Why people fear for death? Why should NOT we cry after the death of relatives?
A devotee who requested anonymity asked like this:
“Hare krishna prabhu ji.i wanted to ask u why people are scared of death. Second question. my dad just passed away 3 months ago. families n freinds tells me dat now dat my dad is dead and he cant remember me and he is not mine anymore n dat i should not think of him as it will make his journey difficult. i keep wondering where my dad would be. i know dis is a reality one has to accept, but i am lost without my father. i pray to krishanji n think of him everyday asking him to help me n he does. please tel me is it true dat i should miss my dad etc.
Also help me understand dat i am wrong in feelg if sumone close goes out partys da very next day of my dad goes. pls dnt disclose my name.hare krishna———–”
Your first question: Why people are scared of death?
Only if a person has material attachments, he will fear for death because of the following reasons:
(1) He will feel for the separation of all his kith and kin. He was living with them for the past 60-70 years. He cultivated his children since their birth. He had so many loveful sharings with his wife. He worries “If I die, what will my wife do? Who will console her? Can my children be safe in this society? I was protecting them so far. If I leave, whether they will be safe?” like that.
(2) He feels that he can’t control others hereafter. He is unable to give up his ego even at the time of death. He also feels that he can never see his kith and kins hereafter. He feels helpless as he can not extend his life time further. So, he is watching helplessly.
(3) He also fears for pains. Because, he was very active when he was young. His body co-operated for all his wishes. He was running behind girls, money, posts, praises, etc. His body co-operated for everything. But, he likes to do everything even now. But, his body does not co-operate with his desires. He is unable to even get up from bed. He has to pass excretions on bed itself. He need the help of a person even to eat and he is unable to take solid foods. Thus, he is struggling with so many inabilities.
(4) And, when the person (Soul) leaves his body, his body feels the pains of the bites of 1000s of scorpions. The sample pains has started in his body. This is the effect of taking soul through the messengers of yama . So, all these factors create pain in his body. So, he fears for the death.
However, if we follow Krishna Consciousness very dedicatedly, we will be taken from this body by the messengers of Lord Krishna, not of yama. So, we will not feel that pain and we will never take birth again in this painful material world. So, adopt the path of K.C seriously to escape from pains of death.
YOUR NEXT QUESTION: Why should NOT we think and cry for our relatives after their death?
Actually, when the soul leaves the body, it takes about one earth year to reach the YAMAPURI, ie, the world of Yama. Till that, the soul is taken by the yama’s servants using a temporary body. So, if we think of them and cry for them, they will not travel peacefully. And, we must allow them to settle in the world of ancestors peacefully. Instead of crying, we have to do all the rituals meant for the deceased souls engaging brahmanas that will reduce the pains of the jeevans who are travelling to Yamapuri. If we do the vedic rituals properly for the deceased people, the punishments for their past deeds will be reduced and he will be treated respectfully in the yamapuri. But, if we do not do the rituals properly, but are crying for them, they do not get any relaxations and hence their punishments will not be reduced. So, it is advised NOT TO CRY or worship keeping their pictures. It is in fact disturbing them.
So, just consult a vedic brahmana and do the rituals periodically and perform tharpana on every Amavasya. Every year offer them Srardha to them. These are enough. If you donate a cow to a genuine vedic brahmana, the soul of the deceased person will get major relief from punishments.
Instead of crying, chant Hare Krishna for the deceased soul because it will bring more blessings of Krishna for him and he will have good next birth.
YOUR LAST QUESTION: Yes. It is not advisable to go to parties and for happy occasions till the 13th day after the death of the deceased. The deceased soul will live in our house only for 12 days and only on 12 th day, the soul starts his journey towards Yamapuri. So, he will be watching all our wrong activities and crying helplessly as a soul with sukshma body. We should always be praying to Lord for the good status of the deceased person.
Hope these replies will help you.