How Detachment for wives possible as she has to develop a family?
Qn. In detail from a girl devotee(Name hidden):
Do we have to get rid of attachment in order to attain the lotus feet of Krishna Bhagavan? but prabhuji female who is born has to marry as entering brahmacharya is not welcomed for women. prbahuji do enlighten me which i should follow, either getting rid of attachment fully and focus in devotion or live a grahasta live as i was born as an ordinary woman and not from brahmin or from a sage’s family. i am very much confused with this..
Yes…Detachment for wives is difficult as they have been entrusted with many responsibilities in a family. That is why, our scriptures have not fixed tough sadhanas, yagas, yajnas, etc., for women. If the wives help their husbands in their sadhanas, it will bring the same benefits derived by their husbands.
However, detachment is the quality that every devotee has to develop because, without material detachment, attachment with Krishna, ie, Prema Bhakti is not possible.
(If everyone follows detachment, How the Population will grow on earth? READ HERE!)
Prema Bhakti is possible only when we TOTALLY SURRENDER to Krishna and see Krishna everywhere. Such total surrender can not be achieved if they have even a trace of material attachment.
The Detachment for wives is also possible .
Ok, Why can’t a wife remain detached in family life?
It is possible.
In fact, if a wife remain detached, that entire family will remain materially detached.
Many people are unable to differentiate between DUTIFUL LIFE AND ATTAHED LIFE.
Just because a person is performing his assigned duties perfectly, we should not consider him attached materially.
(How to deal with the Material Attachment, Detachment & Devotee Association? READ HERE!)
In other words, one can perform all his assigned duties even if he decides to lead a materially detached life.
Detachment means VERY SIMPLE as given below –
(i) Not considering the material things and relations as permanent and coming with us for many generations;
(ii) Having the stability of mind to bear if any material or person parts us.
(iii) Not crying for the loss and not jumping in joy in gains; In general, NOT getting affected by the twins of the material life (eg: happiness and sorrows; ups and downs; loss or gains; good and bad, etc);
(I am unable to follow devotion and develop detachment from family because of my physical and mental illness. What to do? READ HERE!)
(iv) Not expecting that the life should go in a particular way as expected by you;
(v) Treating all the events of life including the miseries of life as the will of God to reduce our karma and we need not feel the ownership for anything and any event.
That’s all. This is called detachment. Not running to forests leaving everyone, but, you can follow detachment even when you are with the family members.
Because, Material Detachment is related to Mindset, not the bodily relations.
If a wife leads her married life with this mindset and maturity, she is leading a married life with detachment.
(I get irritated frequently though I am an initiated girl devotee. What to do? READ HERE!)
Marry a boy after selecting a right match for you (You can check the match by this site admin HERE even from home). Discuss with him about your preferences in life even before marriage.
Even while entering into marriage life, take a resolution that you will follow a devotional way of life for Krishna. Treat this marriage life as an opportunity to serve Krishna. To ensure this, you have to discuss with the husband even before marriage frankly and get his assurance for his cooperation.
After marriage, just perform all the household duties and job as if it is your duty and an opportunity given by Lord, and not for pride and fame.
Never hate husband or any in laws. Just respect them without expecting that those relations are permanent.
(My husband does not co-operate in my devotional practices! What to do? READ HERE!)
Everyday, chant sincerely as much as possible and remain in the thoughts of Krishna all the day while performing household duties. Cook anything for Krishna and honour only prasadam.
Cultivate your children as devotees. Take care of in laws dutifully. Be cheerful and merciful in life. Help everyone in need without expecting any returns or appreciations. Read about Krishna in every minute free time you get every day.
While leading your family life in this manner, do not consider that these relations are eternal. Just consider that they are the relatives for this body in this birth. These relations will cease to end when we or they die. Therefore, we should not develop too much of expectations from them.
Detachment for wives in family life means not hating others. We should love others and show our mercy on others. But, since these relations, friendships and associations are just till we live in this body, we should live with them without any expectations.
Thus, just performing our duties and remaining materially dettached is possible in family life. By performing the devotion to Lord, you can make your life more perfect and use this life to go back to Krishna.
Hope this helps to learn Detachment for wives in family life.
(The right process of sanyasa and devotion in kaliyuga in the absence of varnashrama dharma! READ HERE!)