Managing devotion though family doesn’t understand your Lifestyle!
A male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Thank you for the wonderful posts. They are very relevant to my heart.
But when i applied this practically i am finding some difficulties in my case. I do not know how to proceed. I was working abroad and after this pandemic and lockdowns , thought of taking care of my parents and also finding a job locally.
For the last 6 to 7 months i am with them. They do not object my practice of chanting, hearing or simple altar worship.
But they have other big list of complaints of my lifestyle, offering all the cooked food, not preferring onion garlic, my fasting on some days, my preferences and priorities towards natural life etc all does not suit them and they keep complaining ..
They are good people , devoted in general and theistic, but they do not like or ready to move towards pure devotional service.. even though i do not insist them to follow anything, my attempts to follow makes them think that I am sentimental or so.
This is giving a lot of arguments and problems. So I am really tired of what to follow and what to give up temporarily.
Like may be i should give up prasadam preferences etc and focus on serving parents?
(after lot of persuasion, my mother formally keeps the rice pot in altar, but i am afraid some day when she is not in good mood , she may complain that i have made her take bath before cooking etc.., )”
REPLY:
Managing devotion though family doesn’t understand your Lifestyle is a genuine problem faced by many devotees particularly who are first generation devotees, ie, having non-devotee parents.
You like to follow all the devotional practices by being with the parents. Managing devotion though family doesn’t understand your Lifestyle seems tough for you now.
They are formal followers of devotion, but not serious followers at present.
(Feeling lonely by being a devotee in the family of material people! Tips! READ HERE!)
But, you like to follow the high standard by managing all Devotional Practices.
In my posts, I have advised to adjust for the parents.
Now, you are confused whether to give up some practices or to give up the parents. Hence your query.
Hope I have understood your problem correctly.
Now, you expect me to guide what essential devotional practices to follow that may be possible even by living with the non serious, but God believing parents.
Fine.
See the tips for Managing all Devotional Practices that you can follow and up to what level below:
(1) The Primary Requirement for every devotee is to follow the four regulative principles – Avoiding Meat, Gambling, Intoxication and illicit relations. Only if you follow these four principles, you can even start serious devotional life. Your parents can never be the barriers to follow these essential principles. So, you MUST follow them.
(2) The Second Requirement for every sadhaka who likes to follow dedicated devotion is CHANTING the Holynames of Krishna, ie, Chanting Hare Krishna Maha manthra. How can a parent block their children chanting the Holy Names of Krishna? Because, it is a PRIVATE SADHANA that can be done even from a secluded place or in your hall or in your study room or even on the Open terrace. So, follow them.
(CAITANYA’s BOLD ADVICE FOR BALANCING DEVOTION & FAMILY! READ HERE!)
(3) Next Requirement is getting the association of the devotees. You can visit the nearest ISKCON centers for 3 hours on every Sunday. No Parent may stop a son who spends 3-4 hours outside on weekends. They are not affected by that at all.
(4) Worshiping Tulasi Plant. This too is not an issue for anyone because you can keep a tulasi plant even on the compound walls or in the garden or in the open terrace. There will be no reason for your parents to object it and their schedules are not going to be affected by keeping and worshiping a Tulasi plant.
(5) Keeping the Pictures of Krishna and Acharyas. Every home may have a Puja room or Puja Rack/altar. In ISKCON temples, they sell a single framed picture that has all the essential Pictures in a single frame – Krishna, Gaur Nitai, Narsimha and the Guru/Acharya Parampara. Just a single Picture of less than one feet length. Buy that and keep in a side of the Puja room and worship that single Picture daily. These Pictures are meant to be used to carry, worship and offer food wherever we travel. I too have one such Framed Picture that I use while going away form home. You can even use it for daily worship if your parents are keeping the Pictures of many demigods also in Altar. Do not quarrel with them. Let them follow their practices. You just place this Picture on one side of the rack and follow your rituals there.
(Making the materialistic wife a devotee of Krishna! 10 Practical Tips! READ HERE!)
Though my mother was primarily worshiping Krishna, she was having some Pictures of Lord Siva, Kula devatha, etc since she was worshiping them since her young age even before ISKCON came into existence. She wanted them to exist in Puja rack sentimentally. I did not force her to remove those pictures. I just keep my Pictures on the major portion of the rack and I keep a big Bhagavad Gita book between my Pictures and other Pictures maintained by my mother.
Even now, I have not removed them because I am keeping them in memory of my deceased mother. 75% of the rack has Radha-Krishna, Gaur Nitai and Lord Rama-Sita-Lakshmana-Hanuman Pictures of the deities of ISKCON temples in Mumbai that I got as a Beautiful Oil painted Calander of ISKCON 30 years back. I framed those Mumbai Deities’ Pictures and am worshiping for 30 years that are in dark background that mesmerizes everyone who sees them.
What I am going to lose by keeping 3-4 pictures kept by my mother? It is my respect to her sentiments and attachments with those pictures.
So, the best trick is that keep your chosen pictures on one side and allow the parents to keep their pictures at another side.
No other way for this. Since you allow their pictures also, they may not object your worship of Krishna.
Follow my Popular Slogan: Give something & Take something.
(6) Now, only issue is offering food. Here, your parents may be a barrier because they may use onion, garlic, etc. In such situation, just beg them to cook the dishes with onion and garlic separately using separate vessels. Do not block them cooking them. Tell them not use the other vessels to cook with onion and garlic.
(How can a woman serve Krishna in a non-cooperative family? READ HERE!)
Buy a separate cutter for onion and garlic and other vegetables.
Request them to prepare just a few pieces of parotha or Puri or roti or rice everyday.
Let them eat anything. You just offer parotha or Puri or roti or rice with curd everyday. I always keep a cup of fruit juice and curd along with the cooked food and vegetables. Since the doctors have adviced citric juice for me everyday, I prepare them everyday by grinding in the mixer and offer to Krishna thru my Guru and acharyas and then honour everything.
Since I am helpless, I prepare one or two South Indian dishes properly and offer to Krishna along with fruit juice, some fruits, etc. Whenever I prepare Roti, Puri, Dosa, Idly, Kitchedi, Ghee Pongal, etc as tiffin in the evening, I offer them and then honour. Instead of Onion and garlic, I use asafoetida more that compensate the taste.
(Can one really follow Krishna Consciousness in family life? READ HERE!)
Thus, where there is a will, there will be the way.
You can offer just one or two dishes everyday to Krishna preparing separately.
Do not bother your parents not coming to your way of offering and then honouring.
They are also humans. So, they too may come to your line, but, it will not happen magically within days or months. It will take even years. Wait patiently.
When your parents see you not taking the food made for them, but taking only a few choice of dishes, their heart may melt gradually and may cooperate with your way of devotion.
Select your wife from among devotee community putting separate preparation for Krishna and your parents as condition for her.
Thus, manage the devotional practices to your level best.
Hope you are now clear about managing devotion though family doesn’t understand your Lifestyle!
(What if my family accuses my following Krishna Consciousness? PART-1! READ HERE!
What if my family accuses my following Krishna Consciousness? – PART – 2! READ HERE!)