Is a Girl devotee proposing a male devotee on her own right? Tips!
A girl devotee “…………….Devi Dasi” requested like this:
“Hare krishna dandwats i had read your counselling that u give to that mataji who love a boy for 4 years and the boy refuses. i also have similar problem but the difference is the person i m attracted to and i both are initiated when i met him i was influenced by his devotion. He has interest in kirtana and mine in deity worship and hearing lectures but during this ……… and …………….. tours, attraction increased. From deep inside my heart, i know i m not suitable for him because he is 11 years elder then me and very polite and mature. I always think of a husband who is very strong in devotion and uplift me when i fall . I increase my no. Of rounds and start learning brahma samhita for him. i just dream of K.C family. Somewhere i had decided that i will not reveal my feelings but this affected my health i developed lack of sleep. So, in order to overcome this problem, i wrote him a message regarding marriage and how he uplift me in increasing no of rounds. But he blocked me . Then i told this to my father. He message him for apology. And prabhuji does not tell anything to anyone. But my problem is even though i don’t meet him, still i have feelings that i will get him as my husband. Because one day i was standing in front of Radha Krishna pic revealing my heart and suddenly a msg of that prabhuji came to my father phone . In that msg, a devotee ask lord krishna “u don’t fulfill my desires at the time when i demand” and lord replies “i even don’t punish u for the sin at time u commit it”. So i m very much confused what is the indication of Krishna. Kindly help me to resolve this problem. Hare krishna prabhuji.pls dont reveal my name”
REPLY:
Your problem in short is: You developed single side love with another initiated devotee. When both of u went in a group tour to …….. & …….., your love increased as both of you got chances to interact during long tour. When you expressed your love through message, he blocked you. You felt some indications while praying about a message he sent to your dad.
Ok, Both of you are initiated to a guru. But, he seems to have matured. But, you are still like an innocent child.
(What to do if a Girl-Boy love breaks after one becomes a devotee? READ HERE!)
A Girl devotee proposing a male devotee on her own is mostly risky and may not be welcomed by the males.
I have always a second thought about these spiritual tours organized by the temples. Usually, they take both the males and females together. This is wrong. If they like to organize the tours, they should arrange separate tours for males and females guided by male devotees and female devotees separately.
Because, I myself have seen four couples who started to love during these tours. So, the temples should hear the request of this insignificant devotee who is significantly experienced. Matches should be made in a proper way through match making services of the temples or through the parents.
When males and females interact freely, these things happen. Someone loves another but that another does not love this one. So, problems arise. If the love succeeds, they unite. or, they feel.
This happens not only in the outside material world, but also in spiritual sathsanghas silently that I am witnessing. I do not find any difference between the material groups and spiritual groups because both give opportunities for the girls and boys to interact and love. So, it is good to arrange for separate tours for males and females.
This must be addressed by the temples without doubting my opinions because I never speak unnecessarily.
In your case, that male devotee might have cordially talked to you as a co-devotee. He should have avoided excessive speeches and giving importance for you. If a male devotee treats every girl as ONE AMONG HUNDREDS, no girl will dare to love him. Only when he gives importance or give special treatment for any single girl devotee, she feels something remarkable and starts to think of him more that mostly becomes love affair.
(Why Krishna gives failures in career, Love, etc., if we are His children? READ HERE!)
I too have so far received a few messages in which a few girl devotees had written that they love me and like to marry me if I am available. I replied them like this:
“All the 1000s of girl devotees in this media are the same for me and I have been repeatedly telling that I am the Anna (brother) for the devotees. I am a person who is promoting this media ONLY for serving Krishna and I have never spoken or messaged inducing any single girl. I treat all equally without disturbing them. A male devotee may be a brahmachari or a married man. He may even need a girl to marry. But, he should not serve Krishna to get a girl for him. His motive should be to serve Krishna. He should not disturb any girl while serving Krishna. If he is destined to marry, he will be shown a girl by Krishna. He should not try for a girl while preaching. I too am doing so. I am a full time freelance servant of Krishna and I have dedicated my whole life for the service of Krishna. So, treat me as your brotherly spiritual guide. All the best”
Thus, some girls may develop some interest even without knowing the preferences of the opposite person. That is why, I NEVER SPEAK ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE except the topics related to my trouble shootings in life and spiritual experiences.
Only because I am following this self made ethics, I could develop a beautiful sathsangha like this with a solid team of dedicated devotees who just trust me for my principles and ethics!
So, a male devotee has to be very careful in performing the spiritual/ devotional service without giving space for personal preferences. If a devotee uses Spirituality for fulfilling his personal desires, the Lord will severely punish him and take him to the corner of this earth and after death to the most serious hells.
(Is Horoscope matching necessary though a boy and girl love each other? READ HERE!)
Now, you have innocently loved him, but he does not. I have been writing in this media for the girls NOT TO Propose their love first because most of the males will not prefer that. Only if you know beyond doubts that the opponent too loves you surely, you should propose. Just because a male is speaking cordially and explaining Krishna nicely, you should not fall in love with him.
I like to tell why a Girl devotee proposing a male devotee on her own is risky. Read further:
MANY MALE DEVOTEES MAY SPEAK WELL TO THE GIRL DEVOTEES, BUT, MAY NOT HAVE COURAGE TO ACCEPT AND LIVE WITH A GIRL BEARING THE FAMILY BURDENS. BECAUSE, MANY OF THEM HAVE COME TO THE SPIRITUAL SERVICE FEARING FOR THE PAINS OF MATERIAL LIFE. SO, THEY MAY NOT PREFER MARRIED LIFE.
So, proposing a serious devotee may not be successful all the time because many of them may refuse to accept your offer. If a person loves a girl, he will definitely indicate and himself propose you or he will tell this to some other friend. So, do not rush to propose any male devotee.
So, do not compel him to marry you. No male will lose a girl if he has an interest to marry a girl. If you compel him, he may take you wrong.
What to do now?
Stop interacting with him for one year. Just stop with a mild smile and leave the space and never glance at him in the temple. Wait for one year. If he reviews himself and starts to consider you, he himself will come to you and propose.
If he does not propose you within one year, as a good girl, relax and marry another initiated devotee who has a real interest in marriage.
A brilliant girl will act like this only instead of longing for him. Be a wise girl, not like a child or an emotional girl. Throughout this one year, chant and follow the initiation rules without expectations.
If you are destined for him, he will come. If not, accept a boy who chooses you or your parents select for you.
Hope you are now clear about whether a Girl devotee proposing a male devotee on her own right or not.
(Giving up selfish Love and following selfless love for Krishna! Tips! READ HERE!)