Is attraction between a male and female devotee offensive?
A Girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna Prabhu ji . I’m quite disturbed with this thought since a month. Please enlighten me and help me to get on the right path.
I’m a non-initiated Iskcon devotee. I follow 4 regulative principles and chant mahamantra.
I’ve fallen in love with a guy who is an initiated Iskcon devotee ( I think he is initiated since he wears 3 rounds of kanthi mala ). He beautifully plays Mridangam in Harinam Sankirtan. He seems to be 20-21 yrs of age. It seems like he is a Brahmachari. He wears white dhoti & kurti always. I got to know his name as he has an account on a social media app called Instagram.
Is this feeling right ? If yes , how shall I approach him ?
If not , what should I do now?”
REPLY:
See, the love is a normal feeling in your very young age.
You have got attracted seeing the spiritual skills of that boy devotee. Eg: Playing Musical instruments nicely.
(Is the love of two devotees material or spiritual? READ HERE!)
Ha Ha….It makes me smile to see how deeply these girls are analyzing the activities of the boys even in devotee communities.
In this matter, there is no difference between Cinema and temple.
In Cinema and material world, they get attracted seeing the body attraction.
In the temples, mostly seeing the skills of the persons.
When I was studying 11th standard in the free Government school, I usually go to the school in the morning one hour before the school begins and read my lessons alone there as I like the atmosphere of my classroom amidst the trees.
After a few days, a girl somehow knew that I am coming one hour before the start of the school and reading there.
(How love affairs affect Devotion and Krishna Consciousness? READ HERE!)
Since I was the first rank scoring student in our class, she must have developed some feeling for me.
See, it was in my age 16.
She too started to come to the class at 9 AM itself like me and she would be watching me acting as if she too is reading.
I did not talk to her out of fear in that age.
After a few days, she one day told me that she liked me very much as I was very brilliant and all the teachers appreciated me.
I was shocked as those things are uncommon those days, decades ago.
(I am disturbed to see girl and boy devotees loving inside the temples. What to do? READ HERE!)
I advised her for ten minutes. A few lines of my advice are:
“Marks are not sufficient in life baby. Money is needed. So, study well, earn well and marry a boy in your middle twenties seeing his character and earning. I have only business of studying as mine is the poor family that needs my support in future. Please concentrate in studies. If you come to the class like this one hour in advance, I may have to stop coming like this. Please understand. Do not get angry”
She shed tears in her eyes. Such a childish girl developed some feelings seeing my being a good student.
Thus, in this age, these things are common.
Situation makes everything.
Wherever the males and females assemble together, there are chances of such attractions.
(How love affairs affect Devotion and Krishna Consciousness? READ HERE!)
We need not blame the God. The society has become liberal in mingling. Hence these issues.
In the temples too, attraction between the male and female devotee exist.
Anyway, in your case, you have developed attraction seeing his being a multitalented brahmachari.
My first advice is NOT TO disturb him directly by telling your feelings to him.
Develop good rapport with the senior women matajis there and after a month or two, tell that mataji to enquire about his willingness to enter into the grahastha ashrama.
If he has no idea of marrying, leave him and be decent.
If he says to that mataji that he is looking for a good devotee girl, then, request that mataji to talk to him about his priorities in life.
(If a girl loves Krishna but marries someone else, will she lose purity? READ HERE!)
If those priorities suit you, then tell that mataji to talk to your parents.
Thus, finish this in marriage.
Do not approach and disturb him directly. He may have decided not to marry.
Always approach thru senior matajis whom you feel understands you positively.
Or, you can ask your parents to talk to the temple manager or president to talk to that boy about his ideas about marriage.
This should be the right way.
(BEST TIPS TO THE DEVOTEES FOR GETTING LOVED BY KRISHNA! READ HERE!)
Never develop strong feelings about anyone as disappointments may also be on cards when we have expectations.
Just try for a good devotee boy sincerely thru senior matajis.
Before finishing, please note that good music players need not be experts in family maintenance; And those who do not know to play the musical instruments may be experts in family life.
Even great scientists, acharyas, etc., had miserable personal lives. So, professional skills and family interest are different..
So, thorough evaluation is the must in all cases though it is the attraction between a male and female devotee.
Best of luck.
(Why can’t we offer our love instead of Food to Krishna? READ HERE!)