Should all devotees serve as temple brahmachari before marriage?
A Male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna Prabhu, I am ………. from ……….., 24, Earning well. (Please hide my identity Prabhu). I have been practicing krishna consciousness for the past 4 years. I am still not chanting 16 rounds but able to chant 4-5 rounds daily and trying to improve prabhu but able to follow all 4 regulative principles (except onion and garlic avoiding ).
My Question is Prabhu, Is it necessary to be in brahmachari ashram / or as a full time devotee / or get a training in temple (like for 6 months) before getting married to another devotee of equal devotional status?
(PROS AND CONS OF BRAHMACHARYA AND GRAHASTHA (MARRIED) LIVES! READ HERE!)
This question came in my mind because, Recently I saw many devotee friends, they joined in Brahmachari Ashram at nearby iskcon temple, we were together attending sunday satsanga past 1 year. Now they became full time devotees. Also many prabhujis who are now in family life, were once as brahmachari in their life.
I am not interested in joining Brahmachari ashram or as a full time devotee. Rather I (as well as my parents) am interested in Grihasta Ashram, by marrying a devotee of equal devotional status.
Is it possible in ISKCON to enter into grihasta ashram by not joining the temple as full time devotee or as a brahmacari? Or, what to do if some devotees force us to do so?
The service you are doing is very good prabhu. Your articles are very practical and completely followable. Keep doing this humble service prabhu.
Best Regards, Thank you in advance, Hare Krishna.”
REPLY:
The Points given by you are based on the Varnashrama dharma.
If one follows Varnashrama dharma, he can become a very responsible and disciplined person and he can follow devotion still nicely.
(Staying in temple as a full time brahmachari! Crystal Clear advice! READ HERE!)
HH Bhanu Swami Maharaj says in his lecture on Srimad-Bhagavatam 11.10.1 Chennai, March 19, 2025:
“They (Rules of Varanashrama) help you control your senses and control your mind. They help with the purity of body and purity of mind. They help create an occupation which is not disturbing. So, in this way the rules of the Varanashrama system act as an assistant to bhakti. They provide a favourable body and a favourable setting in society for developing the bhakti. So, we cannot avoid supporting our material body. So we can manufacture our own rules, that may or may not work or we can follow those rules of the Varanashrama system which are scriptural.”
This Varnashrama dharma recommends that one should practice Brahmacharya by being under guru and then get married to become a grahastha.
If brahmacharya is practiced by directly serving the guru or by serving in a temple, it is very good because you will be monitored and regulated by the guru or the authorities where you serve. So, it will be good to practice brahmacharya for a certain period in guru’s ashram or temple.
However, it is to be approached case to case and is not possible for all.
(Eight forms of Subtle Relations with women a brahmachari should avoid! READ HERE!)
All disciples can’t serve their guru or deities directly by staying in the ashram or temple in this current world order in which many disciples have to work and take care of themselves.
In those days, those who approach a guru and practice brahmacharya were less in numbers. But nowadays, thousands of disciples are there for gurus.
So, it is not possible for all disciples to stay in brahmacharya ashrama in the guru’s ashrama.
Of course, staying in an ISKCON temple and serving is also a practice of brahmacharya. Still, all the thousands of disciples can’t stay in temples.
In this situation, we have to consider Vapu and Vani seva to a guru.
In vapu seva, a disciple serves his guru directly in his presence.
In vani seva, a disciple serves his guru by following his guru’s instructions from where he lives.
Both are good options; Neither vapu seva nor vani seva is inferior to another.
You have to choose whether to follow Vapu seva or Vani seva by considering your plans of future and your family background.
If you like to go to a job now and manage your family yourself in future as a grahastha, you can choose to follow Vani seva.
(How to serve & please the Guru if Guru is far away from your City? READ HERE!)
Work, earn, manage family, and follow all the recommended devotional practices.
Speak to your guru or temple president about the seva that you will be able to do nicely for the guru or temble by being a congregational grahastha.
Then, perform those services nicely.
I know a tailor prabhu who has a tailoring shop for his earnings. He stitches the dresses of the deities of his local temple. Thus he serves the temple even by doing his earning business.
I know a mataji who brings flowers from her nearby temple and make garlands at home and give back to the temples when she is free in the afternoon at home.
I know a 60 years aged cook prabhu who stays in the temple, cook nicely even for hundreds of visiting devotees, earn and send thsalary to his wife who is staying at home. He visits his home once a week.
Even our online preaching service is the best example for serving the guru and Krishna by being at home.
Thus, I can give hundreds of examples who are serving their nearby temples by being at home and working somewhere.
(How should a brahmachari behave to avoid offenses? READ HERE!)
Where there is a will, there is a way.
If you are truly serious to serve the guru and Krishna, you will be shown a right way to serve guru and Krishna as a working grahastha.
Now the reply to your question is:
No need to feel guilt seeing the other devotees serving as brahmacharis at the temples after following brahmacharya there.
Since you opt for working and also serving the guru and Krishna, do that sincerely.
Chant 16 rounds, follow all regulative principles including avoiding onion and garlic and then accept a guru and serve him by performing some services nicely.
It is as good as serving the guru and Krishna directly in the ashram or guru.
But marry a devotee girl of equal devotional standard that will be easier to serve nicely.
Best of luck.
(Can one serve the Lord as brahmachari, though destined to marry? READ HERE!)