Can a Girl avoid marriage to financially support her parents?
A girl devotee who requested anonymity asked like this:
“Prabuji I want to ask u one dbt,plz rply to me as a msg, I’m 25yrs old nw and I’m a bsc nurse frm a mdle cls family, My drm is to make some mny and to help my family and to do smthng to scty as I can, as I knw d diflts of chldrn who don’t hve mny to stdy. My fthr strgld a lot to edct me and my str. The pblm is my rltvs r forcing me 2 get mar’d and I don’t want it now.I don’t hv any affr .I’m not able 2 tk a dcsn nw, plz hlp me…Prabuji I wil tke ur word as the word of krishna’s.”
REPLY:
All the devotees please avoid SMS language for writing the questions. I am weak in SMS language and I find difficult to understand. I feel like breaking my teeth with a hammer. Ha Ha..
(Is avoiding marriage thinking Krishna as husband right? READ HERE!)
Srila prabhupada has advised that women should marry. And, in my view and observation of society, only the following persons should remain unmarried all their life time:
(i) If they hate opposite sex. They should not marry unless they start to take opposite sex also like themselves with plus and minuses. If they marry while hating the opposite sex, their life will not be happy. Consider all as athma, in two different bodies.
(ii) Those whose character is alarming, ie, they have the passion of having relationship with many persons at the same time. If they marry a good girl/ boy, they are spoiling their life.
(iii) If anyone likes to dedicate themselves fully to spiritual service. Remember, Spiritual services can be done even as grahasthas. Many popular spiritual personalities have been grahasthas. Or, atleast they have once entered into grahastha ashram, though they left later. ONLY ADDICTION TO BODY IS CONDEMNED. IF YOU CONSIDER THE OPPOSITE SEX AS THE CREATIONS & PARTS OF KRISHNA, YOU CAN ACCEPT THEM AND PERFORM DEVOTION AS GRAHASTHAS. In case, they like to remain as brahmachari or sanyasi, there is ONLY ONE CONDITION: They should never think of opposite sex even within mind. If they are confident of this condition, they may remain as unmarried throughout life. If they do not marry, but, are thinking of opposite sex, they are fallen brahmacharis/ sanyasis. No immunity for them. So, instead of being so, they can accept a girl/ boy and lead a controlled life decently.
(Can the girls skip marriage to serve Krishna, Devotees & Parents? READ HERE!)
(iv) Being unmarried is not a crime or offence. It is allowed. No doubt. But, they muct follow the above conditions. That is must.
(v) Those who have karma to remain unmarried may chose to be so. But, still, follow the above rules. This karma is reflected in their horoscope.
So, my advice again to all youth:
Do not unnecessarily hate opposite sex. Select them properly seeing their family background and spiritual inclination. After selecting , keep him/ her with a kind approach. A good devotee will not hate even a dog. Then why should he/ she hate a girl or boy?
They may ask: Do you guarentee that the life of that person will definitely be happy if he marries accepting your advices?
Yes, No guarentee. Problems are there even for sanyasis. No one is immune to problems. Unless we face problems, how can we clelar our karma? So, welcome problems, IF THEY COME NATURALLY AS PER KARMA.
In case a wife/ husband is UNCORRECTABLY & ADOMANTLY bad charactered (or) a liquor addict (or) a chain smoker that is unbearable, (or) extremely cruel like a psycho, then, I wholeheartedly support separation. No guilt is required.
However, if the spouse is an innoocent patient physically or psycologically, it is not good to part them. As they are good people, we must support them as we will get the mercy of Lord.
(BEING AFRAID OF MARRIAGE: CAUSES & THINGS TO DO! READ HERE!)
Now, your case.
You are an innocent girl who is willing to serve the family by sacreficing your age. Please do not do that. Girls must get married as earlier as possible. Then only they will get good husband. So, do not postpone your marriage if you get a good boy.
If you like to support your family, look for a boy who wholeheartedly permit you to support your parents and family both financially and morally. Marry him and support your family. There are many boys who have a broad mind to understand this genuine wish of a girl.
Even the husband of my elder sister allowed her to do anything to support our family as we lost our father when our family did not get settles down. Only because of her support after marriage, we came up. So, we consider her husband as the eldest son of our family.
Thus, there are good boys. look for them and marry. Girls will be beautiful only till a certain age. They become old very faster than males. So, marry earlier.
And accept the support of relatives whenever they help. if you are adament, they may withdraw from supporting your family. For marriage arrangements, the support of relatives is very helpful.
All the best.
(GUIDE FOR DEVOTEES: CAN GIRLS AVOID MARRIAGE AND STAY IN THE TEMPLES? A TEST FOR YOU! READ HERE!)