How should a girl devotee deal with the betrayal of a devotee boy?
A girl devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna Prabhuji, Prabhuji right now I am around 30 years old. But, when I was 23 I was very gullible and naive. I used to blindly trust others. This has shook me within. In my early 20s I was new to Krishna Consciousness. I met a devotee boy through FB. Initially for 2 3 years he used to only talk about Krishna, Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, sevas and other important limbs of bhakti which really helped me. For me he was my Shiksha Guru. I really used to respect him a lot, I still respect him because he was first one to shared kathas with me.
Eventually, he proposed to me for marriage. I denied as I wasn’t ready. But, he said either say yes or no else we won’t talk at all. I was scared to lose his association. I said yes. After that his behaviour completely changed. He used to talk only about getting physical and all. Whenever I used to say pls don’t talk about this before marriage. He used to say I consider you as my wife. You are my wife. So, I will talk but I used to ignore him or used to try to change the topic. Meanwhile, I noticed that there is one account and idk why I was suspicious as it was of a girl using his surname. I asked who she is? He told me it’s his account only which he uses to preach. I said okay as I used to trust him a lot.
After few days, hardly a week or two. I received a call from a girl telling she is his wife. I was shocked as he shared that he was a bachelor.
I asked him multiple times. Everytime he said that he wasn’t married. There is no marriage between them as it happens she just stays with him as there is no one in her family. She is all alone and she uses my surname coz I don’t want anyone to point a finger at her character. I was completely confused. He video called me and showed his deities and in front of them he sweared that he is unmarried. He said if he was wrong as I am thinking then he wouldn’t be living in the holy land. Krishna & Radharani would have kicked him out. He said you are questioning Krishna& Radharani. He used to speak in a way that I used to feel it’s only my fault.
Meanwhile, he used to keep me block and used to unblock me when he wanted to talk. I asked him. He used to say that girl’s mother has recently died I don’t wanna upset her that I wanna marry you. After some time he said me he need money for seva. I expressed my inability as I am not working and dependent upon my parents. He said to lie to parents and used to say devotees you know do so much. You can’t lie. You will suffer. Your parents will suffer. He used to curse me. In fear once I transferred Rs 5000. He said you promised to send me alot and you have sent penny. You will pay for this. Prabhuji I didn’t remember if I promised or not. How could I? I know my status. I sincerely apologize to Krishna. He knows my conditions.
Later he said me to sell off my mother’s gold for his operation. If I do then that girl will go out of his life forever. It’s a test. She wants to check my loyalty. How could I trust him? Why would I sell off my mother’s gold? Eventually this made everything more dirty.
He used to curse me saying that you are selfish and money minded. How could a person be happy with you? Even Krishna isn’t happy with you. You can’t give money for his seva. Shame on you and your family. He used to say I curse that day when I fall in love with you. I was so panic that I used to keep my mobile off. He used to discourage me from studying. It is affecting me till now.
Now that girl died. He texted me and I literally bombarded him what he did with me. Again same tricks but this time I didn’t fall. But, now his ID says he is married. I am feeling sinful. But, Prabhuji everytime he made me fool and I was gullible back then.
I am feeling very guilty and sinful. Its been more than 5 years but that pain still scare me. Till now I am confused whether he lied or not. Though I don’t wanna do anything. He is stranger for me but that pain is deep within.
How to repent and Prabhuji what if I have to take next birth and all this really happens again. I feel very scared.”
REPLY:
He is not to be called as your siksha guru. He seems to be a No-1 fraudulent devotee, a devotee cheater and he is getting ready to go to hell.
In fact, he is not a proper devotee at all, though he practices devotion and preaches attractively.
(VIOLATIONS BETWEEN GIRLS AND BOYS – HOW TO AVOID IT? READ HERE!)
He does not have a symptom of a devotee. He uses the brand Krishna to deceive/ cheat the innocent girls and he exploits the weakness of some girls who expect love.
He also seems to draw money from innocent girls and then desert them after drawing till it is possible.
He should be sent out of the spiritual organisation.
It is not the etiquette for a devotee to deal with the girls like this.
A girl should just hear the lectures publicly and then practice devotion at her home.
She need not develop private talks with the boys like this.
Since you had some extra contacts with him, he made use of your admiration for him.
Our skills and knowledge are given by Krishna.
So, we should not use that to exploit others.
He has used so to exploit you.
Fortunately, you have not stayed with him and have not committed any violations.
Krishna has protected you from a cheater.
(Using intoxicants or other Violations while chanting – Will Krishna accept? READ HERE!)
Feel as if escaped from a cheating devotee.
Thank Krishna and proceed with your duties.
You need not feel guilty at all.
You just trusted him and agreed to marry him because of his pressures.
He only has to feel and repent for that.
He has blackmailed you saying that Krishna, Radharani, etc will punish you because of not giving plenty of money to him.
No devotee should get money from another secretly by blackmailing.
All the activities of a devotee should be in public platform and all his activities should be in such a way that they do not affect the dignity of others.
Unless one follows the four regulative principles of No meat eating, No Gambling, No intoxication and No illicit sex, he should not call himself as a devotee publicly.
(Can a devotee having past illicit violations get the mercy of Krishna? READ HERE!)
Regulative life style is the first requirement for a devotee – whoever he / she is.
He says that he is keeping a girl with him because she does not have any care takers.
She should stay in a girl’s hostel. Why should he keep her with him?
Only because some girls lead such a foolish life or unregulated life, they lose their dignity and then cry.
Considering their family situation, some girls feel insecurity about their future and hence fall victims for such cheaters.
Feel happy that you have escaped with this.
Remove his name and number from your records, block his numbers and forget him.
Be relieved and focus more on Krishna conscious practices.
Get married to a good devotee boy looking thru your parents.
You have not done any violations , but you only have been deceived by him.
(Why should one be pure till marriage as most of the people are violating? READ HERE!)
So, you don’t deserve punishment. He only should get punished.
Don’t waste your life time worrying for this incident.
Make use of this life to get Krishna.
Hereafter, just hear the lectures, give respects to the speaker and then leave him.
Don’t start to show your admiration in action to the preachers of opposite gender.
Maintain a distance with the males and protect yourself. It will also help those male devotees to avoid feeling closeness with girls/ women.
Regulative principles are the ornaments for a devotee. Without following them, he will be disturbing others and adding sins and will go to hell and take births in lower species.
Hope you are clear about how a girl devotee should deal with the betrayal of a devotee boy.
(Avoiding & Repenting for violations with women after initiation (diksha)! READ HERE!)