How love affairs affect Krishna Consciousness? How to avoid it?
Two devotees with the similar problem:
(1) A MALE DEVOTEE (Name hidden):
“Hare Krsna prabhuji. I need help. i am a engineering student and my devotional practices were very nicely going on chanting daily 12 rounds. i was going to increase them to daily 16 rounds also 4 principles and ekadashi fast and also main thing was i didn’t have any material desires. But i don’t know what happened. My rounds decreased. Also i my spiritual practices are now down to 0. Now all i do is fasting on ekadashi (I don’t even chant on ekadashi days i just keep fast. I know its of no use, ie, only fasting and not chanting on ekadashi) and follow 4 principles.
I think that in some time i will fall down from even this stage. Krsna has sent her in my life but i think that it is maya. Instead of always thinking of krsna i just simply think of her. What should i do prabhu i want to rise back again and get free from material desires and get attachment to krsna back what should i do. I would be very grateful to you if you like to help me Rise up again hare Krishna”
(2) A Girl devotee (Name hidden):
“Hare Krishna prabhuji. I’m really confused from my situation. I’m connected to Iskcon. Earlier I regularly used to chant 14 rounds. But once a boy told me that he loves me. I met him 4 year earlier. This year he told me. He cares me a lot and want to marry me. I also don’t have any problem with it. But due to this mind distraction, I can’t do my devotional practices properly. It disturbs me a lot. I would like to be a sincere and active devotee. I’m afraid to lose my activeness n awareness in bhakti. He don’t forbid me for this he supports me but I’m disturbed. Plz help n hide my name. Hare Krishna
REPLY:
Yes, Loving someone who is not interested in seriously following devotion definitely affects Krishna Consciousness and devotional way of life!
Let us see How love affairs affect Devotion and Krishna Consciousness. Though both the persons are the devotees of Krishna, the feeling & performance of love may give distraction from devotion in some cases.
If you are able to make your spouse a serious devotee or if you have chosen a devotee, you can escape from fall down from devotion. If the spouse is not ready to follow the devotional way of life like you, such relationship leads to your fall down from devotional way of life.
So, This should not be allowed blindly.
Such love affairs between two persons are for body & mind needs. Devotional practices & Love for Krishna are for you, ie, athma.
Therefore, your affair should not affect the devotion. You should be able to differentiate both the material love for a person and spiritual love for Krishna.
If a devotee sincerely loves Krishna for an eternjal bond with Him, he/ she will not allow the temporary material love affairs to affect his/ her devotional practices.
(Is the love of two devotees material or spiritual? READ HERE!)
If a devotee loves a non devotee, his/ her devotional life may be at risk. Because, the opponent will speak much on material matters and will induce the devotee more for sense gratification. And, he/ she may not allow the spouse to follow devotion seriously.
At the same time, if two SINCERE devotees choose to marry each other, they will think about everything by being on the platform of devotion, cooperate with themselves and hence they can follow the devotional life & Sadhanas still better as couples. Since both of them are sincere devotees, they will choose a life partner decently seeing the opponent’s devotional standing. They will be careful to ensure that their devotional way of life should not be affected because of that boy or girl. They marry to serve the Lord along with the spouse. Such genuine choices need not be found fault because they have chosen each other to serve the Lord. It can be simply be called as marriage to serve the Lord better.
Such a love (choice) enhances their devotional involvement further.
However, for many devotees, love comes with the non devotees that affects their devotional practices. The reason is, they divert their attention to their lovers by discussing and involving in mundane matters, allowing their devotion to get liquidated / affected.
Not only devotion. In most of the students, their love affairs affect their concentration in studies also and hence they start to perform less in studies.
(I am unable to love Krishna, after I started to love a boy. What to do? READ HERE!)
Thus, you can understand that the love should be in a position to involve your mind more in devotion, not to divert the mind from devotion.
In fact, the devotion should make us matured to face any situation in a balanced manner. If the external factors like male-female attractions affect our devotion, that means, we are not strong in devotion
For the Girl:
In your case, he is acting from material platform and he has discussed material aspects more with you and hence your devotional practices have come down. He may not be a sincere devotee, but, a materialistic guy. That is why, you allow your devotion to get diverted.
(I love Krishna, but, I am unable to love the people of this world. What to do? READ HERE!)
For the Boy:
Even in the case of love (choice) between the devotees, the sincere devotees discuss more about how to serve Lord together and how to improve in devotion further. They do not discuss like the material lovers about the physical satisfaction of each other or about how to enjoy the life together. If the girl you love is a casual devotee, she too may drag you into material life. Love between two serious devotees will be favourable to follow devotion.
The devotees should be more intelligent and they should not act on emotional terms with the opposite sex.
Since you and he have acted with the domination of emotion, it has affected your chanting. Had you discussed more about Krishna and devotional practices with your loving person and friends, you would have developed more faith on Krishna and you would have increased your chanting rounds from 14 to 16 or more.
If you are chanting with the dedicated heart, the persons of opposite sex will not be able to attract you. You have allowed your emotions dominate your devotional practices. This is how love affairs affect Devotion and Krishna Consciousness. You should not allow the same.
Therefore, this is the time to act. Instead of wasting time on emotional bond of love with the materialistic persons, discuss with that person once about your way of life. Tell that person that you want your marriage life to enhance your devotion and not drag you back and he/she should help you in your devotional way of life and that person too should try sincerely to involve in devotional way of life.
Ask him / her whether he/she can do this for you.
(WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE, MERCY AND ATTACHMENT? READ HERE!)
If he agrees and promises, both of you discuss with your parents and connect in marriage as early as possible. This will put an end to all the oscillations and diversion of mind from devotion.
After marriage, both of you involve sincerely in devotion. This is very important.
You may have genuine reasons to postpone the marriage for some more period. But, both of you are students who have to shape your future using your studies and career. So, reduce the meetings and reduce the discussions over phone, and concentrate in devotional practices. Patiently & Decently wait till you attain the marriage age. Because too much of discussions even before marriage may liquidate the love between two and also the concentration in devotional practices.
Clearly discuss with him/her that you should be allowed to follow the devotional practices without getting affected.
Early marriage will put an end to all these disturbances. But, again I say, if you like to follow devotional life, never marry a person who does not seem to support and involve in your devotional way of life. This is a genuine desire and request for a devotee and the other person should accept this genuine and great request.
If that person is not ready to help you, he/she is not fit to marry a devotee. Let him/ her marry anyone else who can give all types of temporary enjoyments and face the severe reactions of his/ her past karma. You protect yourself from such unwanted diversions.
Hope you are now aware of how love affairs affect Devotion and Krishna Consciousness.
(How to love Krishna more than family and friends ? READ HERE!)