Is a male devotee calling woman devotee for personal help wrong?
A male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna prabhu ji dandvat pranam please accept my humble obeisances into your lotus feet. Prabhu ji I need your help. now I am not able to go to temple because of my mistake.
I have connected a group of devotees and do kirtan and other activities regularly but one day I called one mata ji and said I need some shopping, can you come with me. She denied. Then I disconnected all devotees for fear and same I did not attain any problem in temple. Now, I listen only online and not able to do proper my sadhna.
Please guide me how to overcome this situation any hope for me that I can continue bhakti.”
REPLY:
This is what known as “Overacting”.
There is a way to talk to other devotees, particularly to the women devotees.
Some devotees try to develop unwanted talks with the other devotees. See, we should use the association of devotees for learning & advancing in devotion. Not for unwanted talks and actions.
However, you have not done a big offense as you felt for it.
Such small ‘excesses’ like talking to a woman devotee unnecessarily and calling her for shopping lead to the violations later or may lead to defamation for you.
So, a devotee should go to the temple to gain spiritual knowledge, to have the association of the devotees of same gender, to perform kirtans, etc.
I don’t bother though you call me as Old fashioned. I can’t write hiding the important facts. In my view, a male devotee should associate only with the male devotees and vice versa. However, they can talk to the female devotees strictly for the genuine needs for discharging devotional services.
(Is loving full time brahmachari devotees wrong? READ HERE!)
The concept of association should not be used to mingle with the women devotees that may lead to the violation of Good Conduct with a woman devotee or defamation.
If a male devotee mingles more with women devotees, he may have chances to fall from the codes of conduct at any time. So, male-male and female-female association is recommended.
This kaliyuga allows more impact of maya. Therefore, one should be very careful in mingling with the persons of opposite gender.
It is not wrong to talk “to the point” to the women devotees if there are compelling and valid reasons. But, having unwanted discussions, interactions, going out with women, etc., should be avoided.
The thoughts like “I will do anything I want, but, I should come up in devotion” are very unfavourable for devotional growth.
The entire material creations are maintained because of this male-female attractions only. So, maya will make all the facilities for a devotee to fall if he develops some affinity for women.
(Is loving a devotee boy for his neat Vaishnava outlook & music wrong? READ HERE!)
Straight route is always safe to travel.
In devotional life, one of the reasons for us to practice devotion is to regulate our senses. Without sense control, the devotional practice is just a “show”.
So, we should practice and achieve to control the urge to speak and interact with the persons of opposite sex.
Most of the problems come in our life because of the excessive interaction with the persons of opposite sex only.
As said by the scriptures, the Desire for Money, Kama and fame are the three culprits that cause the fall down from our devotional practices.
Of course such attractions to the money, Kama and fame are natural during the initial days of following devotional way of life. But, If we do not control our desires, these three will attack us even when we are advancing in devotion. Even great Tapasvis like Visvamitra lost their balance because of Kama. Then, what to say about others?
(Is it good for some devotees wearing indecent clothes publicly? READ HERE!?)
So, a male devotee should be very careful in mingling with the women and vice versa.
In your case, out of eagerness or curiosity or ignorance or innocence, you have called that woman devotee to come for shopping with you. A male devotee calling woman devotee for personal help is an unwanted excessive behaviour. She is not your companion, she is a devotee like you who has come to practice devotion.
You should have called a male devotee. Better than that, you should have gone alone. Because we should use other devotees only for the activities related to devotion. Shopping is your private activity. So, you alone should go for such private duties.
(Is attraction between a male and female devotee offensive in devotion? READ HERE!)
In general, we should be self standing in all our efforts in life. We should not behave like others in every activity.
You have called, she refused. You need not stop going to the temple. Visit the temple; behave in a very responsible manner; never turn towards the side of women devotees; fully involve in kirtans, lectures and services.
Prove yourself as a sincere devotee who comes to the temple only for practising devotion. In due course of time, everything will be forgotten.
Only the reformation and care to avoid offenses are important. You feel for your small mistake. It is encouraging. But, you need not avoid visiting the temples.
Hereafter, visit the temple and follow the ethics sincerely.
Hope you are clear about whether a male devotee calling woman devotee for personal help wrong.
(What if the Association is misused by some devotees to love in temples? READ HERE!)