Is treating opposite gender as Sibling too an act of attachment?
A male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
Hare krishna prabuji… As u say attachment with material thing and any person is obstacle of K.C. I have some friends they are girls and i’ve make 1/2 sisters sometimes I contact them through fb chats and mobile they also treat me as their own brother ..so do I because i’ve no any sister and i always wanted that … Do I have to leave contact them and other friends in order to get rid of attachment?? I like pretty much the way you counsel our question/problems and they are really inspiring and booster in KC, … Its my humble request and hope that you will make me satisfy with your counsel !!
He He… First, I like to state that a Sister by birth may not be equal to the sister ‘acquired’ from outer circle.
Because, the sister by birth IS A COMMITMENT…..DEFINITE COMMITMENT. As a brother, you have the obligation of protecting your sister and give her in marriage compulsorily. Brother and sister can live in the same house. MOSTLY, No chance for contamination in brother sister relation by birth.
But, Acquired brother – sister relation is still risky as you may have to separate her any time. If your own sister gets married, you can visit her husband’s house and stay there as many days as possible with your sister. Her husband will be happy to see you there and your sister too can treat you well for all the days. You can chat with your sister in person even throughout the night alone.
Think of acquired brother-sister relations. Can you visit her husband’s house and stay there for days and chat with her overnight? Her husband will fire you and ask his wife to reduce the relations with boys though they are LIKE brothers.
So, do not pass dialogues like BROTHER , SISTER, etc…in this kaliyuga. Our scriptures advise EVEN THE FATHER NOT TO TOUCH HIS DAUGHTER UNNECSSARILY ONCE SHE ATTAINS THE AGE OF 8. Because, father is a male. Daughter is a female. So, scriptures put restrictions even for a father. Because, our rishis are very very experienced and advanced people in deeper vision and intelligent people also.
Only because we do not follow scriptures’ advices, now a days, there are incests (relations within family) happening even in India. The mind of many people in kaliyuga is like a monkey. It will be silent till it gets an opportunity. When such weak persons get an opportunity or privacy, they tend to exploit the opponent.
So, whether brother-sister, father-daughter, let it be, our scriptures have been very strict in interaction between males and females in general.
Now a days, I have seen many youth who first start discussions with opposite sex as FRIENDS and tell the world that they are FRIENDS, but, later one day declare that their friendship has blossomed as love and now they are lovers. What nonsense of blossom? This shows that they use the word FRIEND as an opportunity to start a conversation with the opposite sexes. Then after becoming close with them, they declare as lovers.
I have been seeing such nonsense everywhere now a days. I too have seen a girl in my age of 15 that she approached me as a friend first and then asked about my personal details. When I asked why she asks for those details, she replied that she likes me much. I stopped talking to her afterwards.
So, let us not fool ourselves developing new and new relations like brothers, sisters, friends, well wishers, closest friends, sister like friends, brother like friends, etc..etc. You already have your father, mother, brother, sister in your family. Love them. If you get a wife in future, love her.
What about others?
Treat others as well wishers but WITH A DISTANCE. Never go close with any opposite sex except your spouse. Take care of your own family people. If others ask any help, help them without expecting any return from them.
I am not against interaction between opposite sexes. But, it should be with a distance. You should not be affected by their separation and you should not get elated with their presence. Only if you are like this, you can be safe. Otherwise, you are attached with many people and their actions will affect you. This will prevent your concentration in Krishna Consciousness. If any girl friend, or this so called acquired sister stops talking to you, you will cry for a few days and for those few days, you will stop chanting. So, the net result is the reduction in the concentration in devotion.
So, mingle with the opposite sex limitedly. Storm may come any time in relations. Our life time is limited. In this short life span, we do not have enough time to even take care of our own kiths and kins. Then, why do you go for many external relations?
Even in temples, we must mingle other women devotees with limits as our objective is to please the lord. If any devotee asks help, just help them and leave. Do not expect to speak to her again and again.
I am not old fashioned. But, I have been seeing crimes everywhere because of too much of interactions between opposite sexes. If a boy speaks with other girls ONLY NECESSARILY, he is the happiest person in this world. If any boy mingles with other girls beyond a limit, he will be the most confused person.
This is my conclusion whether you accept it or not. If a boy or girl does not accept this, the time and experience will teach everything to him/ her.
This does not mean, we should hate opposite sex. No. We should love them. Not other kind of love. This love is pure without even a trace of expectations. If you can remain like this, you can love all the 400+ crores of women / men in this world. Nothing wrong in loving all others without expectations. But, it needs more and more maturity and determinations.