Will treating opposite gender as Sibling also lead to attachment?
A male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
Hare krishna prabuji… As u say attachment with material thing and any person is obstacle of K.C. I have some friends they are girls and i’ve make 1/2 sisters sometimes I contact them through fb chats and mobile they also treat me as their own brother ..so do I because i’ve no any sister and i always wanted that … Do I have to leave contact them and other friends in order to get rid of attachment?? I like pretty much the way you counsel our question/problems and they are really inspiring and booster in KC, … Its my humble request and hope that you will make me satisfy with your counsel !!
REPLY:
First, I like to state that a Sister by birth may not be equal to the sister ‘acquired’ from outer circle. So, treating opposite gender as Sibling also can lead to attachment.
Attachment is possible in all relationships and friendships also.
Ha Ha, attachment is possible even with the enemies. Negative attachment in the form of anger, vengeance, etc.
The sister by birth IS A COMMITMENT…..DEFINITE COMMITMENT. As a brother, you have the obligation of protecting your sister and give her in marriage compulsorily. Brother and sister can live in the same house. MOSTLY, No chance for contamination in brother sister relation by birth.
(VIOLATIONS BETWEEN GIRLS AND BOYS – HOW TO AVOID IT? READ HERE!)
But, Acquired brother – sister relation is still risky as you may have to part her any time. If your own sister gets married, you can visit her husband’s house and stay there as many days as possible with your sister. Her husband will be happy to see you there and your sister too can treat you well for all the days. You can chat with your sister in person even throughout the night.
Think of the acquired brother-sister relations. Can you visit her husband’s house and stay there for days and chat with her overnight? Her husband will fire you and ask his wife to reduce the relations with boys though they are LIKE brothers.
So, do not pass dialogues like BROTHER , SISTER, etc…in this kaliyuga. Treating opposite gender as Sibling also can lead to attachment. Our scriptures advise EVEN THE FATHER NOT TO TOUCH HIS DAUGHTER UNNECSSARILY ONCE SHE ATTAINS THE AGE OF 8. Because, father is a male. Daughter is a female. So, scriptures put restrictions even for a father. Because, our rishis are well experienced persons having deeper divine vision and they were intelligent people also.
(Correcting Small Violation of Good Conduct with a woman devotee! Tips! READ HERE!)
Only because we do not follow scriptures’ advices, now a days, there are violations within family happening even in India. The mind of many people in kaliyuga is like a monkey. It will be silent till it gets an opportunity. When such weak persons get an opportunity in privacy, they tend to exploit the opponent.
So, whether brother-sister, father-daughter, let it be, our scriptures have been very strict in interaction between males and females in general.
Now a days, I have seen many youth who first start discussions with opposite gender as FRIENDS and tell the world that they are FRIENDS, but, later one day declare that their friendship has ‘blossomed’ as love and now they are lovers. What nonsense of ‘blossom’? This shows that they use the word FRIEND as an opportunity to start a conversation with the opposite gender of persons. Then after becoming close with them, they declare themselves lovers.
I have been seeing such nonsense everywhere now a days. I too have seen girls since my age of 15 who approached me as friends first and then asked about my personal details. When I asked why they ask for those details, they replied that they like me much. I stopped talking to them afterwards more than a Hello.
So, let us not fool ourselves developing new and new relations like brothers, sisters, friends, well wishers, closest friends, sister like friends, brother like friends, etc., etc. You already have your father, mother, brother, sister in your family. Love them. If you get a wife in future, love her.
(Is being affectionate with Relatives attachment that leads to rebirth? READ HERE!)
What about others?
Treat others as sisters or mother but WITH A DISTANCE. Do not use these relations to go closer in relationships. Never go close with any opposite sex except your spouse. Take care of your own family people. If others ask any help, help them without expecting any return from them.
I am not against interaction between the persons of opposite gender. But, it should be with a distance. You should not be affected by their separation and you should not get elated with their presence. Only if you are like this, you can be safe. Otherwise, you are attached with many people and their actions will affect you. This will prevent your concentration in Krishna Consciousness. If any girl friend, or this so called ‘acquired sister’ stops talking to you, you may cry for a few days and for those few days, you may stop chanting. So, the net result is the less concentration in devotion.
So, mingle with the opposite sex with limits. Storm may come any time in relations. Our life time is limited. In this short life span, we do not have enough time to even take care of our own kith and kin. Then, why do you go for many external relations?
Even in the temples, we must mingle with other women devotees with limits as our objective is to please the lord. If any devotee asks help, just help them and leave. Do not expect to speak to her again and again.
(Is friendship between Girl & Boy devotees allowed in devotional life? READ HERE!)
I am not old fashioned. But, I have been seeing crimes and violations everywhere because of too much of interactions between opposite sexes. If a boy speaks with other girls only for the necessity, he is the happiest person in this world. If any boy mingles with other girls beyond a limit, he will be the most confused and disturbed person.
This is my conclusion whether you accept it or not. If a boy or girl does not accept this, the time and experience will teach everything to him/ her.
TAIL PIECE:
This does not mean, we should hate opposite sex. No. We should be kind to them. This kindness is pure without even a trace of expectations. If you can remain like this, you can be kind to all the 400+ crores of women / men in this world. Nothing wrong in interacting with others without expectations. But, it needs more and more maturity and determination.
So, on the safer side, be controlled in the relationships with the persons of opposite gender – whatever name you give for that relationship.
So, the reply for your question is: Treating opposite gender as Sibling also can lead to attachment like any other relationships.
What should be the Vaishnavas’ approach with women and others? READ HERE!