What if the father borrows habitually making children repay all?
A Girl devotee’s (Name hidden) helpless mail:
“Hare Krishna Prabhuji. I am sorry for disturbing you. Prabhuji I have often read that it is very important for kids to respect their parents. But, what if you have to parent your father since childhood. Idk why my father has a bad habit of borrowing money in lakhs from outside despite he knew he never returns and ultimately it’s us who suffer. He borrows money from unofficial sector. Not from banks but from people.
He first time did this before marriage. My grandparents forcefully married my parents and since my nanaji died her brothers didn’t enquired much and she is from very financially rich background so my grandparents thought now my mother’s family will make him settled. They tried but he was never interested in earning.
Eventually he again did blunder of Rs 2 lakhs in 2002 because of which my studies suffered alot. Despite I wanted help I never asked. Then same he did of Rs 3-4 lakhs when I was 18 years old and at that time I had to leave studies, did job to pay off his debts and now when I am of married age he has done blunder again of Rs 10 lakhs.
He has borrowed money from unofficial sector and even gave people his signed blank cheques. He didn’t inform us that he has opened bank account also. In 2002 all his bank accounts were closed and now he did all that again. Prabhuji in frustration I said wrong words to him that why you are ruining my life. I don’t have a stable career. I am struggling a lot. Now after all this, how can I think to get married when I know my parents don’t have a secure future? My father doesn’t earn. My muma and I earn. With our earnings everything is managed. My mother has inheritance but I want her to save her old age and I have younger sister too. I always get scared coz of my marriage they will get into trouble. My grandparents are very old. They only grew us, managed everything and also abused coz of father. But, prabhuji what should I do? I don’t want to burden my mumma with my marriage. Instead I want her to be secured and I want to focus on bhakti and job. Prabhuji pls guide me what should I do?”
REPLY:
Very pitiful situation for the wife and children – particularly for girl children.
Yes, such fathers, even a few mothers are there who give so much of pains to the children because of their foolishness or uncontrolled desires.
The drinking fathers too cause serious pain to their children. There are many fathers who drink and fall at the roadside and the people inform their family and his wife or children come and take that man back to home.
(If the parents object our devotion, how to follow it convincing them? READ JHERE!)
Such fathers even cause insecurity to their wives and children, particularly the daughters because the society will not respect that family though other members are genuine. Some persons may take extra advantage in the disguise of helping that family because the wives and children have to seek their help to bring the drunken & fallen husband to board the autos or cars and bring back to home.
Such drink addicts commit severe violations including sexual violations, murder, etc., when they are in intoxicated condition.
If the parents borrow beyond their capacity, they may not be able to repay that money. So, the lenders may come to the home and take extra advantage or atleast defame the family members publicly.
In my own past experience, my clear advice is to avoid borrowing for any cause. Because, life is changing day by day. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow. If you have less money, reduce your needs and expenditure. Plan according to the available money. Don’t borrow. It may cost your peace.
In your case, your father is addicted to borrowing. He seems to be irresponsible to the family. Only because he has good wife and children, his family is somehow managed.
In this situation, we should appreciate mother, you and sister who are protecting the family from fall down.
(Inherittance Rights of women in Indian Scriptures & Indian Law! READ HERE! )
These types of people will not change just with the advices. They need real experience of defamation atleast once.
You should stop clearing his unnecessary borrowings. Let him face the consequences atleast once. Only because you accept all his borrowings, he is continuing to do so. If he knows that there is no one to accept the loan further, he will stop borrowing.
You are postponing your marriage because of your father considering the insecurity of mother and sister.
This can be dealt by choosing a good boy who permits you to help your mother and sister even after marriage. There are many such boys who prefer good girls only, not the other things.
By living near your parents’ house with the husband, you can visit your parents’ house regularly and support them. If you try sincerely, you can get one such a boy who permits you to support your family even after marriage. Nothing is impossible in this world. Every problem also has solutions packed within it. Just you have to search for it.
Don’t avoid marriage just because of your father’s irresponsible nature. If you get married, mother will have partial relief because for a mother, the life of her children alone is important. She will be relieved if you are in your husband’s house than in your parent’s house.
I have seen such good boys who help his in laws like his own parents and also allow his wife to help her parents.
Even the husband of my eldest sister allowed my sister to get the other sisters married since my elder sister was working in Telecommunications dept and was having manageable earning. She did remarkable help to help other sisters married. You too can get such a nice husband.
(Is a Krishna devotee obliged to take care of parents as a son? READ HERE!)
Why should you lose such a good guy by fearing and skipping marriage?
So, instead of worrying for father, just develop your strength and stand on your own legs. Search for a good guy and discuss with him that he may have to allow her to support your family. Talk openly and frankly with him.
If he agrees to your genuine wish, marry him. After marriage, both of you switch to a house near to your parents’ house. Or take your parents near your house.
Do possible helps to them. This will give you some relief.
Stage by stage, reduce your support to him. When he has no one to support, he will start his reforms.
Mean time, pray to Krishna to give you strength to manage everything.
You can clear your karma by facing the issues like this.
You have good future if you follow my above advices.
Don’t waste time by postponing marriage for weak reasons.
Your father will change when his currnt dasa bukti period changes. For every person, there will be some kind of issues during negative dasa periods.
Time will change your father. Till that, follow non cooperation and also involve your relatives to guide him. Take him to a professional financial counsellor.
Also try for a good boy. Krishna will show the way.
Hope you are clear what to do if the father borrows habitually making children repay them.
Don’t worry. Best wishes!
(Practicing devotion having irresponsible & Lazy Parents? READ HERE!)