that he is not ready for married life.
If you note the great acharyas and even Sri Caitanya Maha Prabhu, their consorts accepted the separation of their husbands and allowed them to follow sanyasa freely.
(I am unable to love Krishna, after I started to love a boy. What to do? READ HERE!)
So, the world gets an acharya when a woman sacrifices her husband. If you sacrifice that boy and his thoughts, the temple will get a good devotee.
For example, In the case of Sri Caitanya Maha prabhu and Sri Ramanuja, their young wives accepted separation of their husbands because their husbands left them for a good cause of guiding the world.
Your lover too has left you after getting awareness in life with the mercy of the Lord. He might have loved you innocently in his adolescent age. Now, when he leaves you for serving the Lord as a brahmachari, you should allow him freely without disturbing him.
In your case, he has left you even before marriage. Had he left you after a few months of marriage, it would have been more difficult for you.
Since he has left you even before marriage, you have more choices now.
Just gift him for the service of Krishna. Let him serve Krishna without disturbances.
You go on your own track. Since you have sacrificed your lover for serving the Lord, you will be given a good life by Krishna.
If you are still thinking of him, the thoughts may induce you to approach him again one day. It may disturb him.
(Why Radha Krishna Love is praised, but, a Girl & Boy love is objected? READ HERE!)
He deserted everything for serving the Lord. You too serve Krishna sincerely and desert the thoughts of that boy. If you chant from the heart and remain in the thoughts of Krishna, these emotional thoughts will not disturb.
You have not fully tasted the higher taste of Krishna. That is why, you are disturbed with his thoughts.
Just be relieved that you have done a sacrifice by allowing that boy for serving Krishna peacefully.
If you keep wasting your time in thinking of him, you can’t improve in devotion, but he will be improving.
Therefore, sacrifice his thoughts and focus seriously in devotion like him.
In case he gets interest to marry you in future, consider that. Otherwise, forget him.
Even this age of 17 is not a suitable age for deciding about marriage. For the next five years, focus in studies and also follow devotional practices sincerely.
Hope you have understood the differences between the Love between two devotees & non devotees!
Best of luck.
(What is called Pure love? Is it possible in this material world? READ HERE!)