WHAT IF A DISCIPLE IS UNABLE TO SURRENDER TO GURU?
A girl devotee who requested anonymity has written like this:
“hare krsna prabuji. dandavat pranam… all glorieds to srila prabhupad. you are doing a wonderful job of clearing the doubts of many of us. we can not ask some doubts at our temple but we can ask even sensitive doubts to you. i am an initiated devotee and please allow me to hide my guru name. i took initiation before feeling full faith on my guru. i took initiation because some of my devotee friends also took it. i thought that i can make me fit after taking initiation. but, i am unable to surrender to guru and to develop full surrender to my guru and i am doing all services to him and lord, but, i do not gain natural attachment with my guru. i feel guilty and i feel whether i have committed offence to my guru without taking initiation before becoming fit for that.
please advise me what shall i do now. you only can bring me out of this guilty feeling. i like to please guru by being truely faithful to him. how that please tell me. thanks for your guidance. hare krishna.”
Nice to see this open submission of being unable to surrender to guru. I have been crying in this site that a devotee should take diksha only if he/she has full faith in the spiritual master of his choice and only after evaluating his preparedness well. Same applies to spiritual masters and they too have to accept the disciples only after studying them thoroughly.
But, unfortunately, the initiations are being ritualized everywhere and some (Not all) devotees take diksha even without the full preparedness and faith in guru. Some devotees take diksha even without understanding their guru well. Some devotees are influenced to take diksha when many of their friends take it. They too like to take diksha out of curiosity though they do not know the guru well and even without full faith in the system.
(I have more attachment with Guru than Krishna. What to do? READ HERE!)
So, a devotee should study his / her aspiring guru for a certain period and develop strong faith in him. Then, they can take diksha from that guru. Just because others take diksha from a guru, you too should not rush unless you have made your mind prepared. Then, you will feel unable to surrender to guru.
Let me write here the process recommended by the scriptures to be followed both by a guru and a disciple before accepting a disciple or guru:
The bonafide method for continuing the GURU-SISHYA Parampara is given by Sanatana Goswami in the Hari-Bhakti-Vilasa. This book was composed under the direction of the Lord Sri Caitanya Maha Prabhu, the bestower of religious principles for this age of Kali. In the book, a period close mutual examination is prescribed between the prospective guru and prospective disciple.
The First Vilasa:
The Mantra-muktavali instructs, “The guru and aspiring disciple should live together for a year. They should examine each other to find out their nature, character and compatibility. There is no other way of achieving this.”
(How to develop faith in gurus if you find it difficult? READ HERE!)
The Sruti states, “An aspiring disciple who does not stay together with the guru for a year should not be given diksa-mantra by the guru.”
The Sarasangraha also declares, “The guru should examine an aspiring disciple under his tutelage for a year.”
It is described in the Krama-dipika, “The disciple who is desirous to receive diksa [in the Gopala-mantra] must serve the guru for three years employing his wealth, simplicity of heart, affectionate behaviour, full physical endeavour, gentle speech and favourable attitude with the understanding that the guru is as good as the Supreme Lord. In this manner, when the disciple satisfies his guru, he may beg for diksa.”
The process of examination is based on the requisite qualifications mentioned within the sastra. Thus accepting a guru is not an off-hand casual affair. One should be educated in sastric standards and spend considerable time in respectful examination. Accepting a guru superficially on the basis of an institutional rubber-stamp is pure foolishness.
(Can a devotee take diksha (Initiation) from two gurus? READ HERE!)
Most importantly, both a guru and an aspiring devotee should evaluate each other before accepting each other as guru and disciple. That is why, the above rules were fixed.
So, as you have taken diksha without full faith, some of the initiations even end in failure.
So, a guru should mercifully select right devotees before accepting them, and advise others to practice devotion for more period. When we get diksha instantly though we know that we are not qualified, that means, we are deceiving our guru. He believed us and gave diksha. But, we know that we are not qualified. So, only those devotees who chant 16 rounds, follow regulative principles and have full faith in the system of Guru Parampara should take initiation. Initiation should not be requested from a guru for any other reasons except serving Krishna through that guru. Similarly, a disciple has every right to evaluate a guru before accepting him.
(How to select, serve and please guru? READ HERE!)
Do not rush for initiation just because others do. First make yourself qualified. Chant 16 rounds and follow 4 regulative principles. Do this consistently. During this process, if you naturally develop a faith on any guru, then, observe him for some months. Then finally accept him as guru.
Now, in your case, pray to Krishna to increase your faith in your guru. And, even speak to your guru about this. Tell him that you do not feel full surrender to him and you need his mercy to make you surrender to him still more that will please him.
If you sincerely believe the system, your faith in guru will increase. Your guru has given initiation mercifully to you. So, take a pledge that you will improve in devotion more and please your guru. Also realize that if you do not improve in devotion, your guru may feel for it. So, try your best to satisfy your guru by serving the Lord more.
(Is the Mercy of Guru and Krishna only for selected devotees? READ HERE!)
And, please do not worry that you are not qualified to take initiation. You have already taken. Getting a guru s fortunate thing. You have got a guru. Any qualified guru can take you to Krishna.
Everyone likes to marry someone, but, marries someone else. This is natural in the life. Similarly, it is the decision of Krishna to give a particular guru for you. So, honour this guru and be loyal to him. Forget what you did in the past. Atleast from today, take efforts to follow all the rules of an initiated devotee. Try to be honest and true to your guru atleast from now.
Better late than never. It is a good sign of your good nature to identify your mistakes and correct them.
Let Krishna develops your faith in your guru tht will bring you out of being unable to surrender to guru.
(Surrender to Krishna and Surrender to Guru – which is important? A detailed analysis! READ HERE!)