I FEEL GUILTY OF MAKING SHOW AS DEVOTEE. HOW TO CORRECT?
A girl devotee asked like this (Name hidden):
“I dnt use fb dese days .. n I have a lot of doubt’s.. I really need someone to help me prabhu.. I feel I am deviating frm my Krishna.
M deviating from my lord.. I can’t chant I can’t do anything for Krishna these days. Don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel my Krishna is just moving away from me. How much ever I try I am not able to concentrate. Pls help me. I don’t know why this is happening, I have not done any mistakes intentionally. Then why is this happening to me?? Pls help me tell me what to prabhu pls. Am so much worried.
Another thing is no one at home is a lord Krishna devotee.. My mother is a strong worshiper of lord Shiva. She now says I don’t have any bhakti towards anyone, and I am just showing off. I feel so worried when I hear all these. Even though my mind says me to chant to pray I can’t do it. Something is stopping me from everything. ;(
I appreciate your open admittance. Many devotees have this problem and they usually do not admit it. “Showing off” is happening here and there in devotee circles too. So, do not feel offended as you have been feeling for your present position. You have all the eligibility to become an advanced devotee because open admittance that we are pretending is a good sign of humbleness and self realization.
You are on the process of self and god realization. You are facing dilution now and then. Many devotees face such dilution in devotional interest because of many other pressures in life like studies, work, love affairs and problems in it, frustration seeing the materialistic world, or, doubt whether Krishna is really there and really the Supreme Lord.
(How to repent for our past illicit activities and sins? READ HERE!)
You may be affected by anyone or a few of these feelings. If you genuinely review yourself, you can identify it.
First identify why you feel as if making show as devotee.
Such guilt comes when we are honoured though we are not qualified.
If you feel guilt or making a show for this reason it is good do not worry. It shows your genuine heart.
I too have such a feel or guilt when I receive more respects from someone. Because I always consider myself as a last bench devotee and the unqualified devotee, I hesitated since the year 2011 to show my face in any media.
A devotee should fear for popularity and fame because they will pull us from serious devotion.
Ok why are you not able to show full interest in Krishna that leads to guilt of making show as devotee?
(I am going away from other gods after worshiping Krishna. I feel guilty. Help me! READ HERE!)
Let us analyse the causes:
Do you fail to eat daily? Do you fail to urinate and pass stool daily? Do you miss to bath daily? Do you miss to watch TV daily?
Never. Then, why there is dilution in Krishna?
Because He is invisible to eyes? If you do not urinate for a single day, you will die. If you do not eat for a few days, you will die.
But, Krishna will not kill you though you do not think of Him even throughout your life. Instead, He will give you another opportunity of human birth to make you think of Him.
He is that much merciful.
(WHY SHOULD WE AVOID ONION AND GARLIC SINCE IT MAKES ME GUILTY? READ HERE!)
So, you are showing interest only in the compelling activities and thoughts. Since Krishna is not compelling you, but is kindly allowing you to use your freewill, you give less importance to Him in life.
If you get all other material opulence, they will not bring Krishna to you.
But, if you bring Krishna in your
heart strongly, all other opulence will automatically come to you.
So, you need to have 100% faith that Krishna exists and He is forgiving us for not thinking of or reciprocating Him. We should not miss that generous person who is waiting to uplift us and who do not punish us for not thinking of or reciprocating Him.
If you steal some amount from your father’s pocket, but he finds it later and goes silently without asking you even a single question, how will you feel?
You will love Him abundantly. You will feel guilty.
Similarly, Krishna is bearing all our mistakes and offences and is giving us more and more chances to come to Him.
(My sister gets angry for everything after following Krishna. What to do? READ HERE)
So, Should we fail to think and Serve Him seriously in life?
So, this is the time to review yourself. First believe that Krishna is existing and is closely watching you. Then, follow sincere chanting of His holy names from heart.
Always honour only Krishna prasadam. Offer daily worships. Speak more about Him and read the books related to Krishna more. Involve in more sathsangha with the devotees in temples.
Thus, you can always keep Krishna in mind. Remember, faith is the prime requirement.
After coming to this stage you will not feel guilty of making show as devotee.
All the best.
(I am oscillating between Krishna Consciousness and unavoidable problems that makes me guilty. Help me! READ HERE!)