I am unable to love Krishna, after I started to love a boy. What to do?
A Girl devotee who requested anonymity, asked like this:
Hare Krishna..Please dont reveal my name. I work in …………………. away from my house in another town. By Krishna’s grace i have everything in life to be happy, however i don’t have peace of mind.
I used to worship krishna everyday when i was at my home, but now i am not able to. I love a boy and he loves me too. Sometimes he doesn’t treat me right and i keep thinking about it. I can’t take away my mind from him. I don’t have much friends here because i madly followed him and forgot how to make friends, talk to people, maintain relations with others. Please help me! I want peace of mind, i want to worship krishna like before. Please help me with advice. Thank you..”
This is the problem for many. These are maya’s acivities.
Whatever is not related to the Lord is called the acts and tricks of maya. If a devotee is very strong in his devotion, maya will not disturb him/ her. But, if that devotee has one leg in the material things and another leg in the service of Krishna, maya’s disturbances will not come down. Because, she knows that you are oscillating and hence it is easy to pull you from Krishna. So, she sent that boy to you and as expected by her, you have started to give importance for that boy than Krishna.
Maya’s other tricks will be giving disappointments and problems to divert our attention from Krishna. But, all these tricks will be only in the case of those who are oscillating between Krishna and material attachments and who do not have strong involvement in devotional practices and do not maintain strong love with Krishna.
Actually, I do not like to comment about loving a boy or girl. Because, I know that it is a natural feeling in teen age and twenties and all love can not be branded as irresponsible acts. There are some natural affairs between two responsible youth who behave very decently and responsibly. Love is natural. If we find someone safe and qualified to be associated with, and if love comes with that person, it is natural one. But, if love comes, it should not be misused by going out and doing unnecessary things. They should immediately inform their parents and start to do the arrangements for marriage. At any stage, violations should not be allowed among couples before marriage.
As far as the devotees are concerned, they should always remain in spiritual platform. A devotee will mingle with so many people. But, he will not give importance for falling in love. He will love Krishna only. If Krishna brings any good girl for him naturally, he accepts that girl and marry to serve the lord together with that girl.
So, even the love should be for devotional purpose, ie, to serve Krishna. Human love is for this body and mind. So, it is material love that are bound by karma.
Whereas, love with Krishna is that of soul/ athma. So, when we love Krishna, He will connect you with a devotee boy whom you can marry and do services. So, a devotee accepts a wife/ husband to continue his/her service to the lord still better. He does not marry for bodily reasons alone. Of course, the same marriage relations can be used to control the senses also when the senses disturb the devotee without allowing him to perform the devotional practices better.
Why I am writing these things to you? There is a reason.
(1) If you love that boy for your material happiness and enjoyments, you forget Krishna when you love him.
(2) If you love that boy for serving the Lord along with him, whenever you see that boy , you remember Krishna. How? “Oh, if this devotee becomes my husband , I can serve Krishna still better. If he is fit for that, let Krishna unites him with me”. This is the right thinking. So, whenever you see or hear or think of that boy, you remember about serving Lord.
Now, from your message, I can understand that you seem to love that boy more for you, less for Krishna. So, when you see him, you forget Krishna. So, please do not scold me, I like to tell you that there must be some selfish reasons in your love with that boy. If you like to marry that boy for doing service to Lord together, you won’t have forgotten Krishna when you think of him.
I think that you are aware of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. We need not go into the nature of his preaching, mayavada, etc., etc., as there may be differences of opinions. But, He married and treated his wife like a mother. He never had any selfish motive in his accepting a wife. Though they remained inside a room, they remained unattached and their marriage is not for physical relations. He married her for doing spiritual service.
Even in ISKCON sathsangha, there are hundreds of couples who nicely serve the Lord together.
Similarly, a devotee should select a girl/ boy for serving Lord together. Additional benefit in marriage will be that they can have relations when their senses do not allow them to perform devotional practices. After that, they can concentrate in devotional practices in full swing again, single mindedly without the disturbance of senses.
Keep all these points in mind. Speak to him about Lord and doing service together. Make up his mind like that. If you talk more sense related topics with him or if you think of your sense pleasure whenever you think or see him, you can not perform service to the Lord effectively after marriage.
Now, think of your preferences in life. Which one you prefer in life? A happy life with pleasures with husband? Or, a Krishna Conscious life with husband?
If you decide your preferences between these both, and if you like to marry him to perform service to the Lord better, you will never forget Krishna even a single minute in your life.
Think it over.