Should a girl marry a boy who prefers Krishna, not her?
A girl devotee who requested anonymity asked like this:
“I regularly chant 16 rounds. N follow 4 regulative principles as far as possible. I m trying my best to please krishna n prabhupada.
The thing is im still studying n im in love with a guy who is a devotee. Im very thankful for krishna for great mercy on me by blessing me a devotee person as my love where I can improve myself in kc by their guide lines. Even he loves me a lot….He is too dedicated towards his work n service. Im really blessed to hav such person in my life.
But the problem is I stay in such surroundings where material influence is more. Where I see my frnds being with their lover so happy together always. But in my case v rarely meet, n even daily contact is very less as he is more dedicated towards his work n service. I knw krishnas service is more important but yet as im also a gal who expect few thgs frm her guy like little time as I knw I cant expect more as other gals in out side world. Yet atleast 2 hours a day but he rarely find time to text me or call me as he love his work more than anythg.
N he usually dont understnd a gal inner feelings n suitation until I myself explain it. But there r few thgs which I can’t express like asking time for me or caring me etc. Where I feel I shld not expect any more thgs frm him n sacrifise thgs n dreams I had towards my love life n lead the life as it comes.
It is wrong to expect time, care etc frm a devotee guy (love)??? Shld I hav to sacrifise all my wishes towards my love life. ??? Shld I hav to be the same till end of my life to keep him happy ????
Plssss help me prabhu wht shld I do… ??? Sometimes I feel pain thinking of all this. Where im happy tht I hav got a devotee person but the other side I feel sad for not getting a normal love life. Where some times I feel I shld not get married to him as I may disturb him in his work. N also I cant get married to any one else than him.
Pls help im to confused in life dont knw wht to be done. Hare krishna.”
REPLY:
Yes….You have to sacrifice many of your own preferences if you marry a good devotee.
There are 3 types in devotees. Out of them, Kanishta adhikaris are starting level devotees. If you marry this kanishta adhikari, he will be normal in sex life and he will not bother much about rules and regulations. He will respond to all your feelings and expectations. Because he has just come to devotion and he likes Krishna. Thats all.
READ HERE ABOUT THREE CLASSES OF DEVOTEES!
If he advance to the stage of madhyama adhikari stage before/after marriage, he will concentrate more in devotional service only. So, the wife should be prepared to sacrifice some of her feelings according to his schedules.
Next stage Madhyama adhikari devotees. They will dedicate more in Lord’s service. They usually take initiation also. So, there are certain rules for initiated devotees. They should not involve in uncontrolled sex life and they have to avoid food that induce feelings and they have to spare more attention towards Lord. In general, Once you involve in Krishna’s service, you gradually lose interest in material activities. So, a wife should be prepared to this factor. Her husband may be involved more in physical relations before taking initiation. But, he may reduce that after taking initiation. So, a wife should be prepared to accept this.
UTTAMA ADHIKARI DEVOTEES WILL SEE kRISHNA HIMSELF EVEN IN HIS WIFE. So, no trace of any material attachments in their case.
That is why, it is advised to marry the devotee of similar spiritual standing. If an initiated devotee following rules marry another initiated devotee who is following rules, they can adjust with each other. Because, both of them will follow rules. So, no disappointments.
So, keep in mind. For a sincere devotee husband, ONLY KRISHNA is the primary member in his family. Wife is a servant of lord like him. He expects that she too has to sacrifice something like him for the sake of pleasing Lord. He loves his wife, no doubt, but, that wife should not expect same type of love/ glamour coated dialogues from her devotee husband like material husbands do.
Material husbands would say: “Hey dear…If you die, I too will die”
Devotee husbands would say: “Hare Krishna. We are bound by karma. Everyone will have to die one day. So, I will take it as the rule of the land of Lord”
Hearing this, a wife should not feel whether he is loving her or not. He loves her. But, HE IS A SELF REALIZED HUSBAND. So, he takes every happening as the wish of lord. So, the wife should not expect mesmorizing sweet words about you from husband. A good devotee will be happy when he is engaged in serving the Lord. Similarly, she should not expect that her husband should spend more hours in the bed room. Because, he has more duties for Lord.
Then, what is the benefit of marrying a matured devotee?
Materialistic husbands have the risk of drinking, smoking, illicit relations, etc…So, a wife will always be facing some kind of problems from the society because of the bad activity of her husband.
But, the wife of a devotee husband will always be free, blissful, and happy. Because, her husband will be satvik and will not have illicit affairs with women. He will not smoke or drink. So, no bad odour or ill repute from husband. He will take only prasadam of satvic food. So, no aggression and hence, no quarrels.
The material husbands will take you to the path of repeated further births. The devotee husbands will take you to the path of going back to Krishna.
So, for a girl it is safe to marry a MATURED DEVOTEE BOY. Remember, he must be following all vaishnava rules. In case of starting level devotees, wait and decide. Even in the case of initiated devotees, do ensure that he is following the rules strictly. If he is following rules and also very satvic in speech and approach, marry him.
In case a devotee boy is unnecessarily and privately speaking mundane things with other girls violating the vaishnava rules, do not marry him. He is more dangerous than marrying a material husband.
Marry only a sincere devotee who gives importance to Lord. Though he does not spend much time with you, as he loves Lord much, he will not involve in sinful acts that is a big relief for you.
There is an idea for you to be always with your husband: You too involve in the same service done by your would be/ husband. Now, both of you can serve lord together as a team. Thus, you can be with Lord as well as your husband all the 24 hours.
Wonderful idea. Isn’t it?
So, be happy to marry such a wonderful boy, and based on your message, I give 100% of marks to that boy who loves Lord more than you. He is the right person to marry. Only thing is, you too should involve in the same service along with him.
Are you ready? If yes, marry him. Or, if you like to be always praised by your husband, marry some other boy who is much interested in materialistic love.
This is my balanced advice for you.