How can newly married devotees control their senses?
A Girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krsna. How to follow s…x only for procreation. Although I am not married but recently we have completed our ring ceremony this year we get married. We both work in a corporate company here my question is after marriage as husband and wife naturally attraction comes and how s…x for procreation is possibly for a newly married couple. Suppose conceive how abstain from s…x 1.5 year is it possible. Although one can’t happy by doing s….x everyday but after conceive how couple avoid 1.5 year. Please give suggestions”
REPLY:
You are asking: How can a newly married couple follow s…x only for getting child sa new attraction is natural.
The reason is simple and clear:
You first decide the Purpose of your life and also Purpose of marriage.
(Grahastha Rule of ONLY ONCE A MONTH relations and Childlessness! A Case Study! READ HERE!)
CATEGORY – 1:
(i) If you are serious about going back to Krishna at the end of this birth itself or at the earliest and (ii) if you have got initiated by a bonafide guru, it is compulsory to control sense gratification as only for procreation.
Is this Possible?
Yes, for this category of people, it is possible.
Because, this category of people hve only one goal in life – Serving Krishna and Going back to Krishna.
So, all other activities and steps taken by them are only to support their efforts to go back to Krishna. No other purposes.
They study and work to serve Krishna.
They take only Krishna Prasadam to be alive and serve Krishna.
They use instruments to serve Krishna.
Similarly, they use marriage and s…x in married life also to serve Krishna by getting children and to make them as the devotees of Krishna.
Thus, if your exclusive purpose of life is to serve Krishna and go back to Him at the earliest, you SHOULD restrict having s…x only for procreation purposes.
(LEADING GRAHASTHA LIFE PROPERLY FOR DEVOTEES! 12 RULES! READ HERE!)
In your case, S…x is not primary. It is just a tool to give new devotees to Krishna by getting children.
If you have no restrictions to get as many children as possible and make them devotees of Krishna, you can mate even 100 times and get children as said by Srila Prabhupada.
These instructions or advices to restrict mating only for procreation is only for those who have real and sincere goal of serving the Lord and going back to Him at the earliest.
One thing is to be noted. To follow this restriction of having mating only for procreation, one needs the right understanding and the cooperation of spouse also.
Only if both the husband and wife have understood the purpose of such advices, they can follow them in their married life without misunderstanding between them.
So, now evaluate whether you are such a candidate to be included in this first category devotee who has the urge to serve and go back to Krishna.
If yes, marry a devotee boy who also wishes to follow such advices sincerely.
(Is Grahastha life Impure & Inferior? Can a Grahastha go back to Krishna? READ HERE!)
If No, follow such advices after you convince your husband for that and make him understand why such restrictions are necessary.
CATEGORY -2:
These devotees have liking for Krishna, but are not ready for strict rules and regulations.
Because, they may have some goals and desires relted to material success and status also.
They may not be ready to lose the temporary pleasures given by that mating activity.
They consider the children as the byproduct of such mating activity.
They do not mate to create devotee children. Instead, they mate to get some pleasures from them.
They are answering their senses by giving the pleasures that their senses expect.
They have weak strength or desire to control or engage their senses in the service of Krishna to regulate them.
They think how they can give up that pleasure for which the whole world is targeting and movie makers are taking movies, even country leaders involving in such activities. They think why they should lose that pleasure.
(PROS AND CONS OF BRAHMACHARYA AND GRAHASTHA (MARRIED) LIVES! READ HERE!)
If they apply their intelligence, they can convince themselves that these pleasures are just temporary and follow pains.
But, their inner desire will not give them courage to say no to those pleasures.
CONCLUSION:
If you fall under the category -1, restrict the mating only for procreation. If you follow the sadhanas and take as much association as possible and read about Krishna, you can definitely regulate your senses. You will not consider restrictions difficult even for years after getting child as said by you. Mating is not the pririty activity for you except for getting children.
If you are under category -2 or of any other stage, marry, act as expected by your husband and stage by stage control the senses by talking to husband nicely and making him also a serious devotee.
Though you are unable to follow these advices immediately aafter marriage, atleast keep them in mind and follow them stage by stage after a certain period of marriage.
Best wishes.
(No Mating or Mating to get devotee children – Which is good for devotee couples? READ HERE!)