How can a devotee girl protect herself from the Premarital relations?
QUESTION FROM A GIRL DEVOTEE (Name hidden):
Hare Krishna Prabhuji I was blessed child from the birth because from the birth my mother taught me some devotional practices which I used to follow. I was in 12th and scored 85% and didnt get admission in my favourite course and college. I was left all alone. My father incurred huge loss 3rd time. Due to which I had no choice but to do job and whatever I used to earn I used to give that amount to my parents so that they can get some help. My friends which I used to feel are my lives they left me and used to say bad words to me coz I was not in good college. My parents were about to get divorce even. Things were getting worst. I lost my faith in Krishna. I used to feel the time when I need Krishna most he left me and I was in depression for 2 years. Once I was reading bhagwad coz my muma wanted me to get out of depression. In anger and threw bhagwad. I was in relation with many guys and all of them used me and threw me though I not used to like these stuffs. I used to hate but I used to do in fear that they will leave me. One by one I got committed he used me threw me with whole heart I used to be sad. After some time I used to get committed to another guy. Like this I crossed my limits thrice. Am guilty coz of that. How can I repend for it properly. I feel I am impure and feel Krishna wont love me anymore. Moreover someone told me as per my horoscope I will stop trusting on god one day. Coz of which am mentally disturbed. I am mentally disturbed coz of all things happened with me. What should I do? Pls help me.
As far as the Premarital relations with the boys is concerned, you are the person whom to be accused for all the sufferings you face.
You have done foolish thing. They are some emotional and foolish girls. Though they are not sure whether that boy will marry them or not, they will have illicit relations with him or love him trusting their colourful words.. They do not use the intelligence given by Lord.
(If Krishna forgives sinners, what is the justice to the affected persons? READ HERE!)
If a girl is suffering in her family and feeling insecure, should she involve in Premarital relations with the boys?
Even if you had involved in Premarital relations for the first time, why did you do the same for three times?
This shows that you have used these Premarital relations as outlets to console yourself for your other sufferings.
Most of the women face some kinds of problems in their families. If all of them start to look for such a kind of outlets, what will happen?
First I like to tell anatomical and emotional aspects to understand why and how the girls lose themselves to a man though they know that it is wrong.
Among lovers/ boy or girl friends, somehow or other, they violate for the first time starting from the casual touches while loving. She allows them because she is already in some problems or it is just casual touch on hands/ shoulder/ face/ head, or hug. Some girls are attracted with the touch of the boy.
(How to repent for not following the Vows given to Guru? READ HERE!)
When some girls lose their control because they enjoy that touch, they fall deeply into Premarital relations because their senses induce them to enjoy the company of that man. Thus, they violate once. Then, they get courage. They think that they have done once and there is no wrong in doing again and the karma punishment will be the same (!!!). Thus, they expect that whenever they meet.
In some cases, some men are experts in handling the women. So, when they first have relations with girl friend, they try all their best so that girl starts to wonder the expertise of that man in having physical relations. So, she becomes a fan of the tricks and expertise shown by her boy friend. Because of his expertise in such things, that girl does not care though that man is a drink addict or women addict or abuser or beater. She becomes a fool who has compromised herself to a bad boy just because of his expertise in physical relations.
Thus, that girl becomes an addict to the such relations with her boy friend. She loses all her control and she loses her intelligence and starts to wait for her boy friend every time.
This is how even many grown-up girls lose themselves to the men. In many cases, the boys fool their girl friends/ lovers telling that they will marry them. Some foolish girls also believe that. If a girl or boy has certain planets in certain positions, they will definitely fall into the tricks of opposite sex.
Unless they catch Krishna who is the master of senses, they can’t control the senses.
(10 NICE TIPS TO AVOID ILLICIT AFFAIRS AS A REGULATIVE PRINCIPLE FOR KRISHNA DEVOTEES! READ HERE!)
But, the reality is that a boy will have interest in marrying his lover ONLY UNTIL SHE DOES NOT INVOLVE IN PHYSICAL RELATIONS WITH HIM. If they have physical relation once, all the secrets of that girl becomes open to him and hence, he loses his interest in marrying her. That is why many girls are cheated by boys after involving in sexual acts. So, a girl should never show her body to anyone and involve in Premarital relations with anyone before marriage.
Though they love anyone, they should not involve in touches and interactions. They should maintain dignity.
A BOY MAY LIKE TO ENJOY OTHER GIRLS BEFORE MARRIAGE, BUT, HE WILL PREFER ONLY A VIRGIN GIRL TO MARRY. This is the selfishness of many boys.
So, the girls should avoid Premarital relations with boys before marriage.
(How a boy and girl fall the victim of illicit violations. READ HERE!)
If a girl (or boy) is disturbed by senses, she (he) should marry earlier and involve seriously in devotional practices to regulate her (his) senses.
Why I am advising strongly against premarital relations? If a girl involve in such acts and then marry some other boy, he is not aware of that girl’s premarital relations before marriage. When a girl involve in premarital physical relations so many times, her hymen that acts as a door to the vaginal opening is heavily damaged. So, the husband may doubt that the girl would have had relations before marriage many times.
Of course, the hymen damage is possible even because of falling down, hard physical works and some other reasons. Premarital relations alone may not be reason for that. However, the men do not consider other reasons and hence they take only the premarital relations as the cause for hymen damage.
That is why, girls are repeatedly advised by me through this site NOT TO INVOLVE IN PHYSICAL RELATIONS BEFORE MARRIAGE. There can be no guarantee for marrying the same person with whom you involve in physical relations.
You should marry a boy arranged by your parents as early as possible. After that lead a controlled life.
(Can a devotee having past illicit violations get the mercy of Krishna? READ HERE!)
In case you like to remain without marriage and fully dedicate your life for devotional practices, it is also ok. But, you should lead a disciplined life without any physical relations further. This is very important.
You need not get angry on Krishna just because you had committed such acts in the past. Krishna is not the cause for your violations. It is you only.
This is the time to review yourself and make some resolutions in your life.
You need not feel guilty for your past mistakes because you have understood your mistakes. Everyone of us are committing some mistakes in our life. No one can claim that he has not done any mistakes in life. If he claims so, it will be a lie.
Most of the people are thinking of opposite sex atleast within mind. This itself is a violation. Therefore, no one can claim that he is 100% pure.
In your case, you have physically involved in such acts a few times. Now, you are feeling.
(If One involves in illicit relations as per karma, why it adds karma again? READ HERE!)
Just beg in front of Krishna’s deities in a temple and take a resolution that you will never involve in such acts in future and beg Him to forgive all your past offences and arrange an understanding husband for you.
If you wholeheartedly pray to Krishna, he will definitely forgive you.
If possible, accept a guru and get initiation from him. The power of your guru too can purify you from karma.
Importantly, be principled and controlled in your life in future. Follow the four regulative principles strictly hereafter.
Put your full faith in Krishna. Krishna will show His mercy only of you totally surrender to Him. Devotion with doubts will delay your purification.
Hope this helps.
(64 REGULATIVE PRINCIPLES FOR VAISHNAVAS FROM HARI BHAKTA VILASA! READ HERE!)
I BEG ALL THE GIRLS NOT TO INVOLVE IN PHYSICAL RELATIONS WITH ANYONE . IN CASE YOU HAD DONE SUCH ACTS IN THE PAST, STOP THAT FROM TODAY AND LEAD A DISCIPLINED LIFE AND BEG PARDON FROM KRISHNA FOR YOUR PAST LIFE STYLE AND ASSURE HIM THAT YOU WILL BE PERFECT IN FUTURE.
IF ANYONE TRIES TO HAVE PHYSICAL RELATIONS WITH YOU BEFORE MARRIAGE, DO NOT HESITATE TO DESERT HIM IMMEDIATELY AND PERMANENTLY THOUGH HE ‘ACTED’ AS YOUR SINCERE LOVER. IF HE IS A GOOD BOY, HE WILL NOT TRY FOR SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.
Then, you will be forgiven and the karmic effects will DRASTICALLY COME DOWN.
(What is the repentment for our past illicit activities? READ HERE!)