How to make the devotee children Social if they are not so?
A devotee mother (Name hidden) asked like this:
My son who is 18 years, doesn’t take interest in studies- with Krishna’s mercy somehow he passed 12th grade. We tell him its very important to study and build a career, as to live in today’s world needs money. He is a person who want to live comfortably. He spends lot of time in mobile, playing games and reading comics. If we take away the mobile from him, he becomes very angry & upset (will not eat food, will not talk to anyone, will not go out etc.). He listens to me as a mother, but not on restricting mobile usage. He helps me in house-hold chores, if I ask him to do. Even if we shout at him, he just listens to it (sometimes we can hear him murmuring to himself, but will not talk back loudly most of the times). He spends about 30 minutes daily to clean the lamp, light it and chant one round, as he is seeing us doing it since childhood. He attends temple programs once/ twice a month if we push him. He doesn’t want to interact with people and is happy alone with his mobile games. He is not confident and has low self-esteem. Kindly advise how can we help him develop his social skills, give importance to his academics as well, so that he is ready to face the world. Thank you in advance- kindly do not publish my name.
REPLY:
This is the major issue among the devotee circles.
I have noted so many cases like this.
And, I have also repeatedly said in my posts that “serious” involvement in devotion by either the parents or the children or both may reduce the interest of children in studies.
So, I always encourage being moderate in devotion while studying.
(Why the Scriptures permit getting more children? READ HERE!)
In many cases, the parents who are serious in devotional practices normally have less attachment in worldly affairs. So, they do not sufficiently insist their children to study well. The time spent by those devotee parents for the studies of their devotee children will be less.
The parents need more time to chant 16 rounds of Hari nam, offer food to Krishna, perform aratis, pujas, etc. They are always in devotee association and hence they will not show much involvement of guiding the devotee children’s studies.
The studies are materialistic activity. So, the involvement of devotee parents and children will be naturally less in studies compared to the materialistic parents and students.
These devotee children and parents will be experts in devotional practices, scriptures, humbleness, etc. But, their competitive spirit in material education is less in many cases.
It is very difficult for the interest in material studies and spiritual studies to coexist simultaneously.
Additionally, the devotees and devotee children mingle only with the devotees and other devotee children. So, if there is a brilliant student from non devotee circle, this devotee child does not get the direct assess of that brilliant student.
The devotee children mostly lack in social approach as they have only the restricted circle.
They have no or less access to the vibrant people just because they are not Krishna devotees.
That is why, I advise the readers to have some touch with the vibrant non devotees also and observe how they study, earn, etc. Learn from their good acts and avoid their unwanted acts.
(What is the punishment for the parents who desert their children? READ HERE!)
If we need to socialize, we should also observe what is happening around the world and learn from them.
If we mingle only with the devotees, we can become very good devotees. But, many devotees like their children to do well in studies also.
If so, they should balance the activities of children between spiritual and material studies.
Only a section of devotees concentrate in their children’s material studies sufficiently.
When the brain is involved more in the mythological, spiritual and literary studies, its concentration will come down in the analytical studies such as Science, Mathematics, etc.
(Should I send my children to the Gurukuls to protect his devotion? READ HERE!)
This is the nature of our brain that is called Left and Right brain concept.
When the left brain is used more, the right brain becomes less efficient and vice versa.
That is why, many great scientists, mathematicians, etc do not show much interest in deeper spirituality. They will just trust the God, but, they may not go deeply into those concepts.
Spiritual studies and material studies are straight opposite in nature. One is contrary to another.
If the devotees have faith in my words, please trust the above facts given by me.
(Should the devotees avoid Radio and TV Programs? READ HERE!)
I am not a formal devotee who hides things to uphold spirituality.
If you like to earn well and also like to shine in devotion, do not go deep in spiritual studies till you get a job. After that, ie, after the career settlement, you can involve in devotion as you like.
And, you should not give your child deeper concepts of devotion till he/ she finishes the studies and gets the job. He can chant a few rounds while studying. Slokas of Bhagavad Gita can be memorized. Other things can be done after his/ her getting job.
In your son’s case, there is nothing to worry. He voluntarily chants Hare Krishna a round daily. That is good.
He spends 30 minutes daily to clean the lamp, apply oil and light it. How nice it is! It is very good.
He hears what you say.
He does not involve in any prohibited activities like going behind the girls or smoking or drinking.
(BALANCED DEVOTEE & BRAINWASHED DEVOTEE – DIFFERENCES! READ HERE!)
He just plays games in mobile. If they are harmless games, Let him play. This is the world of indoor and digital games. It is very difficult to prevent them.
This is the issue existing in 75% of the children all over the world.
Innumerable number of game apps, online and offline games are available to play now a days. The children are addicted to them.
They will stop it once they get job and get married. Now, they are in their childhood age.
Just tell him to play for one hour daily in free time. Not all the time.
If you totally stop, he may get agitated and he may get angry with you.
Instead of smoking, drinking and going behind the girls, this game is not that much serious. They are additive.. That’s all. But, they will be really entertaining for the children. No doubt in it.
(How marriage between Devotee and Non Devotee affects the children? READ HERE!)
In our childhood, we played so many outdoor and indoor games. Now, the children play virtual games.
Only the platform has changed. The purpose is only time pass either 100 years ago or now.
So, allow him to play decent games one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening. And, put the condition that he should study his syllabus after playing the game for one hour. If he agrees to your condition, you can allow him to play.
After he gets a job, he will stop these things as he will have the domination of other responsibilities and entertainments.
Never stop anything totally. Just restrict them and engage them in other productive activities also.
Hope you are clear.
(No Mating or Mating to get devotee children – Which is good for devotee couples? READ HERE!)