Is following devotion & also having sexual addictions wrong?
A male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Hare Krishna Prabhuji, I have been chanting holy name of Krishna from long time as I have faith only in name of Lord but from past many months, I have been dealing with sense disturbances and hence addiction to the practice of using my own organs for self pleasure (terms changed) which happened due to combinations of factors like stress, loneliness and anxiety issues.
I am falling many times but I never gave up and always stood again and continued chanting and devotion and even managed to overcome the habit to good extent. But after repeated falls, I have become more melancholic and guilty and started feeling like I’m pretender and I don’t have real devotion. I feel that I’m committing offense against holy name and Lord by indulging in such habits.
From bottom of my I want devotion towards Lord as I want to go my real home to the abode of Lord and don’t want to stay trapped in this material world. But due to repeated falls, my confidence in myself has drained and I started feeling like I should leave devotional path as I’m not suited for it and I can’t please Lord Krishna. So should I leave devotion or come back after purifying myself?”
REPLY:
You have finally asked:
Should I leave devotion or come back after purifying myself?
Is following devotion & also having sexual addictions wrong?
No need to stop devotional practices to get purified. Because you may not be able to resume in this birth.
(Why should one be pure till marriage as most of the people are violating? READ HERE!)
Instead, though you have some violations, continue to follow devotion to get purified.
Only when the body has a disease, we can take a medicine. Will we take medicines when we are normal?
Medicines work only where there is a disease.
Floor Cleaners are required only for dirty floors.
Anti-histamins are required only when the histamins have grown to cause cold and cough.
Similarly, Harinam is used to cleanse us from all the contaminations we have that makes us qualified to go back to Krishna!
This process of cleansing will not be the same for all.
Some people will be cleansed in a few months; Others in a few years; Others in a few births.
During this process, till we get fully purified of contaminations, both the devotional practices and contaminations/ violations will co-exist.
That means, you will be chanting and following devotion while having some violations also.
For example, you will be chanting while following illicit sex, meat eating, etc.
(If Krishna can have 16,108 wives, why can’t a man have two wives? READ HERE!)
This is during the initial stage of following chanting.
After you follow devotional practices for years, gradually, your violations will come down.
This transition period may be months, years or births depending on how sincere we are in chanting and other devotional practices.
If you are truly sincere in your chanting and other devotional practices, your violations will come down earlier, ie, in a few months or years.
If you have more desire to follow devotion, but are casual in chanting and other devotional practices, the violations will stay for longer period.
You belong to such a category.
You may have sincere desire to become a devotee without offenses, but you are not serious in your devotional practices.
If you sincerely follow chanting and other devotional practices, the violations would have already gone or greatly reduced.
The sense gratification act mentioned by you is not that much serious because you did not spoil anyone else because of that act.
However, such unwanted sense gratification acts can be avoided or reduced if you start to chant sincerely and follow devotional practices sincerely.
Like the rain drops disappear after the appearance of the Sun, when we instal Krishna in our hearts strongly, there will be no desire for sense gratification acts like the ones mentioned by you.
More dedication and love for Krishna – Reduced desires for material pleasures.
This is the general formula.
So, the problem rests with the insufficient dedication in your devotional practices.
Increase your dedication for devotional practices and also start reading the literatures / books related to Krishna written by Srila Prabhupada.
Do this in full swing.
All your anarthas and sexual desires will come down.
There is no doubt in it
(Can a devotee having past illicit violations get the mercy of Krishna? READ HERE!)