How to avoid negative thoughts about Krishna, devotees and temples?
A Girl devotee (Name hiden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna prabhuji , pranams I’m female student and I have come to krishna consciousness by god’s grace, I have been indulging in very dirty works, dirty talks, dirty words, sinful activity which I cannot even talk about, it’s very very shameful. Before 1and a half or 2 years I came to krishna consciousness and I have changed my behaviour. I felt very happy while performing seva of my bal gopal. I started loving Bal gopal as my child I have reformed my behaviour.
After some months maybe 1 or 2 or 3 I don’t remember, i started getting very bad thoughts which are affecting my devotional life, bad thoughts about God about devotees, I started ignoring those thoughts as I didn’t want to think of those thoughts and I started feeling guilty about those thoughts, I told Krishna that I’m not doing this wantedly, slowly i started developing more interest in bal gopal sewa and brought more vigrahas of bal gopal and slowly Bal Swaroop Radha rani , in middle i got attracted to material things like dirty movies, chocolates etc .
I made promises of no illicit sex no drugs and the rules of iskcon which I did not break till now except i started eating chocolate and broke that promise, i made a promise that I won’t touch phone n also broke that promise. From a few months I’m getting very very dirty thoughts , I’m looking innapropriately to devotees and God even though I don’t want to be like that, I have a mental problem called ocd which is making my life a living hell. I’m crying daily because of these thoughts because of guilt, these thoughts are making me commit vaishnava apardha, my entire devotional life is almost gone and i have no one to take shelter of.
I guess from my heart i really don’t want to make these mistakes , i just want to be with my Radha Krishna happily doing their seva , happily chanting . These offences have removed all my bhakti and I’m suffering a lot now . Now I gave many of my bal gopals to isckon temple , I get bad thoughts , I also get thoughts like , tell to the devotees this is good for health or this is bad for health or I am harming their health . I feel guilty daily and i cry daily . I went to a physcologist too . But nothing is working plsssss help me prabhuji , Sometimes i used to get pride n offensive thoughts bcos of my beast like mind but I always ignored them . Plsss help prabhuji”
REPLY:
These types of offensive thoughts are natural during the initial days of devotion or when your dedication is insufficient or when your material attachment is more or when you have some mind related disturbances.
As you have written, you have mind related OCD issues. So, I understand that you don’t have stable mind to think steadily on anything.
In spite of this mind instability, you have developed the interest in Krishna.
(How to avoid Negative thoughts while chanting? Causes & Solution! READ HERE!)
Though your mind sometimes go for dirty thoughts about the devotees and Krishna, you say that you are not doing it willingly, but your mind thinks without your intentions.
See, the offenses done by those who have some psychological problems are forgivable since they do so because of weak mind.
It is believed that a person attains sufficient thinking and decision making maturity only after his age 17. That is why, in the countries’ laws, the crimes done by the juniors below 18 are not punishable. They are sent to the Juvenile homes to give chance to correct their violating mentality.
If the crimes by Juniors are not severely punishable, but are sent for rehabilitation, what to say about the offenses done by those who have some psychological issues?
Since their mind is not stable, they may think in multiple ways simultaneously.
For example, they may attend the aratis in the temples and at the same time, find the fault with that Pujari who offer the aratis.
They may honour Krishna Prasadam, but may accuse the cooking devotees who cooked that food.
They may get all the benefits from the govt, but they will be accusing the govt.
Thus, they may have some negative mindset and at the same time may use the system for their full benefit.
These negative thoughts may lead to some offenses, but, in your case, it is forgivable.
But, don’t take it granted.
Take sufficient treatment and keep your psychology still better.
(Losing trust on Krishna during difficult times! Solutions! READ HERE!)
And, just decide that you should see this world only as the product of Krishna and hence it will be good and some issues can’t be avoided in any system.
No system in this material world can be perfect and every system may have some flaws.
So, finding fault is unnecessary and it will not solve any issue we have.
Just understand if every one of us decides to be as perfect as possible, we will be helping the society by being an example for others to get reformed.
So, you resolve to follow the devotion as nicely as possible. Some others will follow you.
The best service to the society is to be an example for others to follow.
Pray to the same Krishna to help you get stable mind and to avoid such negative thoughts.
Get a healthy devotee association and also undergo treatment.
Stop thinking more. Just think of Krishna and the sadhanas. If any other thoughts arise, just pull your mind from those thoughts. Avoid being free and always remain in the duties, sadhanas and sathsangha.
These collective steps can help you to avoid negative thoughts about Krishna, devotees and temples.
(Being unaffected by Negative Minded People! Tips for the devotees! READ HERE!)